I loved you then, I love you now
for that has never changed
years and years have passed by
but I still get those stomach pangs

I think of you every single day
and surely wish I wouldn't
but my soul belongs to you still
even though it shouldn't

No need to reply of my poem
for I don't want to know
my heart couldn't take it
no matter where the feelings go

You will always be my beloved
I'm sorry but its true
even though I love another
my one true love is you

He gave to me every color
plain and mixed
from deep black to bright white
more than I ever wished
my best friend, my beloved
all that I ever coveted
he in the mountains, me by the sea
forever apart
our destiny
yet tears streaming down my cheeks
across my smiling lips
a peculiar wind blows my hair
he's here with me, I know he is

Nothing is precious
so you can get high
all is stolen
at what price?
middlemen
eightballs
up your nose
duty calls
yelling and cursing
everyone's the enemy
can't hear
can't see
glass pipes
silver ones too
****** up your arm
sit and stew
no focus
tweekin out
talk too much
talk too loud
watchin for cops
at every hour
yet you think its you
with all the power
your addicting highs
your painful lows

Wherever there is darkness
there is light
for this is the law
polarity of life
for love there is hate
for joy there is sorrow
for all the yesterdays
there is tomorrow
for a smile there is a frown
for a laugh, a cry
for hot there is cold
for black there is white
for rudeness there is kindness
for compassion there is scorn
for virtue there is dishonest
for eve there is morn
for forgiveness there is revenge
for wealth there is poor
for wet there is dry
for peace there is war
The wisdom of this law
and the sanity of the soul
is to bring into balance
this eternal life flow

Moonlight dreams
of sunny days
there in the darkness
a star gaze
reaching out
to brighten your soul
to lift the despair
ease the cold
always as endless
as the universe
before the storm
I loved you first

The universe is screaming at me
into my ears, brain, and heart
the whiteness
the brightness
tears in my eyes
it has attacked me like the plague
that has no cure
bringing me higher and higher
into the enlightenment
that is my reward
You are part of the glory
the karma, the foreverness of my
soul
beside me, behind me,
in fron of me,
within me,
are me
crying and laughing
like a madwoman some would say
but
I know, you know, and the universe knows
that I have heard the screams
and know what they mean
as we turn to light
and embrace
what was meant to be
in the name of
eternity

A crystal sphere swings
a tinkerbell rings
theres a faerie in the meadow
and a darkness in the shadow
Can you see the sparkle
of all the angel dust
or do you see the gloom
of not a soul to trust?
Can you see the glow over there
that shines its magic light
or can you see nothing
past the darkness of the night?
Come and take my hand, my friend
lets walk upon that billow
open  your eyes to all the good
and leave your evil pillow
Let me show you a world
where the sun shines and flowers grow
come on, my friend, say hello

The vastness of the sky
the brightness of the stars
if you gaze long enough
you forget where you are
The smell of the rain
the coolness of the breeze
the castle on the cloud
I'm lost in my fantasies
The rainbow that holds hope
the moon with it's smile
the beauty of the forest
graces animals with style
The streams that flow so freely
the oceans deep and wide
the magic of a wizard
on a horse the knight does ride
Never give up on dreams
I nor you
because they can
they can come true

A bird gently singing his song
echos through the trees
that beautiful magical tune
carried softly by the breeze
Oh that calm gentle sound
brings some peace to my life
which is sometimes filled
with pain, sorrow, and strife
The joy to sit and listen
if only for awhile
brings a fullness to my heart
and to my lips a smile
My soul becomes one with the breeze
that utters its magical sound
as I go from here to there
on its tail I easily found
To be one with that tune
takes me places I only dream
but I was meant to share the magic
so it seems

Timeless caresses
etched in my soul
beatific panoramas
all of a whole
music notes carved in clouds
angel fountains way up high
soul schools to learn from
between slices of time
No need to really talk
its all done silently
crystal buildings,  halls of light
all is done mystically
planning trips to Earth
to learn lessons slow
purpose of the universe
for our souls to grow
It may take many trips
to get it just right
to finally be what we are
all our knowings, our birthright
so narry a tear
when things are a painful song
its just another step
the road slow and long
we will reach our destiny
where we started from
knowing pur love and joy
our reward when we are done

