I think I'll let you hold me for a little while longer,
Because I love the warmth
As much as you love me.
And you might think I'm cruel for letting you hold me together,
But you need to feel strong
Like I need to breathe.

Baby, be my savior in an empty parking lot;
Be my laughter in the evening,
And my strength when I am not.
Honey,
You can drown my every care and keep me warm at night,
But I'm never gonna need you, 'cause you're not who's on my mind.

I think I'll let you use me for a little while longer,
I love to feel needed
Like you love to feel free.
And you might think I'm blind for thinking we might get together,
But I need the lie
As much as you need me.

Baby, be my savior in an empty parking lot;
Be my laughter in the evening,
And my strength when I am not.
Honey,
You can drown my every care and keep my warm at night,
But I'm never gonna need you, 'cause you're not who'd on my mind.

And you can tell me
That it's empty
And it doesn't mean a thing.
Well, I'm hoping
Just for your sake
That is what you really think.
'Cause the truth is
We're all users
In a drug infested life.
Where the cause
Of the effect
Is being lonely and alive.

You never feel like you're being used until they stop.

I joke about watching the laundry
in the machine when
what I really mean is I could
watch you for the same amount
of time without losing interest

everyone i've written about
has left me.
so you must understand
why i will not immortalize you
with my words,
why i won't turn you
into a poem.

maybe this way
you'll stay.

I am angry for the way your eyes touched mine, how
They looked at me and without thinking, made contact,
You
Opened your mouth and the word beautiful
Fell out

I don't know if it was the 2 am restlessness or
the alcohol speaking but
What you said burned a pit in my stomach
I planned on filling it with your smile but
you stopped sharing it with me

I wanted to pile the void high with the thought of how your
Hand pushed hair behind my ear and
Your arms reaching out like you needed me

You told me,
I was beautiful
Whether or not it was an accident does not matter when
I can still feel how your breath felt brushing my cheek as you spoke and
How I blushed, laughing, turning my head to break the connection
I shook it in response saying,

"No, I am not"

Because beautiful things don't confess to their own knowledge of being

You said yes
I said no,

Because beauty is a privilege I have never been allotted

You said yes, you are
I said okay

I don’t know why you had to tangle truth into a lie
If I were truly beautiful to you, you would say hello and still mean it
I'd like to think that if I really were, you would want nothing else but to hold me at all hours of the day, to
Kiss the face you held in your palms and just watch the up and down of my eyelashes but
You don't and I understand, it's okay

It has been a month or two since you spilled poison into my open heart and
for the first time I am remembering this encounter,
It is too sweet for your now bitter
I ask myself why I still think of you and
I know it is due to the way you spoke to me, how
You touched me too gently for too long
Your fingerprints left holes in my memory foam skin, I let you get too close.

This is simply sadness that
is too tired to morph into anger
I am only angry in how you made roses out of words
to plant them in my garden, unfit to grow
I could never keep much else alive besides myself and
everything dies out eventually
I should have guessed that we would too.