When I was in the fourth grade I thought of it. When I was in the nineth grade, I wished for it. When I was in the tenth grade I dreamt of it, but now I am in the eleventh grade, and I continuously beg for it.

I am pleading with whatever God there may be; to allow me to receive my one and only true release from this never-ending misery. An escape from my growing insanity.

This is it. I refuse to continue praying for better brighter days, because it seems like The Divine will not answer those prayers for me. Now my prayers have changed. The end of my days. That's what I pray, beg, and plead for. That's what my heart, soul, and mind needs. This, maybe, God can answer for me.

I looked at you and you looked back at me,
but all I could see was the love we once shared
slowly dying.

In the beginning everything was great.
Until I made that fatal mistake.
Now nothing between us will ever be the same.
My heart is cracking into a million pieces.


Yes, I know that it was all my fault,
but it does not change the pain I feel.
The pain I feel when you cannot stand to look at me.
The pain I feel when you cannot stand to touch me.

Please tell me what I can do to make this right.
I would give my very life if that were what it would take.
I have made many mistakes,  
but being foolish enough to let you slip away is one I cannot make.

Without you my life would be meaningless.
No longer will I have a reason to wake.
If you tell me that your love for me has died my heart will cease to beat.

I looked at you, but your back is all that is facing me.
All your attention is lost in another direction.
In this moment I realized your eternal answer.
With that my heart froze into a crystal of ice and shattered to pieces.
My skin became hard, pale, and cold.
I turned and walked away
never to look back again.

In the beginning everything was great.
Until I made that fatal mistake.
Now nothing between us will ever be the same.

Falling in love with you has only made me cry;
For I see now your love was a lie.

I know, deep down, I must find the strength to take hold of my life.
Only then can I spread my wings and fly.

I have been too soft, too kind, to do what needs to be done.
I changed myself to fit your vision of who I should be, but no longer will I look into the mirror and not recognize me.

We were not meant to be, this is clear to see, now we can both be free.  
No more will there be a you and me.
One day, maybe, true love will come our way; until then I wish you well.
Hate me if you please; no longer will that faze me.

We warmed each other’s hearts for some time; sadly, the flames inevitably died.
Every day we both felt the heat fading away.
Try as we might to rekindle the spark; A new burning flame would not start.

We shall touch no more, we shall kiss no more, and we shall make passionate love no more; because as we see, this love was not meant to be.

There is only one person, if she can be called a person at all, that truly knows me. She knows all my secrets, my truths, and my lies. She knows every single detail there is to know about my life, who I am, who I was and who I hope to become. She is the one I trust most of all, because I know with complete certainty that she will never betray me, or act in any way against my best interests.

   She has always been with me; I can’t remember a single day when she wasn’t there. She was there at the moment of my birth, mimicking my actions just to the side of me as I wiggled and cried under the beam of blinding white lights in the hands of an unknown doctor.  

   I was not always aware of her presence; especially during dark times she is difficult to find, although I do not blame her for this, it is simply her nature. Besides, it was on one of my brightest and happiest days when I first noticed her. Silently she was walking along beside me. She did not disturb my peace with ideal chatter; she just continued down the path with me, perfectly keeping in step with my pace.

   From that day on she has been my wordless, nameless friend. Her company is always welcomed, and why wouldn’t it be? She unlike any other, knows me best. Even the darker parts of me she knows all too well; she of all should, especially since she is a visual manifestation of my darkest self. Only when light is cast upon me can she, my dark shadow, make her presence known.