Feelings rushing like crazy
with nowhere to go
but to my energy
o my manic flow
overowered
overloaded
oh my God
rocking back and forth
heart pumping fastly
thoughts out of control
emotions churning vastly
overpowered
overloaded
oh my God
Feels like a panic attack
hot through my veins
through to my chest
little mini pains
overpowered
overloaded
oh my God
I love you
no I don't
not to be serious
no I won't
not allowed
not safe at all
get out of my life
bounce the ball
overpowered
overloaded
oh my God
Can't handle it right now
my feelings for you
this feels so encompassing
this feels so new
overpowered
overloaded
oh my God
Gotta settle down I do
gotta relax and chill
insides are wild and scattered
better take a pill
but I'm our of pills
oh what to do
gotta go to work soon
good, won't see you
overpowered
overloaded
oh my God
ding **** the witch is dead
running wild through my head
Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

A silent touch in the night
somewhere between closing my eyes and a dream
was your love
overwhelming me with such passion
and a glimpse of heavens light
up above
Even though I could not begin to see you
you knew that I would beautifully feel
you there
to remind me of your eternal essence
and to say that you are indeed waiting
there somewhere
I then had such a fullness in my heart
to know the knowing I have always had
was true
that in all my earthly illusions and
my reality dreams, I have a soul mate
in you
Guide me on the path of glory
whether I am awake or asleep
light my way
bring me back into our infinate joy
lets not wait another life nor
another day

I dream at night, during the day
I hear your voice beautiful as I imagine you say
"oh love my dear atop all thing
your memory does make me sing
And my dreams bring joy, yet theres pain
nay will I ever feel this love again
my heart aches to know the truth
that never will my arms hold you
But my memory held to my heart
will soon tear the pain apart
and in time, my love, serenity will replace
all the ache I now know, a smile in it's place

Have you ever been so in love
that your heart breaks every day
your emotions run completely wild
and you feel sanity slip away?
Your a a complete loss of words
cause your head can't think straight
you've lost your total body balance
and your reflexes come too late
You hate the fact of lost control
you hate that vulnerability
you hate his little finger more
cause your wrapped around it terribly
He keeps you guessing all the time
and you can never get a grip
as he feeds on your heart
rip by rip
He has this wall he's  built up
is it cause he's so scared
to feel all these awful wonderful things
you yourself have to bare?
You sit and go so crazy
your heart is wound so tight
your busting with so much emotion
oh God, will you be alright?

I thank God every day
for bringing him to us
we were so so lonely
and life was so unjust
we had been unhappy
and needed someone to care
and then he came into our lives
our hearts no longer bare
He enriched our lives
with kind and tender ways
and poured out his love
in sun shiny rays
he taught us many things
with heart felt wisdom
and brightened every day
with all he had and then some
Mom was very happy
she'd never been before
and now I have a father
yes, a father once more
He may not be my blood
but he's what a dad should be
and I'll forever love him
because he's everything to me

One simple word
brought 6 years back to me
thought I had released it all
thought I was free
Memories and feelings abound
but must remain silent
too much life passed by
as it probably was meant
I now wonder about old age
and how it'll be
will it be pine and fir
or a red rock sea?
I don't know why I wonder
I'm sre they'll be no change
so put te silent feelings
our of my hearts range
Be happy with all the memories
and that which I've seen
and be thankful in your soul
for all that it did mean

Their connection cannot be denied.  heir shared depth crosses all lines of reality.  An infinate wisdom, an unspoken truth.  An empty space no one could understand but is now understood and shared.  An empty space no more.  Their seperatness and likeness brought them together to share in those things which are normally beyond human comprehension.  They are not bound by the limits that ordinaries have placed upon themselves for they are endless, hungry, searching souls who reach heights unimaginable to the common man.  They soar above the never ending boundries of the universe.  Their passion is great in all things, their life rich with unsurpassed emotion.  They know eachother so deeply that it exceeds all understanding yet they understand without question.  Its as if their souls were lost and somehow came to be in this existence, for they often feel they do not belong in this reality we call our world.  They are one with themselves, they are one within creation...they are one within eachother.

