Her heart easily kneels on persuasive words
barely think reasonably
dehydrated heart cravings for love
and to be loved in return
she wants Joker to take the throne
then whisper sweet nothings to her, eloquently
she convinced herself that his mistakes then won't happen ever again
she drowns in a sea of denial
in retrospect, the dents was only errancy
for he is the love of her life

theres this girl..
who once fell in love with someone who had no intention to catch
over..
and over..
and over..
and over..
left cracks, no bandage could cover
so she started to believe love is just simply a word.
an empty word, so impure
strictly forbidden to be spoken of, as well as to be heard
and decided to live in a condemned castle
she builds a wall so high no man could climb
a wall covered with thorns of roses from the phony poet.
a burning wall that could melt even the strongest harness
there would be no phony prince in harness who rides a white horse
could pass the roses and the sweet letters to her.
at least she could be the princess on her own.
no prince written in her who-to-love list
and even
henceforth
there is no such list in her life

I
she has knocked on every door
but no one cared enough to open
it made her love aimless
those who wanted her flesh but weren't willing to receive her true love
no matter how much or how painful it was for her to crawl and beg them
no one is willing to settle
II
she buried all her feelings
because she thought none of it is important anymore
she dims her remaining light
and became as dark as humanly possible

she put all the memories about him in boxes, and stashed it to an enchanted place that will move in every second so no one not even her could ever find it
but one thing she didn't know
the memories are too strong to be stashed, there is no spell strong enough to hold them.
haunted by her own memories
the series of our french kisses memory
when he held her so tight that she was unable to reach for the air kind of memories
Even thinking about it still leaves bruises in her mind
beautiful memories, turned into nightmares
nightmares that she hopes, will never occur again

she heard someone knocking on her door
but when she opened it no one was there
then she looked down
only to find boxes with red ribbon on each of it.
she screams in silence.
and open her eyes
the sun has rised..
- the worst nightmare

serenade her with celestial notes
appease her with tremendous affection
heal her full-of-brokeness heart, and refill it with beautiful dandelions
an angel deserves those things.
an angel deserves the purest love that a man can give
an angel deserves a man who cares
she won't fly away once she finds something in him
an angel could be anything she want, but her true longing is to be his.

how do i make my coffee less bitter?
how do i make my life less bitter?
how do i make the stories between us less bitter?
how do i make your feelin for me less bitter?
no matter how much i put sugar in them
the taste wont change

i was flying high and solo, then i saw you. the best thing my eyes had ever caught
im willing to sacrifice everything that i have right away, just to get to know you. cause i thought youre worth my attention.
and we met, we laughed, we cried, we make love we share and talk abt everything, we grew up together. you were there at the best and the worst times of my life
everyone was envy with our stories
together we fly so high.
then
you saw her, i had this feeling that you are gonna leave me. but you kept on saying 'thats not gonna happen', and i believe you somehow.
i was prepared to fly again,
but then you grabbed my hand and looked me right in the eyes, and it felt different.
at that moment i knew you've made a decision to turn your way back from me.
i was crying so hard in my silence, as i smile and told you its okay. i understand.
i dont understand a thing, in fact. so confused, in fact.  
you burned my wings
and brought me to the deepest mantle of the earth
left me with only sorrow, solitude, and a shattered heart.

holding onto something exquisite will increase your self-love
you will hold it tighter than ever
so you wont lose it
you will keep it away and safe from the crowd
so you wont lose it
you will put it on a box, the precious one then you lock it
so you wont lose it
but as i said before, self love
what matters for you is you
its all about you
you dont care about how it feels
it hurts to be hold that tight it cant even breath
it feels so lonely to hear no voices and see no one around
it has claustrophobia, for f sake it was ready to burst out of tears for being kept like that
let it go, let it choose by itself
if it meant to be yours, it will be

being skeptical of love
love is a myth
told by someone that doesnt know for sure either
ingeniously camouflaged myth
spoils you with so much fun
so you will never, or you wont ever know what happiness is
then you get numb with the fun
that is when you realized
you chose to exacerbate your mournful, miserable,  useless heart, by falling into that myth.

i really need something or someone to rely on
i dont know what to do with my life, what to choose, which path should i take.
all of me inside out, is rotting
my own body curse me, for a very dark soul that i have
im a real failure
even
to call me satan, is an insult to them
i dont need you trust me
you ll make me worse
stop try to save me
im not worth everything that comes from you
ive burned my heart
i left my self with no heart
just a very terrible soul that left inside me
im rotting
i turned to gray
i dont know is it bad or good
i cant see anything clearly
im standing in front of two doors
its on me now.
im just one decision away from being
the best version of me, or the version you'd never want to know

i am the anchor
but now
i will lift my self up and put myself at the dock
so you can sail away freely
dont mind me, i will be okay.

i believe it will be ardous but again
i will be okay

you ll hear me bawling as you sail away but again
i will be okay

and im quivering as i say goodbye but again
i will okay

this goodbye sounds more like a plea for you to stay