depression is my monster.
anxiety is my mother,
that tells me that monsters aren't real
but to always check under the bed just in case.

i am so close to hitting rock bottom i can feel pebbles brushing my toes.. i'm trying my damndest to swim up, before anyone knows.. and yet its easier to stay, and easier to drown.. its harder to paddle your way to the surface when you're the the one dragging yourself down.

i am brain dead
i can't think straight
there's nothing in my head
to make my body operate
i wish that i was numb
that i didn't have to feel
i wish i didn't have to rely on someone
to tell me that something is real
all of those smiles
all of that ******* confidence
trying to catch your eye
and get you to notice my influence
over other guys
as if it were some sort of accomplishment
i'm just afraid to let you in
passed what's in between my legs
to what lies in my ribs
but if you won't stay i won't beg

couldn't stand the phrase
"i love you to the moon and back"
but couldn't wait for the day
when someone looked,
and then said it.

i'd like to think you understood where i'm coming from
or that you'd like to follow me where i'm going
but it's like you drew a circle around where we started from
and there's no going past that line
even though our toes are brushing closer
and each time you drag me back
a shred of me falls outside the line and i grow smaller and smaller
but that part of me on the other side
it's growing..
and i won't be here much longer
i am waiting for me.

in life
we meet many
we experience much
sometimes it takes too much
and leaves so little
often we stumble upon others in our path
whether they are ready
whether you are ready
and then they leave
or you do
whether you are ready to let them go
or whether they are ready to leave
or not
i have been cursed
with always meeting at that cross road
of "i am just trying to find myself"s
and "if something develops then that is fine with me"s
and i'm just ready to find someone that is ready
for me.

i know you never loved me
because when i had a problem
instead of helping me
you would shun me
as if your friends would find out
and judge you for dating me
or because you thought i was crazy
and maybe i was
but you were crazy too!!
we dealt with the same things
and i understood,
and all i wanted was for you
to acknowledge our imperfections
and help me make them better
not cast me aside..
i just wanted your help..
why does this still bother me??