Whence did thou enter my heart
my soul
devour me with thy passion
it doth whelm me
in somewhat of
a musical fashion
a classicals softness
sings in my ears
fused with rock and roll
tis what I hear
how is it that thou dost play
such song
foriegn to my time
hast thou been forward
to another asterism
to another life
whence did thou enter my heart
milleniums ago
or those yet to see
perhaps there twasnt a time
but always were

Its beautiful
its bright
its sunshine
its light
its comfot
its soothing
is pure
its moving
its unknown
its mystical
its heavenly
unconditional
its really huge
none to measure
its to cherish
its to treasure
its white
its pink
its purple
its green
its endless
its true
ist deep
it is you

Out of myself, inside myself
everythings just a dream
I wake up every day
nothing is as it seems
nothing is permanent
nothing is real
I can't see
I can"t feel
Tried to cry the other day
tried to feel whats inside
I sat there, nothing happened
seems my soul has died
Yet at times I feel so much
I feel the weight of the world
every persons sadness
every emotion twirled
I just can't handle it
so I don't feel at all
if I let it out, you see
I would have a fall
into the pit of myself
where I'm not here
this is why I do not cry
this is what I fear

I am inside my world
a world like no other
full of crazy designs,
little dots, and lots of color
a place where its safe...
Your sounds hurt my ears
and all that stuff  you call love
only adds to my fears
I don't like to look at you
I see better off to the side
but you keep after me
because you want me to try
sometimes I DO see you
and its a really weird feeling
I'm not sure what its called
so it hurts, and I look back to the ceiling
The ceiling has all these bumps
and it looks fun to me
but I did remember you
your hand out, reaching
and I know I smile to see you
because I see you in my world there
you come inside and understand
you come and want to share
It's easier that way, you come to me
and because you see what I do
sometimes then
I want to go with you
to your world, yes
I wonder what YOU see
so you gently guide me there
oh but its so scary
You taught me touch doesnt always hurt
you holld my hand and its okay
so then I watch all you do
and I do it too..uh oh, I'm going away...
The colors and patterns, there you see?
have pulled my attention
I've lost momentarily
your dedicated direction
I hear you ask me something
but its all a jumble
I see all the colors moviing
and the designs together tumble
Its so neat you know
I remember you though
so I look sideways at you
and wow! your seeing it too
so we share for awhile
in MY place
you never give up, I am curious
so I follow your face back into your world
just for a minute

Hacking, spitting,
coughing and blowing
morning duress
caused by smoking
but I'll light up many
when I wake up,
after breakfast,
after a nap,
when on the phone,
out on the town,
after ***
walking around
when I'm upset
or nervous too
when I am anxious
or when I'm blue
Ah, hell
its all the time
two packs a day
to lessen my life
cause they say I'll die
younger than most
sometimes I care
sometimes I dont
so I'll light another
inhale deeply
so I'll just die
a little early

Gentle flowing
passionate
airy
enchantment
masterpieces
splashed
canvas
­emotions
symphonies
toned
souls

on paper
poems
empty spaces
filled

Celestial bells ring in my heart
knowing of a time a'fore
a love so profound, joy abound
a longing to return evermore
spirit thoughts reach out to me
through energy lines above
I hear them almost every day
filling my soul with love
So a love I feel for all mankind
my enemies, my neighbors, and God
an overwhelming happiness
even though the earth I trod
holding hands through it all
when in time of need
call upon your Higher Self
and let your love be free
the past, the present, the future
all tied into one
to reach our goal, our destiny
right where we started from

That Borlaugh
whos my funnybone angel
is really a kick in the pants
He makes sure I am put into situations
with opportunities to laugh
some always wondered when I laughed
why I could'nt stop
its cause Borlaugh would continue the joke
and he just would'nt drop
it
until my physical belly hurt
eyes burned
my spiritual s-elf smiled
with pure joy
He calls me "Peeky" on a different note
cause he says I peek into human souls
so I know
not necessarily all of them
but all of me
you see
bringing the Universal Oneness to light my way
but dont forget to  play
mostly though, hes just lots of fun
not oft to be serious
even when I'm curious
and when that is the case
he'll make me laugh again
then go away
and tell me theres a more serious angel
on the way
to answer my questions

