People say I have no heart;
I don't feel anything.
Mind of steel,
And no emotions,
That’s who I want to be.
But when I'm sitting all alone,
And problems are provoked,
Tears pour down my face
As I wish for a better way to cope.
If only people knew,
What lies behind my mask.
Maybe they would know it all,
And wouldn’t have to ask.
People say I have no heart,
But it definitely is beating.
Its there reminding me of you all the time.
Wishing for you to go.
All alone I sit and stare,
Wishing for better times.
It feels as if I've lost it all,
Especially my mentality.
People say I have no heart,
I don’t feel anything.
Oh, I wish how that were so.
I wouldn’t have to deal with this pain,
And I could be content at last.

I feel so alone.
I feel like everyone just left.
I isolated myself,
And pushed everyone away.
I sit unaccompanied replaying horrid memories in my mind-
Thinking revolting thoughts that just won’t go away.
I’m not content with who I am anymore,
I despise every part of who I am.
I allowed myself to lose everyone and everything of importance.
I permitted myself to descend off the boundaries of life,
And live in a world where only my mind exists.
I lost the main part of myself,
That made who I am evident.
The person I am deep down is vague and slowly disappearing.
I failed at staying true to whom I was,
I successfully left the minds and thoughts of everyone I cared about.
I cut-off everyone from the bonds that once were shared.
And mutual feelings were broken.
I feel so alone,
Because I effectively lost everyone,
And everything that once mattered.
Everyone is gone,
Except for my own mind that is decomposing as well.

We're all blank canvases,
Just waiting to be filled in.
We all want to be splashed with colors;
We all want to become a master piece.
Globs of color streak the page.
Blue paint drips down,
Showing the pouring rain we all have felt.
The brush moves around the canvas,
Almost without reason.
But making what used to be blank,
just a bit less empty.
Each color adds more personality,
providing depth to the once lifeless idea.
Red color surrounds the positive shades of yellow,
revealing multiple moments of fear and anger.
Every emotion becomes enhanced,
once emotions become sprawled across the page.
The paint of people,
words,
ideas,
can change any blank canvas,
into something beautiful.

Beliefs are now forgotten,
Maybe they never existed.
But all those thoughts feel rotten,
I guess all my ‘friends’ should’ve persisted.

Occasionally I wonder if I ever believed in bliss,
Or if I just assumed it would happen at some point.
I guess we all must fail at remiss,
Maybe all we can do is disappoint.

When I ponder over what actually matters,
My mind turns blank.
Everything I care about ultimately shatters,
It’s hard to ever thank.

I try to never frown.
But even happiness must fade.
Thoughts turn upside-down,
As I wish memories would’ve stayed.

Past thoughts will always remain,
And love will never die.
I still can’t help but wish all that would drain,
And leave me to wonder why.

I wish to disappear,
To fade into the ground.
Feelings could be clear,
Perhaps all of them could be found.

Everything must collapse,
Or nothing new could begin.
But I wish to stop hitting relapse,
Maybe then I could leave with a grin.

A decision will always stay.
In the very back of my head.
Sometimes I wish it would decay,
At times I hope it will never shed.

But we can’t ever disregard,
Or all our hopes and memories would always be left scarred.

My surroundings and thoughts are so familiar,
I’ve been here so many times before.
Sometimes it feels like a past life:
Like it never even happened.
But then I am swept away to that place again,
And everything feels so memorable,
So wrong,
And yet so right at the same time.
It feels as if someone is controlling my arms for me,
Making me do what I do.
Sometimes I throw some mentality in there to make it stop,
Sometimes I put up no struggle.
If this isn’t what’s supposed to happen,
Then why does it happen so much?
I can’t fight the urge anymore,
I can’t just silence out my thoughts.
Everyone has a monster inside them,
And mine can’t help but break away.
Sometimes it can be more controlling than I am.
Sometimes I’m too weak to make it stop.
Sometimes,
I don’t even want it to.

Everything basically went the same.
No traumatic event really popped into my life.
Nothing really awakened me either.
It’s as if I’ve been sleeping for so long,
I hardly feel alive anymore.
Nothing happened to make me feel this way,
It just some how happened.
One day everything was simply different.
In a completely complex way.
Surroundings became sheltered,
Ideas were pushed down.
And I closed my mind to the beauty of the world.
It just sort-of happened.
One-day feelings just changed,
And they changed me as well.
Maybe I just couldn’t see anything that I could be content with,
Or maybe everything good really did disappear.
But I was blind.
It’s not that anything truly went wrong,
It’s just that nothing really went right.

