Some days I say.
"Lets wake up again"
Take walks in each others arms today.
Hold hands together.
Under blankets.
On a sniffle-nosed December.
Forget the world.
Sleep in the snow.
Burrow in scattered leaves.
Slate blue flares pink.
Squeeze ourselves into the sky.
Whitest wonder where to think.
1992 to 1993.
I was a younger me.
Too small to see.
It was too cold to dream.
Hot coco at home.
Bunk-beds and snowflake views.
A boy all alone.

Noble
- gases
                                                                                                                             forget
                                                                                                                content.
pound notes smudged with blood
                                                              on the apex
because they were up my nose
            I don't want to hand them over
                - Out of embarrassment?
                - Would he/she care?              
                     take a guess
You can't shove coins up your nose
                                                                 Drugs & gas
- Relax your skeleton                             inhibit fear -
              analgesic undertones
                                 I hope she never comes home

You make me feel ******* sick
                   Worms crawling out of your eyes
                         Usurping Gods life force
                            ******* maggots
                               Ripening breast
                                      come.

Suffocating my unconscious mind
     focal points
telling me where to breath

Clothe your eyes, let go and wear out the surprise
Disassemble the moments, rebuild them in the sky
Colorado here we are, sepia tone worn out and grown
If the photos cant recollect then we’ll have to leave home

Apertures, trinkets and a head full of negatives
Implosive situations merit a need to out rule the decadence
Ticket to my incentive is, fed up with emptiness
Focus on delicate accomplishments thawed out in low Celsius

If I ask to let go and release the tightness of my grip
You can answer the question that dangles from your lips
Objective in this level of murmured hearts plus words
Subtract the start first because times are better for worse

Etched cryptic on a headstone Rosetta to my incentive
The etymology of a descendant given in to another deaf dead
Descent circumvented in every other reason to basically invent
Every other gift on the list if you live differed, the ever
With deliver the clever last or never limp wrist
Heaven ****** and you no longer exist

Suns set and sunsets gloom over mountains and hills
Moonlight cuts through your clothes leaving you naked…still
If you’ve formed an opinion then its very hard to change
Like the weather and the rain, you can precipitate and be gone the next day

Just when you thought you had known all and well
The image blurs and distinguishing features become too hard to tell
Shadow of a former self mimics value and opacity
Crying under bunk-beds alone then laughing to yourself happily

We stare outside, frames per second slow down
25 to 3 and the flowers breath then tell me to go out
Just go now, don't come back, let me be me
If I change now then we’ll all be swept under the sea

Envisage the image then let the residual dissolve
A wooden box, small, brown, precarious, ready to fall
Duct tape, letters and photo spill onto the floor
It showed when we watched the day go by in the summer dress that she wore

heaven is a hole in the wall
heaven is paint peeling off that wall
in an old folks home
reflecting voices that used to be there
waking up
and realising that no one cares
no one is gonna come
residing in our **** and ****
heaven is the loose springs in your bed
keeping you up all night
and cutting up your back
as you stare into the frosted spectre
breathing in the acrid rhythms
of the night
compressed arteries
shallow breathing
heaven is the certainty
that you are finite
heaven is what was here once
but now is gone
heaven is knowing
that your friends, family, father, mother, brother and sister
loved you...
but now they're dead
and you only have yourself left to love
heaven is the death rattle
as you take your last breaths
heaven is the sporadic void
swallowing the darkness
that lurks in your mind
heaven is the realisation
that you are going to hell
heaven is a word...

In my age, I've forgotten how to die.
Throw down my regrets and peel away.
Beds where insects lie in tomorrows wake.
Feather pillows that taste like home.

All tomorrow's 'parties'
Don't mean a thing.

It seems talking now.
Is now a task.
We've sheared our memories in half.
Too late to try say "Goodbye".
This and that, friends don't last.
Drawing pictures of our families.

This is it, it's going to be gone soon.
What do we do? Its ours, just for tonight.
Lets pretend we go our separate ways.
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Cold February winds pushing waves.
How did we get into this mess we're in?
A mess of sadness and phobias.
My words confess to a landslide.

Look into my vessel, blindly emphatic.
Hopeless romantic, inadequate passionate.
Two more mementos to the comfortable and tragic.
I won't fall asleep if this candle blows out.