I miss your laughter, your smile
your eyes filled with emotion
the click, the chemistry,
the imagination
I miss your voice so soothing
your hands so soft the touch,
the conversation, the wisdom,
oh all of you so much
A quivering in my soul
that can never be matched
a sparkle in my eyes
and a heart that beats so fast
to make me laugh until I cry
or tears of tenderness
and the love, sweet love
a love truly
endless

I see you from a distance
a shadow in the night
then before I know it
your right by my side
You take me in your arms
profess your love so true
oh yes, oh yes, my darling
it's always been you
You tell me the same
that your love has never died
as we embrace eachother
and tears run down our eyes
Then my lids flutter
your nowhere to be seen
as I painfully discover
it was but a dream

Wheres the escape
oh God, the escape
is there any
without death
without lithium
from the doctor?
It's gonna be alright
you hear, you hear
but what about NOW?
what about now
when your head is all
jumbled
crumled
stumbled
trying to make peace
IT WONT SHUT UP!
it say's a million things
but nothing
then goes comatose
to try and bury it's fire
only to spark again
from nowhere
to everywhere
oh, Alice
where's the rabbit?
he's going so fast with the time
you cant catch him
I guess its
"eat me"
"drink me"
to make it all normal again

The morose characteristic of my troubled mind
as I continually try to arrange perfection
has me drowning in a viable light
while still clinging to the darkness
of my ideas
All those tomorows pass by my theater at dusk
while the reel keeps spinning and spinning
as if it has a life of its own
to hound me endlessly
and its retakes drive my A plus heart into
massive convulsions
If I choose to continue at this speeding tempo
while trying hopelessly to downtread
the photoplays
as each drama unfolds before my
weary lids
I will, no doubt
throw myself into the pit
of insanity
How do I get this **** reel
to stop spinning
so I can go
home?

Searching and searching
but what will you find
is the search realistic
or an illusion on mind?
the clouds seem so thick
and where is the sun
it comes out for awhile
and then you run
you hide in the darkness
where you think it's safe
but what of your soul
won't it die in that place?
you wonder why
you search in vain
you wonder why
theres so much pain
you'll never find it
in that place you hide
open your doors
come outside
Its only here
your search will end
the pain will lessen
joy will begin
take that chance
and I gaurantee
it might not be roses
but you will see
your search will be real
and it might take awhile
but no more illusions
or locking the file
the clouds will break
and the sun will shine
your heart will smile
given some time
you'll find yourself
basked in the light
and then you will ask
"why did I hide?"

You are a vision, ah yes
yet the physical is naught all I see
but the quintessence infinately free
I feel it, touch it, know it
for it is also a part of me

Nay, shall I ever forget
I have known and felt it from the start
it will always forever be a part
of the passion, happiness, and joy
that emerge from the ineffable depths of my heart

And now I leave with a message
may the sun always shine bright on you
happiness and harmony I wish for you too
A life full of joy, love, and peace
and all your precious dreams come true

Hey mister truckdriver
what do ya say
where might ya be going
ya headed my way?
well if you are
can I hitch a ride
I won't be a bother
would ya let me inside?
I promise no tricks,
knives, or guns
just some smiles
and lots of fun
No facades, lies,
or any games
cause I'm really tired
of riding the trains
I don't know where I'm going
but know where I have been
so maybe we can discover
a road with no end
One interstate at a time
no destination seen
bu we can take today
and be a two man team

Your essence runs through every vessel
through my every pore
runs through all my secrets
right through my very core
You go through every hope
you go through every dream
you go through every cell
you envelope my whole being
I can feel you beating in my heart
as your soul moves through mine
joining all our energy
in perfect rythym, in perfect time
Lets take our souls entwined
and make a lasting thing
lets live and love together
for all eternity

A heart in many pieces
shattered like colored glass
the pain of vast emptiness
oh when will it pass
all the emotion in ripples
a puddle in the street
my lost love
my lost sweet

Color me a rainbow
red, purple, and blue
and let me see the luminous light
so that I know its you
and take away this pain
that I feel in my head
and give me a new life
away from all the dread
and could you please
tell my family, friends, and neigh
that I love them dearly
but I must go away
oh please come and get me
I cant take it anymore
oh please come and get me
take me through your door...
But I dont see the colors
and I dont see the light
but now I understand
that the time isnt right
so I'll stay awhile longer
until my job is done
and I'll remember what you said
for my next life to come

Lost in a world of
fire, lust, and greed
A world full of
***, drugs, and questionable
family trees
They say this is a country of
freedom'yet
we are jailed in a morally lost
civilization
crime, power, and lust
are the peoples choice
whatever happened to real love,
family, not who owns the Rolls Royce?
Big mansions, adulterated *** and
fame
are nothing to compare
to those who have parents, spouses,
and children
who really care

How can we change it
but to be a better example?