Everything basically went the same.
No traumatic event really popped into my life.
Nothing really awakened me either.
It’s as if I’ve been sleeping for so long,
I hardly feel alive anymore.
Nothing happened to make me feel this way,
It just some how happened.
One day everything was simply different.
In a completely complex way.
Surroundings became sheltered,
Ideas were pushed down.
And I closed my mind to the beauty of the world.
It just sort-of happened.
One-day feelings just changed,
And they changed me as well.
Maybe I just couldn’t see anything that I could be content with,
Or maybe everything good really did disappear.
But I was blind.
It’s not that anything truly went wrong,
It’s just that nothing really went right.

Cold liquid streams down my face,
Symmetrical positions which wet my cheeks.
Tears seem to connect to my heart,
And my entire body feels empty.
Emotions come pouring out.
Like a rain shower,
Each drop is useless,
But all together they are powerful.
Thoughts are too much to control,
And a sense of vulnerability is caused.
My heart depends on the one I love:
Even more useful than my own mind.
One intellect is thoughtful,
But two minds are influential.
Your words have more meaning,
And just your presence is enough to help
Anything.
Your heart is enough to mend
Everything.
And there is no place else I’d rather be,
Then right here in your arms

I want to be fearless.
I want to make choices
That could turn my life into a mess,
But still no care,
Because I couldn't care less.
I want to have the ability to say "I don't care".
I want to do whatever comes to my mind at any moment,
And not mind if anyone bothers to stare.
This is life,
And I'm tired of hiding behind my coward face.
Because of it,
I was traveling at my slowest pace,
Hoping each day to leave this world without a trace.
But now I'm done,
And I'm leaving the person I once claimed to be behind.
I hope that in the end it will have been the real me
That has truly won,
And not the recreant me,
That hopelessly maintained to carry on.

I wish that I could be like a bird,
To fly around everywhere,
Never saying a word.
There would be no barriers,
No boundaries at all,
I would be free to go places big or small.
Nothing would be able to shut me down,
No problem no obstacle to make me frown.
The world can come at me,
But I can fight,
I can face anything at any height.
I’m more powerful than any fright.

The cool air flows throughout my skin,
Trying to hinder but only leaving a grin.
Nothing can turn my spirits astray,
Nothing can take my freedom away.
My new-found liveliness is here to stay.

I love to feel the pain
That I thought I could no longer feel.
When I feel emotionless,
Empty,
Destroyed,
I crave feeling.
I crave to have that glistening blade
Slice across my skin.
I crave to watch
Till shiny red
Comes pouring out like all my emotions did.
I love to see my feelings,
My sanity
Right in front of my eyes.
Sometimes
It's just nice to feel something.

It’s not enough anymore.
The convenient friendship,
The lack of a heart,
The never-ending harsh words,
The fake smile,
The nights where I can finally fall asleep and forget,
The times where I can run till I can’t think,
The times where I concentrate till I disregard everything else,
It’s just not enough to pull me through the day anymore.
Pain is exposed,
Scars are enhanced,
Tears flow more frequently,
People start to notice.
And it’s just not enough to hide it anymore.
The wounds that wont heal,
The mind that feels broken,
The smile that disappeared,
It’s all too much.
Trying to hide the pain,
Just isn’t enough anymore.

Can you let go of something you never really had?
A person that filled a space,
But never had a heart or any emotions to show for it.
A bond that had a name,
But no meaning behind it at all.
Your absence goes almost unknown,
Because I don’t think you were ever here at all.

You had the ability to make me fall to the ground.
You had the mentality to convince me to turn against the ones I love.
You had the power to change me,
So ultimately you used it,
And expect me to just keep coming back for more.

I’m done holding on to something I never even had,
I’m finished giving in to something as pointless as this.
And I’m giving up on someone that should have never even mattered.

When is the right time to release the people who are bad for you,
To give happiness a chance,
And to over power those negative thoughts.
When is the right time to change?

When is the right time to let go?

I don't think,
I don't listen,
I don't feel.
After multiple forces of impact,
your mind and body become one,
and simply give up.
Your legs stop running.
Your brain stops producing thoughts,
and your heart stops beating.
Your entire body becomes lifeless.
When you give up, and are forced to move on too many times.
It hurts.
And your mind eventually gives up too.
It decides it can't take anymore.
Life is too unbearable,
every choice and every action goes on without a reason.
Life doesn't wait for lifeless people,
It moves on,
While you're still stuck in a maze of problems.
Life and death may work hand in hand,
But they're enemies.
Life moves on to another chapter,
And death picks up the people that just couldn't handle it.