I'm woozy from this
Night-time rain
Wind in wells
Pelting off my window
Far off it
Far from it
Take the cold away
Push the sun away
I'm sick
Not dressed for the occasion
Winter wear
Damp socks and sharp breath
Woolen hats
Over our heads
And my pockets are wet
I'm tired
Outside our clothes
Marbles and pillows
In our beds
Closed visions
The body of the tea
This carpet is red
My hands are blue
The snow and the sled
I fall into my slumber
I cant ask for any less

My lust collides.
With an ideal story.
Of how we once were.
Towards no greater good.
Trickled lines of fluorescent clouds.
And a head full of sunshine.
Orange Balloons.
At utmost a smile.
Buried in indigo.
Banners of light from the wrist.
Sagging and aged wallpaper.
Strangles the air.
Gives you something to breathe.
If we hold on.
Then we can start to move.
We can start to see.
See past the light.
My colours are fading.
Becoming something new.
As everything contracts and leaves.
Leaving a new day.

i used to get drunk
and lie
now
i get drunk and forget
alleviate regret
let's park ourselves
here
knees in stirrups
lopsided
down
slamming my head
through doors
and
every hour

I'll ask you first and get no reply.
You hold your hand over your mouth.
And take two steps back inside.
Where do we go when we die?
We're leaving for good.
Camping on the skyline.
Playing hard to get around fires.
And holding onto right now.
Can we sleep? Can we breathe?
Can we sit under trees?
Can we never leave?
Is it more than just you or me?
I've lost everything.
And you've found nothing.
Throw it all away.
And we'll pick it back up again.
Cities heal but shapes change.
Falling sideways into our arms.
Waking up in our best dressed *******.
When in rome we hold our heads down.
Dancing tears into new days.
Settle down and go home.
Our joy floats like a sinking stone.
Rocks thrown against the horizon alone.
We're still, like water and time.
Cold from this winter-time wind.
Dead in essence, shy in mind
On our way back we put setbacks behind.
We're home now.

you set yourself too much to do
you're brave enough, just let it go
i'd just jump in
the deep end
again
lay rest to my ashes
forever sleeping
sinking
my best efforts
unbalanced
too much today

featureless eyes propel borderline perverseness

my finger breaks sharply as i press record

the phone line stretched of its own accord

stop and pause but don't turn back

a whimpering couch held up by ropes

emulsified beginnings of dreams and hopes

she paints pain, holes lead to nowhere

lesions torn, shriveled stalk, i care

my shell broken, becomes hair, i tear

***** from my eyes into her mouth

an acetate surfaces to the edge of my mind

i cant speak or see, for i am blind

ink, blood and snot slick my skin

my mirror haunted by the perspex grin

grab hold but the wrists are thin

broken

crushed

swept under

dead

you mean nothing

I'm wasting my life.
Watching you die.
Paper on tongues
And hands In the Sky.
Self imposed solitude.
Happiness that won't last.
I've been crying my eyes out.
From here. From here and back.

I had to fall asleep.
Just to know I was awake.
I had peel off my face.
To know nothing had changed.
We're forever undone
In the circuity of the sun.

My time is up.
The road forks between seasons change.
I float down.
And gaze upon where my body once lay.
Rain water trickles in wait.
Dripping towards the rivers and lakes.
I dissipate between words.
And fall forever skyward, away from heavens gates.

Is it better to be tired?
Or die, apathetic?
My friends won't listen.
They won't wake up.

Laying static, unmoving.
I can't drink from this.
Pool of remembrance.
This boring life we lead.
It'll be better in the morning.
It'll be better.

Everyday is different.
But the people are the same.
Their faces echo boredom.
Winter won't come soon enough.
And I'll stray.

Everyday should be today.
They're all gone. Shes gone.
We walk a snowy road alone.
It'll be better in the morning.
It'll be better

Older than dust

I made you a card

Then you went and smiled

As the pages came apart

I sat by myself

Drinking no beers

Watching Gibberish

Why am I here?

I thought we were

Just old news

Some stupour and daze

Made from lust and *****

Eyes across rooms

Sit down and talk to you

You lean over and whisper

"I love you too"

Something got to you

And I'm not frowning anymore

Something you knew

You didn't know before

just give me a sign
help me find my life tonight
touching trees together
four letter words
i left her again...

a deep seated treasure
staggering throughout certainty
among flowered gardens
and wheat withered

it blossoms
germinating limbs afore
yet always in touch
never lost in fall

muddy waters, cleansed
wanderlust and all
it all makes sense
but towering with trust

all else fades away
dwindling into focus
only truth
only what is natural

seeded as it sees
just glittering amongst
the horizon and its seam
it settles quiet...calm

old affirmation
fleeting and unimportant
twinkling for centuries
like it never mattered

walls built and broken
charred bones
snapped, gliding apart
revealing deeper meaning

its marrow sapphire
precious in sustenance
feeding arbitrary emotion
with endless hopefulness
and elation