Reflections of the light
of the soul in your eyes
move me

The angels were laughing and singing
and I could hear them
yes I could
tis it any wonder
for I should
yes, I should
and angel
three dimension
time? again?
to follow the direction
of one's invention
Oh! wonder!
why one creates life in hell
to miss the singing
the ringing
of angel bells
to return, yes
the memory
color, sound, and love
above
somewhere
somewhere? anywhere?
there? No, here
here?
no there
everywhere
Yes, I can hear them
the angels
singing
remembering
tis it any wonder?

Tis a question of time
that bringeth my words
simultaneous or vanished
I wonder the worlds
Tis it here or there
now or then
hath it gone away
or doth it play again
I hath sought reality
to ask which one
would it be tomorrow
or that which is done
Must it be one to suppose
a looketh upon lines
choosing thy path
amongst many of a time
Millions of possibles
thou has in thy hands
or tis but a chance
or of thine own plans
and what reality
twould you play
a destiny
or thy own
I ask thee
is it preplanned
the winding road
home?

A shooting star takes my wish
across the heavens straight to you
gleaming a gold and silver hue
there in the midnight
sky
My hear bursts with loves glitter
sparkling with magic and fire
heightening my souls desire
aching my depth
inside
A ribbon made of cloud stuff
wrapped around my hopes and dreams
you are the one who hold the keys
to take them and
untie

She's sitting on the edge of stone
looking across the blue
a white rose in her hand
rememberance of a tune
a song of angels
playing in the air
over and over she turns the rose
his voice is everywhere
Her dress is all wet
tears falling down
she does'nt really care
another drop to the ground
Empty porcelin
with a pretty face
a soul entwined
to his heavenly space
she laughs a whisper
and drops the rose
looks up to the heaven
a stairway flows
she sees her image
lost out there
then she takes
to the clouded stairs
she embraces herself
her soul with tears
and now a smile
love in the mirror
down she goes
back to the stone
angels singing
no more alone

The sun is hot
on my back
slight breeze through my hair
birds singing
leaves swishing
beauty everywhere
Thoughts of you
enter my heart
as I feel this wonderous day
warm inside
eyes glitter
tears on the way
from the sky's stars
I'll look this eve
to find one shining bright
all around
infinity
there with you
tonight

The monster in the closet
he is there to remind
not to look too closely
for fear of what you'll find
he makes those awful noises
to keep you on your toes
don't look in that closet
it's already what you know
your hot and trembling hands
pull up the covers tight
to shield you from the wrath
your sure he'll fire tonight
But you decide you've had it
and resolve to be bold
your going to **** that thing
that turns your red blood cold
Slowly you open the door
to discern all thats there
only ancient memories
and a lonely teddy bear

Drinking from the fountain
of
eachothers souls
enhancing
warming
loving
Overflowing the singular
outpouring
the sunshine
into the Life Force
adding
to it
all.

Goodbye my beloved
my best friend
my cartoon strip
my spicy blend
my confidant'
my story-teller too
my source of bliss
my beautiful you
Goodbye my soulmate
my aggravation
my dewey tears
my joyous elation
my dark devil
my saving knight
my funky mixed salad
my angel in white
Goodbye my jellybean
my every color
my brilliant star
my only stellar
my addictin high
my curvy wurvy road
my far away companion
my emotional garbage load
Goodbye my truck driver
my ever pessimist
my deep sad poet
my christmas list
my squishy hug
my dictionary
my thesarus too
my harry-carry
Goodbye my healing crystal
my happy thought
my **** dreams
my man I have not
my heaven on eath
my hell here too
my disneyland
my passion that grew
Goodbye my mysterious moon
my brick wall
my favorite song
my bounce to the ball
my craziest joke
my sun in winter
my dirtiest thought
my fantasy reader
Goodbye my phone friend
my tug of war
my fleshy goosepimples
my bird that soars
my bright lightening
my roaring thunder
my white rose
my hopes down under
Goodbye my perfect lover
my satin sheet
my carribean vacation
my favorite treat
my majestic mountain
my green thumb
my cycle rider
my last crumb
Goodbye my first spring rain
my catalyst
my curious dreamer
my lemon twist
my catch of the day
my white cloud
my emotional abyss
my cake upside down
Goodbye my only you
my hopeless dream
my love of loves
my everything

