I hope you wake up
Lonely
With gray dawn and
Spiders
In your eyes

I hope you can’t
Sleep
And shadows dance
In the corners of
Your room and
Follow you
With my
Face

I hope you’re cold and
The cobwebs that
Hang inside your
Dreams brush against
Your cheeks and
Creep into your ears
Whispering my name
Until you beg them
To stop

I hope you try to run
Faster
Blindly stumbling
As ropes of
Memory wrap around your
Legs and drag you
Back to where
They once tangled
With mine

And I hope you wake up
Lonely

With a heart full
Of stones

needy eyes
burn into my
heart is
beating like
the sound of
turbulence
on an airplane
just before the crash
because

she needs

anything to
hold on to
my hands
I can
give you
what I'm
hanging on
to something
worthwhile but
the things
I hold are
just things

I wanted

and they're
not
what she

needs

after all

I pity your daughter
And all the little girls
Whose listening ears are
Steeping in the poison
Creeping out of her pores
Like the festering mold
That comes when good things die
Without the sun

I pity your daughter
For the things you never
Taught her or maybe you
Said them but you were too
Busy praising her lack
Of skill to make her see

That in this new free world
Her hatred will have no
Place because we aren’t quite
Perfect but we try and
Her eyes that only see
Skin and race will not serve
Her well if she leaves the
Backwoods and opens her
Mouth in all its wrongness

My sister’s beauty and
My best friend’s wit are lost
In her ignorance and
I pity your daughter
For the world and the life
And the magnificence
Of a song that she will
Not be able to hear

It’s a shame.

“If you need water
Just ask”
But what I really
Need
Is pen and
Paper because
I’m bleeding
Words
Run faster
Than my mind
Can think
And your
Stone cold needle
****** find
No blood left
Inside my
Fingers
Clenched up
Holding on to
All that’s left of
Sanity
I never had

Tonight

Still you want
Blood?
Open up my mouth
And draw it
From my bitten
Tongue
Look inside my
Head and
Shout for the doctor
To come stitch my
Thoughts
Back together into
Someone who makes
Sense and
Sees light
At the end of

This tunnel

You offer Band-Aids
Trying to
Patch together these
Holes in my hands
And ask how
And who and when
“I guess you won’t
Do that again?”
Chuckling softer than
The ticks of the
Clock I’ve been
Watching
Counting down
All my words
Are slipping out
Of consciousness
I’m holding on
To grains of sand
Blowing away in
Winter wind
And
The mattress is
Soaked in the
Sweaty truth of
Words
You
Were too busy
To hear
To see
To ask

“Why?”

So bandage me
Up with your
Perfect prescribed smiles
Tsks and tuts and
“What would your
Mother think”s
And I’ll try to
Fit the pieces
Back together
By myself
With pencils
And napkins in
Your waiting room
While a cab comes
To carry me
Away

"Home"

you weren't
                      anything to me
         worth
                  
                  the time it took
                  to type these
                  words

Sometimes I still
Choke
On my memories of
You
Two months gone and
Somehow
I'm still
Breathing
Inhale in push yin
Exhale out push yang
You found me
In the
Dark
But I never saw
Light
Until you left me
Alone

Dear girl who
I used to know,

Black-dress-blue-sweater-girl
Sad girl
Scared girl

Dear smart girl,

You knew all
Along
Didn’t you?

Five months ago
You knew
That letting go
And letting in
Would only let out
Everything that you
Should
Have let
Wither away

All those

Little green wisps
Of hope for
Life love laughter

You knew

They should have been
Buried inside your
Chest filled with hope
And a heart that still
Knew how to
Beat

Alone

You knew
All those

Little tendrils of light
Should have been
Cried out silently behind
A closed door

Dear girl who
I used to be,

Lonely girl
Cold girl
Wise girl

Dear strong girl,

You knew
You tried to

Warn me

Dear girl who
Screamed into pillows
After two weeks
Because she knew
That
She felt herself
Sliding helplessly
Into arms
That weren’t safe
Slipping away
With no grip
On reality,

You knew all
Along
Didn’t you?
You tried to

Warn me

Dear black-dress-blue-sweater, scared, sad, smart, unbroken girl…
Dear Me,

Dear Mind,

I’m so
Sorry
I never have
Known how to
Listen.

Please forgive me.

Yours truly,
                  
                                        Heart