My surroundings are so blue,
so clear,
and the heart of yours is oh so near.
I never want to leave this breath-taking sight,
Because those blue oceans sparkle even during the night.
They glow and they shine,
making a pathway directing to your complex mind.
They stop others right in their tracts,
they're more stunning than diamonds-those are the facts.
I can't find my way out,
and that's fine with me.
Being lost in your eyes is where I want to be.

I hear it all the time,
People say it like it’s so easily understood.
But a word is just a word,
Until you embrace it,
Until you give it meaning,
Until you actually feel it.
I never knew the word love had any real depth to it.
People throw it around like it’s nothing.
But once you actually feel it,
You know it.
And it’s the best feeling every imaginable.
Love is the way you look into my eyes,
And I don’t dare to glance away.
Love is the way I never want to let go,
Of the hand you’ve trusted me to hold.
Love is the way I feel when I’m with you.
A smile is inevitable,
And I dread the moment that being with you ends.
Love is looking into the future,
And seeing just the same.
You’ve added meaning to the words
I never thought I’d understand.
And you’ve added a feeling to my heart,
I never thought was possible.

A picture shows us smiling,
How happy we once were.
But hatred kept on piling,
Turning pleasure into a blur.

I tried to keep our amity,
I wanted you to stay.
Although when in actuality,
It just slowly started to decay.

Replay it all within my mind,
That’s something I do everyday.
Memories can hurt I find,
I discovered that to my dismay.

But I can’t forget what once was there,
I can’t help but always care.

Not everything is always as it seems,
we all fake everything- and go on to make believe.
We all say lies,
and play some games.
Nothing is real,
nothing is as it seems.
Secrets lye under unreal smiles,
we hide them away,
just to play a role,
Just to force our identity to hide away.

An interpretation can throw away one's doubt,
it can stop all your worry.
But nothing is as it seems to be,
and sometimes it's best to choose a different route.
Nothing is ever exactly what lies on the surface,
nothing is ever that easy;
Nothing is ever what it seems to be.

I hear it all the time,
People say it like it’s so easily understood.
But a word is just a word,
Until you embrace it,
Until you give it meaning,
Until you actually feel it.
I never knew the word love had any real depth to it.
People throw it around like it’s nothing.
But once you actually feel it,
You know it.
And it’s the best feeling every imaginable.
Love is the way you look into my eyes,
And I don’t dare to glance away.
Love is the way I never want to let go,
Of the hand you’ve trusted me to hold.
Love is the way I feel when I’m with you.
A smile is inevitable,
And I dread the moment that being with you ends.
Love is looking into the future,
And seeing just the same.
You’ve added meaning to the words
I never thought I’d understand.
And you’ve added a feeling to my heart,
I never thought was possible.

Who we are stops at a point.
I really wanted to extend it.
But when I see how things are now,
I really wish I would’ve loved it.
Nothing between us was perfect,
Good days came with bad.
But between all that,
We had something-
Something I could be proud of.
Unfortunately all that slowly faded away,
Just as we did.
Leaving me nothing to be proud of.
I wish I ‘d been appreciative,
For seeing you everyday.
For knowing I could talk to you,
Even if it wasn’t in the sense I wanted.
I wish I could go back;
I wish I could trade all of this for what we had,
For what I should’ve valued so much.
But now I’m stuck with your shadow,
Wishing for something more.
Only regretting how happy I should’ve been,
Compared to how degraded I feel now.

It hurts to say goodbye

I reflect on why it hurts so much,
Just to look you in the eyes.
I wonder what happened between us all,
To make us feel this way.
What happened to the people we used to be?
The people we valued so much?
But all the happiness that once was,
Turned into too much agonizing fear.

It didn’t hurt when I stayed up for hours thinking of you.
It didn’t hurt when we would laugh until we cried.
It didn’t hurt to trust you.
It didn’t hurt to consider you a friend.

But it did hurt to say goodbye.
It hurt to walk away.
It hurt to stand alone with nothing but regret.
It hurt to have memories flood back.
It hurt to be surrounded by nothing by darkness.
Because all light disappeared along with you.
It hurt to let go of everything I thought I had,
Maybe that choice is what hurts the most.

You didn’t hurt me,
Saying goodbye did.

