you shun me in our heat
you turn, don’t laugh.
smiles crease your lids,
trying to hide it.
but on the fireside i see
the flames freckle
your moonlit face.
glanced eyes break when they meet.
timetables and time souring
my glower-grace.
and then walking away,
you’ve pulled that card again.
does the neglect keep you honest,
when the early hours
made you cheat.
the fear blossoms in crimson
and you laid hands,
***** sinner.
do try to repent—
it doesn’t make it go away.
i’ve lessened in height
since December,
climbing the ladders
asking for heaven in dreams.
(you are heaven to me.)
unreachable.

a siren in flames,
voice not sweet but piercing
i will sing to you
until the ships come in dismantled
and burning board by board
i want to destroy you
devour your living soul
call me fate in dust
industrial war,
or spectral spirit to haunt you,
a plague there’s no antibiotics for.
you’ll deny me to your master
but can’t can’t shake it off
i see your eyes in the fire
creased with your smile
try to shake it try.

you shun me in our heat
but i’ll still know you in the embers
love you from a distance
keep my place in the shadows.
just as the future calls for me,
it calls for you
whether hell or heaven
you’ll beg for me again,
and i will make you answer,
suffer for your sins.

at the violet hour
when your eyes turn to me
like a vulture preying
i hear your voice like
sawdust spraying
off the back of the blades
you’re making your way towards me
i duck i run i put the distance
between us
it’s never for pleasure
like a game of chess
and no one’s the winner.
your slurred words call out
for one more moment
but i know, i know…
at the violet hour
when i let you in again
your chainsaw talons on my skin
my breath sparks like a shower
mid-July, the tarot tower—
every city falls to ashes.
and i cry and i cry to Marie
she tells me it’s just your temperament
frigid and burning
you leave me turning in circles
creating a story out of silence:
i pretend you love me
at the violet hour
when the cars pull up the driveway
i see your truck shudder
your lazuli eyes to follow
i know you’ll fill me again
or leave me hollow.
a vermin on the roadside
to do with as you wish.

i’ve watched the fragments fall.
your calloused fingers hold the chisel
close but never enough
to completely split in two.
porcelain skin chipped,
unrecognizable by now.
i stood as still as a statuette,
i’ve allowed this every minute,
disregarded the repercussions
just to be beside you
only to be beside you
forming a pile of shards
beside you.
your warm, rough hands
and fixed eyes,
mind set to destroy me,
watch me crumble,
do nothing.

scatter me across the
places where we would meet:
the fire pit,
the dim lit street,
the padded arm
of the love seat.

a painted glass life
was never enough,
could never be enough.
but to be beside you…

i wish i could see you without me
rubbing the dust off of your feet.
your tired eyes and pale skin,
i wonder if they’re colored differently.
without me.
this is the life that you chose.
you wake in the morning alone.
you go home at night alone.
without me.
i wonder how you breathe
through thin lips and crooked nose
and how it is you sleep
after putting so many beers
down your throat.

in my memory,
your cold fingers in december:
over my jawline,
in my shirt,
across every crescent.
i felt each callous on my pores.
your scent seeped into me
through my bloodstream—
i was hooked.
i told you i couldn’t wait,
all but begged you to choose me,
i wanted to spend my life with you.
even worse, i still do.

i wish i could see you without me.
are you happy? do you
smile? does your laugh
rumble the way it used to,
the dimples in your cheeks
forming parentheses?
without me.

it all spewed from your mouth
like boiling hot coffee falling to the ground
you slipped me the cue, showing angles on the green
equations, calculations, you said it was easy
everything is easy to you
you spoke of flight patterns
and aerial views
you didn’t mention the airsickness
nor the dramamine pills
you drawled on and on
and the smoke rose to the top
smoke from the cigarette, steam from the coffee ***
a certain number of hours, you said,
was all you would need
as i held the wooden stick and
missed the ball again.

we watched for the Perseids
by a fire on the lawn
that was before i knew

all those late night talks
would turn into something that
i cannot turn off

we watched for the Perseids
while Denver sang about roads
that was before i felt it

every star falling to the ground
burning through our skin
we couldn’t stop it

this is our fate
shooting through the skies
close, but never together
disintentegrating every time

Your hands arachnid
Crawling over me-
Bristled and viscous,
Venomous and binding.
You wove patterns
Under my skin.
Beautiful and unnerving,
The silken threads cover me.
Those terrible eyes haunt my dreams,
My chest pierced by fanged teeth.
You left me in your web to wait.
I can't escape what you have made.