Although I am close to slumber, I cannot sleep.
I rest my head on my bed and I resist the urge to weep.
The darkness drifts in slowly, then picks up its pace.
As I come to realization that I was never meant for this race.
I cannot stand to be alone, not for a day, an hour, or minute.
When there is no one around I simply wallow in it.
The grief, the sorrow, the endless doubts of life,
I cannot find a suitable reason that I should not give up this fight.
You make your own happiness is what I've been told,
But I wasn't blessed with the gift to fit any mold.
Being different is good as long as you're the same,
As long as you look like the other different kids, we wont burden you with shame.
Just the inner thoughts of a girl who is drifting off to sleep,
Just a cry out for anyone who can help her get some peace.

I was sitting in a coffee shop
And you came and said hello.
I was skeptical at first
Of this man I did not know.
So I looked all around
For your friends to be watching
And laughing to themselves
But with no glances in our direction,
I put those thoughts back on the shelf.
So I glanced back up at you
With a better look this time.
You had dark brown hair
And the most beautiful, beautiful blue eyes.
No words came to me as I
Sat and stared at you.
So you smiled big and wide
And I unwillingly smiled too.
"I noticed you were all alone,
and I really wondered why,
because a girl like you must
know about a thousand guys".
I laughed in my mind
Because if only he knew
Just how far off he was
From the actual truth.
And then you took a seat,
and I let myself go,
I talked to you for hours.
To this man I did not know.
The words came out like *****,
And I didn't have to pretend.
And I said it when I thought it,
I talked to you like an old friend.
It was easy, to say the least.
To share my thoughts with you,
The things I'd never said aloud,
To this man I felt I knew.
Night began to fall
So we said our goodbyes.
And with the quick sound of an alarm,
I opened my eyes.

Relationships.
They seem to be the basis of all human activity.
If you're not actively looking for a partner in life then you're bettering yourself so that you will be more attractive to those potential partners.
Some of us are so desperate for companionship that we refuse to leave our partners, even if they are doing more harm than good. Domestic violence is becoming more and more relevant, adultery is the most common cause of relationship failure, and soon the generation that speaks of " 60 years of marriage" will have died off.
But what happens when there's no substantial reason to leave a relationship? You're not being abused, he buys you flowers, he would not dare to ever cheat on you, and he loves you with all of his heart. He would do anything for the relationship to work. He wants to get married some day, have babies, and live happily ever after. All the while you're wondering if an opportunity to get out with good cause will ever present itself. You find yourself praying that he'll ***** up bad enough so that you can justifiably cut the cord on the whole thing. You are unhappy, but you're not sure whether it's because you're bored or you've actually fallen completely out of love. You've stopped seeing this person as part of your future and just as an annoying part of the present. You're afraid that you will never have the courage to get out of the relationship, and the longer you wait, the more it is going to hurt when it happens. But if you don't do it you're going to be stuck with a person that makes you miserable for the rest of your life. If you wait too long, then you will have wasted the years of your youth on someone that you don't even love. You know that it's the right decision but there's a nagging voice in the back of your head telling you that you'll never meet someone who treats you as well as they do, that you'll regret your decision and most of all, you are scared to be alone....
And then there's the ignorant talk of "nice guys finish last" and you do not want to be a part of that stereotype, but that's exactly what it's going to look like. The honest truth is not that you've drifted away because he's a nice guy. You've drifted away because he's not the guy for you. You still want a guy that will buy you flowers and love you with all his heart. You don't want to be with a ****. But you don't want him to be jealous, space- invading, time-*******, over-reacting, clingy, immature, or shallow either.

But you've been hurt so many times, and right now, you're safe.
You don't have to worry about being alone, cheated on, or abused and it's a wonderful thing to have.
But is it worth it?

Endlessly
I watch the stars
I admire from afar
When people come and go
Every person that you know
No constant thing around
Just the reoccurring sound
Of the chirping in the night
As the dark creatures cry
The moon will always rise
Bring glory to our eyes
The stars will always burn
No need to have concern
When all else disappears
One thing remains clear
Wait for the sun to fall
Embrace the beauty of it all

You are my fireplace on a
Cold winter's night.
And when I am walking through the darkness,
You are the light
At the end of the tunnel,
That I often find myself struggling through.
And I find that when I am with you,
My worries come in few.
You are my bed as I lay,
With a sigh of relief,
When I finally close my eyes
And drift off to sleep.
You are a dream that I've
Had for a very long time,
No less than that warm feeling,
You get inside
As you take a hot sip of coffee,
when it's snowing outside.
And I would walk a thousand miles
Through the darkness
Just to reach you as you light up the night.
And as I think, I realize,
I would do anything,
If you would be mine.