Everyone craves to feel important.
We cling to the people that make it clear we're significant.
But when you strive for everyone to adore you at every moment,
People start to leave.
You can't expect everyone to cherish you all the time,
You can't be in the spot light every second.
Even though we all secretly want that.
I feel bad for all the arrogance you've acquired,
And for all the important people in your life,
Who will ultimately walk out because of your selfishness,
And inability to understand.
When you make yourself feel on top of the world,
And make everyone else feel inferior,
People leave.
And you turn into the monster.

Why must I be me?
Ill be anybody else.
Out of all the people in the world,
Why must I be stuck with being me?

I’ve always tried to find out who I am.
I felt empty,
And like my own identity was missing.
I wish I had never gone looking,
For now I’m ashamed with my results.
This was never my plan.
Finding myself was supposed to send all the worry elsewhere.
I was supposed to finally be satisfied.
This negative feeling was finally going to be put to rest.

But now there’s no going back.
This is who I am,
But this is everything I don’t want to be.
I’ll be anybody else.
Please help me escape.
I can’t stand it here much longer,
My own intellect is killing me from the inside out.

My surroundings and thoughts are so familiar.
I’ve been here so many times before.
Sometimes it feels like a past life:
Like it never even happened.
But then I am swept away to that place again,
And everything feels so memorable,
So wrong,
And yet so right at the same time.
It feels like someone is controlling my arms for me,
Making me do what I do.
Sometimes I throw some of my own reasoning in there to make it stop.
But sometimes I put up no struggle.
If this isn’t what’s supposed to happen,
Then why must it happen so much?
I can’t fight the urge anymore,
I can’t just silence out my thoughts.
Everyone has a monster living inside them,
And mine can’t help but break away.
Sometimes it takes over.
Sometimes I’m too weak to make it stop.
Sometimes,
I don’t even want it to.

Does it ever really go away?
Old toxins,
Which I thought were cleared,
Keep on returning.
The poison is stuck inside me,
And doesn’t resist to strike pain again and again.
I thought that all of this was over.
But does it ever really go away?
My emotions and my mentality
Are throbbing.
And I am left once again
To the indecisiveness and inability of my own intellect.
I’m so tired,
Of feeling out of control.
I’m sick of feeling like there is two parts to me
And they are conflicting.
The damage is anything but quick and anything but fatal,
Which is a difficulty within itself.
But eventually,
The poison does conceal.
But does it ever really go away?

Go ahead and pretend like you know,
Just keep adding to the story-
as a thought appears among your mind,
Lies unravel,
and your beliefs of who I am have changed again.
You think you've known-
You think you've seen all this coming,
But I isolated myself from you and your inconsistent beliefs long ago.
I'm writing my own story now,
Like I should have all this time.
Adding to the plot line.
and deleting those characters that never even mattered.
You think you know exactly who I am;
Then why didn't you see this coming?
Our stories aren't the same anymore,
and neither are we.

Go ahead and pretend like you know,
Just keep adding to the story-
as a thought appears among your mind,
Lies unravel,
and your beliefs of who I am have changed again.
You think you've known-
You think you've seen all this coming,
But I isolated myself from you and your inconsistent beliefs long ago.
I'm writing my own story now,
Like I should have all this time.
Adding to the plot line.
and deleting those characters that never even mattered.
You think you know exactly who I am;
Then why didn't you see this coming?
Our stories aren't the same anymore,
and neither are we.

Go ahead and pretend like you know,
Just keep adding to the story-
as a thought appears among your mind,
Lies unravel,
and your beliefs of who I am have changed again.
You think you've known-
You think you've seen all this coming,
But I isolated myself from you and your inconsistent beliefs long ago.
I'm writing my own story now,
Like I should have all this time.
Adding to the plot line.
and deleting those characters that never even mattered.
You think you know exactly who I am;
Then why didn't you see this coming?
Our stories aren't the same anymore,
and neither are we.

Thoughts can rearrange,
And feelings can dislocate.
But Memories could never change,
Nor could we modify our fate.

What’s meant to be might occur,
If we try enough to get there,
But I must give up I’m sure,
Even If I once would care.

Thoughts I had are gone,
They disappeared at last.
Your time here was far overdrawn,
Even if it seems you left fast.

But deep inside my soul,
A piece of you remains.
You made one big hole,
Why must people insist you’re vane?

You’ve shown me many times,
That not all of you is appalling.
You’re not capable of such crimes,
You’re really just pretending.

Every time I try to write,
I don’t know what to say.
You always occupy my mind,
Yet I can’t explain the reasons why.

It’s like a never-ending dream,
It’s like a child in a toy store,
Perfect in their own ways,
And yet the continual joy is too much to explain.

