I miss when we were one
one breathing creature,
watching television,
cooking side by side,
making love
and kissing after
hugging and holding and being glad
because I got over my phobia

I miss the feeling of being independent
not worrying about how far you are
and being able to think about ourselves for once
because we're not preoccupied by the distance

this year
how long will it be?
Christmas?
Christmas and I'll see you again
just six more months
good God

till then,  you will eat up my thoughts
till then, I'll go mad with wanting you
till we can be together and ourselves
I will simply breathe for you

i am the book
left unread

i am the book
that remains on the shelf

i am the book
surrounded by books with prettier covers

i am the book
dusty and worn

i am the book
you picked up from the shelf

even though im worn and broken
you still want me.

Ask me “what’s wrong?”
I’ll always say “tired”
Don’t be fooled
you know the truth
Know me too well
If I were truly sleepy
I would be very loopy
Don’t be fooled
you know the truth

Saddest girl with a smile
on her face never fades
dances with the wind
cries with the rain
she wants no one to see her pain
heartbreaking words said with a smile
she’s been holding it in for a while

Silliest girl without a care
says goofy things
seems so unaware
much more introspective,
reserved than you’d think

Gives hugs freely
friends embrace
but she won’t give
him a chance to kiss her face

Scared someone will
look her in the eye
and know the things
that make her cry
Can barely talk
to her closest friends
secretly likes it
when they pry

Longs for the days of ole
never tell a soul
Pretty, isn’t she?
silently, *“please don’t see me”.

I don’t much care for
this summer heat anymore.
No one likes to touch.

I much prefer fall—
its chilled breezes and need for
some warm, close contact.

Tighter hugs, stronger
drinks, shorter days, and longer
nights with encouraged

cuddling, cuddl—
ing, cuddling, cuddling,
cuddling— you dig?

if i could say that i wanted to go to college
i would also tell you that i want the obscene white lighting in the dorms
the sticky notes on the doors
the toothpaste on the bathroom mirror
and the hair on the floor.
i want the dry-erase boards
with the list of rules
for the kitchen
(because college girls
are nasty *******
and let **** mold all over the place)
i want the plastic bowls
and the old coffee cups
and the rugs that smell like dead popcorn.
i'll even take all the cliches
all the girls in ugg boots and yoga pants
all the weird kids who follow you and talk to you all the way down the hall
the ****** professors
the too-hard classes
and the cafeteria food

i want to go to ******* college.
a real one
a four-year school
i want to live in the ******* dorms
i want to be out on my own.

baby wants to be
a college baby
baby is tired
of being a *******

i wish i wasn't
trapped
here

baby,
your hip bones aren't supposed to be sticking out
your ribs aren't supposed to either
they pump you full of pictures
of skeleton girls in cute bikinis
and weight loss tips
and though you always think "don't let it get to you, they're wrong"
it gets in your head.
because all the boys commenting on the photos say they'd totally ride her
long and hard
and all the comments on the girl who's slightly overweight
involves comparisons to cows
and you're so soaked in social media
that you can't help but see it
and all the girls commenting on how that's all they
want

but if all you want from life is to be "slightly sick"
to eat things and then puke them up
or not eat at all
you will never be satisfied
because you are feeding a hunger that does not go away
you lose the ability to judge how skinny
is too skinny
how pretty
is too pretty
after all, they are
the same
thing...

baby,
stop looking at those pictures.
stop reading those comments.
stop letting a pornographic generation of boys
tell you that ****** appeal is all you're worth.
start saying to yourself
i am not on the same level as a pornstar
because that is unrealistic
because **** is make believe
with plastic barbie dolls
to set the scene....
baby,
pretty isn't skinny
like pretty isn't fat
WE KNOW WHAT PRETTY REALLY IS

....we just ignore that fact.