I was in the grocery store
just last week
saw your beautiful smile
reach out to me
I watched you pick something up
saw your srong and sturdy hands
remembering them holding me
at the trucking stand
I followed you closely
among the many isles
down memory lane
across the frozen miles
I noted the color of your hair
mmm, easy on my eyes
I wanted to go up and inhale you
but it would cause surprise
once next to the cereal
right by the coffee and tea
your turned your head
looked straight at me
oh your deep soulful eyes
lashes long and full
the shape of your chin
all put me in a lull
I lost all track of you
lost in a wish
came to suddenly
back to my list..
there you were at the checkout ,me behind
as you laughed with the lady
yes,  it was your laugh
your laugh all the way
when you merely spoke, however
it wasn't you at all
even when you turned to me
and said "How ya doin, doll"
This happens almost every day
no matter where I'm at
I'll see you every corner
in every baseball cap...
Even though you are nowhere
it does'nt make me sad
somewhere in my heart
I'm just a little glad
so I give a little smile
and actually are quite thankful
for I saw you twenty times today
was'nt that a handful?

Painted faces
to hide the pain
black umbrellas
to shield the rain
barred emotions
to cover the abyss
high tide walls
to wash the mist
eccentricity
to stop the mundane
quiet repression
to hold the shame
warm cozy blankets
to warm the chill
years of therapy
to assuage the guilt
beautiful poetry
the express the loss
and show the world
high shined gloss...
when will
rainbows come
instead of rain
show my face
without the pain
allow my emotions
to be as they will
to break the walls
that hold me still
to be unique
without the airs
to throw away shame
come out of my lair
not need blankets
to hold me dear
quit the guilt
quit the fear
keep with poetry
with happy endings
show the world
happy things...
ITS TIME

Try as I might to find sense
theres so much confusion
among mankind so blind
to all the illusion
clocks, calendars and deadlines
time to go here, go there
pur your masque on to don
for the reality fair
yes, the reality fair
where everything is fake
not what you see but commodity
never give, always take
a ride for a buck
the crowded merry-go-round
plastic smiles for miles
across the desert town

I see a man standing in line
he thinks he's got it made
a bulging back pocket, a gold locket
and she's going to play his game
her with the hour glass
and a cup thats not real
a town of money and honey
on a neverending feris wheel

yes, its time to go now
go here, go there
put your masque on to don
for the reality fair

Uh oh...have that feeling
clean clean clean
no sleep
bo peep
get busy on the ball
clean he floors, clean the walls
waiting for the pills to effect
make me sleepy and tire
uh oh
the doc is fired
round and round
my motions go
none to sleep
none too slow
tegretol doesn't work
zyprexa is failing
hands are busy
hands are flailing
mind is going 100mph
think of next, I know not
clean the bathub
before it rots
need a new car
not done paying
don't know what
I am saying
don't give way to seeing things
don't get paranoid
take your hormones
your steroids
don't listen if the tv talks
go for a long walk
if I had gas
I'd drive and drive
thanking someone
I am alive
alive and free, yes thats me
It's late at night
ten o'clock
go to moms
a boat dock
want to cry
but what for
I am busy
clean the door
jam to music
bug the neighbors around
they will be yelling
"turn it down"
dancing in the living room
head held high with a broom
gotta go get busy fast
have to do it now
green moons
and purple cows....

Muddy murky waters
drops filled with pain
endless
darkness
so few flowers
bright
to ease the shadows
casted
skull bones red
with hatred
black
with wickedness
for the mere pleasure
of it...
White glory
cries out
so great
the sadness
tears well and flow
does she not know
good and evil?
her minds eye
yea,
her hearts eye
nay
tis a curse
soul so deep
that she
cries
for the world