It seems you’re always on my mind,
But I don’t want you anywhere else.
Like a infinite fantasy-
An escape,
And possibly just what I need.

You’re here with every decision,
You’re there in every dream,
You help make things better,
And give existence more importance.

I can’t explain the feelings that you give me,
I can’t explain the excitement you place deep inside me,
I can’t clarify the immense feeling I get when I’m with you,
All I know,
Is you make every situation,
Every idea,
Just a little better.
You make living worth it.

I just have so much to say,
When it seems nothing is ever left to stay.
Everything's always been washed away so fast,
and I just want what we have together to last.
I want to wake up each day and know that you're there,
So please stay,
cause what we have is just too rare.
I don't want to ever have to let go,
because loosing you would make my heart sink so low.
What we have together is what brightens each day;
You are my sun, and your presence is it's ray.
So stay with me forever,
because a future with you is for what I'm most ready for.

I love to feel the pain
That I thought I could no longer feel.
When I feel emotionless,
Empty,
Destroyed,
I crave feeling.
I crave to have that glistening blade
Slice across my skin.
I crave to watch
Till shiny red
Comes pouring out like all my emotions did.
I love to see my feelings,
My sanity
Right in front of my eyes.
Sometimes
It's just nice to feel something.

I used to sit,
and think
about all those times
that I've been hurt.
I would sit here,
in this very spot
and reflect on why I simply hate
everything.
I would sit for hours in self-pity,
and that was normal for me.

I never really understood,
why nothing ever changed.
Why everything constantly stayed the same,
no matter what I did.
Day by day,
I waited
for everything to get better.
It didn't
I waited for happiness
to come to me.

But now things are different.
Not just different,
better.
so much better.
Now,
I can make my own life happen.
I'm done waiting.

Wake up from the dream

I refuse to make a huge list
And say this is exactly what I want from a guy,
That’s stupid and unethical.
Nobody’s perfect.
Go find someone who’s able to achieve every command,
I’d like to see you try.
What is perfect anyway?
Someone lacking feelings or any personality what so ever?
I don’t see many people choosing that,
Over an actual person.
This list just proves how committed you are,
And how much you are allowing yourself to be toward a person.
You might as well be locked away,
And call that your relationship.
I refuse to pretend like this perfect list will magically happen.
I won’t make believe the person with every dream quality
Will come falling out of the sky.
I don’t want that.
I want an imperfect person,
Someone to show me the little imperfections of life,
And allow me to be happy.
Because only then can someone come even remotely close to finding pleasure.
I don’t want a dream person in my life,
I want someone who can make me smile.
I want you,
With everything you lack.

Wasting all my time,
Just thinking of what could be.
I never run out of thoughts,
They seem to control me.
I want to be content,
With everything I have.
But then more thoughts return,
Leading me to what’s bad.
Shooting like a rocket,
Through my very head,
Even feelings can overpower.
But I just want to look ahead.
I want to look to the future,
And hope for something good.
But past times have shown me,
Nothing is, as it seems.
People will let you down,
Sending you stumbling to a mind-controlling abyss.
But I can’t stop from hoping,
It will finally end in bliss.
I escort you from my mind,
Hoping you’ll never return.
But one glance is all it takes,
Till you’re right back on my mind.

What happened to all those times we shared?
What happened to believing that you cared?
You left in a heart beat and didn’t look back,
It seems you’re the only thing that I now lack.
But I cannot forget all the times you were here,
I refuse to disregard all the times you felt near.
I wish what we had never had to adjourn,
I wish that what we had could finally return.
But you’re gone now and I have to accept,
That maybe who you are isn’t inept.
I need to move on and leave you behind,
I need to find the courage to get you out of my mind.
The harder I fell the worse that it got,
Only making me wish and hope for what I’m not.
But all that proves is that I have to move on,
I have to see that every little thing we had is gone.

What happened to all those times we shared?
What happened to believing that you cared?
You left in a heart beat and didn’t look back,
It seems you’re the only thing that I now lack.
But I cannot forget all the times you were here,
I refuse to disregard all the times you felt near.
I wish what we had never had to adjourn,
I wish that what we had could finally return.
But you’re gone now and I have to accept,
That maybe who you are isn’t inept.
I need to move on and leave you behind,
I need to find the courage to get you out of my mind.
The harder I fell the worse that it got,
Only making me wish and hope for what I’m not.
But all that proves is that I have to move on,
I have to see that every little thing we had is gone.