This is not important to me.
I don't care for the square root of 546.
I don't feel alive at the sound of a lecture.
Don't tell me that i'm going to miss
This small piece of hell that you call a school.
It doesn't matter to me whether
I become famous and rich.
That is what success to you is, isn't it?
To have all of the money, and all of the the things.
I just want to be happy and follow my dreams.
Is that such a crime?
What don't you understand?
I won't let you discourage me.
You will not bring me down.
I may be quiet, but that's only for now.
I will paint pictures of vibrance and
Make music that flows.
I will smoke all the cigarettes and
I will never turn up my nose.
I'll be creative beyond your wildest dreams,
And I'll tear up your tyranny right from the the seams.
I will live with what I have and be happier than you.
You have all the things but I have nothing to lose.

You caught me by surprise,
It was the eyes,
They ****** me in like a moth to a light,
Like the first summer's day or the first winter's night
Keep me warm,
Stand behind me,
Hold me close,
Feel me breathe,
Run your fingers up my sleeves.
Rest your hand on my cheek,
Lean in closely, fall in deep.

As I laid there, I looked at the wall.
This is the part I hate
I  breathed in and out, as tears rolled down.
This was a mistake
The light hurts my eyes, there's ringing in my ears.
I always end up this way
The floor is a mess of bottles and tears.
*Please forget today

When you wash off the make-up,
Who is there, pretty girl?
Did anyone even notice
Those pretty curls?
Are you upset because you
Tried so hard for nothing?
I mean, were you actually expecting something?
Silly girl, you know not to rely.
Why would you go and get your
Hopes up so high?
Just smoke your cigarette and
Go back to bed.
And next time,
Try to use your head.

We are the ones.
We pass each other in the hall,
and we make eye contact,
and we are unaware,
we never know exactly
what it is that draws us to one another.
How can two people who have never met before,
know each other so well and
make such obvious attempts to
get one another's attention.
How can there be a gravitational pull,
that seems to never let up,
that pulls you in until you're stuck.
But mostly, how can something so strong become so weak,
how can you forget about that pull, and no longer see
what was once so intriguing to you, and no longer recognize
the insanity of knowing someone who you've never met.
How can you go on with your life knowing,
That person could have changed you forever,
and every misfortune you have could have
been avoided by a simple hello.
And because you don't say it,
This is where you are.
Speak up.

She could almost smell the jasmine,
As the wind blew through her veins,
And she wondered in what world,
Does there not exist pain?

Her dress with roses red,
Did a waltz in the breeze,
And as she came to realization,
She crumbled to her knees.

The leaves were like birds,
Soaring through the sky,
With every vibrant color,
She watched them float by.

She inhaled all she could
With tears trailing down her cheeks
And with the weight of the world,
She came back to her feet.

Together forever
Still stays with me
I picture a time, when we were free
Jumping the chat piles, skinning our knees,
We were indians in a ditch,
or in grandpas truck
Lions, on a slide,
Or on an easter egg hunt
It never crossed my mind,
That it would end someday
Without you, we are shaken,
We will never be the same
Somewhere down the road,
Something went wrong,
I can't quite determine,
What we are when you are gone.
You can't be the amigos, with only two,
But know that our hearts, are always with you.
No matter the weather,
Together forever.

We’re all just a part of this nonchalant game,
Plotting revenge, explosives, propane.
Pretending to love and have no shame
All the while, we’re going insane.

Walking in reverse, to the beat of their drum,
Never reaching anywhere, things left undone,
Pouring our hearts out , to those who use,
Becoming so prone, used to abuse.

Hoping for a time, with much more light,
Awaiting in the darkness, on this never-ending night.

With pain on your shoulder,
Rather than a heart on your sleeve,
You look with hesitation,
Can you believe?

but then the forests in his eyes,
They look down into yours,
you lose your sense of fear,
And you're dying for more.

The anxiety escapes you,
And theres only you and him,
Suddenly, a new kind of nerves,
They start to set in.

Don't ruin this moment,
Grasp feelings like this,
You turn off your mind,
And slowly...The Kiss.

The light shines in
As the window creeks open
The wind hits my face
Darling, where have you been?

The lonely days I've spent
Longing after you
Leave an aching in my soul
And searching for the truth

What other soul has grabbed your attention?
Has my memory withered away?
Was this always your intention?
To abandon me someday?

My being is only half without you
You're nowhere to be found
So I'll sit here, half a heart,
Until you come around

She sits in her chair,
The wood touches her neck,
She looks at the ground,
Terrified of regret

Looking at the crowd
Eyes of curiosity
Can she make a sound?
Ignore the blasphemy?

Slowly but surely,
With hesitant hands,
She throws up her arm,
And she starts up the band

She raises her bow,
And when it touches the strings,
The world is amazed
By the beauty she brings