She stands at the kitchen window, slowly stirring the rich brew. The shade from the Mountain Ash still cloaks half of the tomato plants in cool relief.  The ones in the full sun of day are bigger and are already bearing fruit. What is the message this full exposure/half shaded patch is sending out to her as she gazes and sips her tea?

Remain in the shadows and only live half a life? Exposure yourself to all before you and find your fruit for life spent too soon? Who is to know? Somewhere in there she thinks there must be a happy medium. Some balance between the overly protected and the completely exposed. That is the fine balance she strives to find for herself.

She decides to venture out into the garden and walk the path that lies before her. Around every turn there is a surprise, some beauty to behold. Also along the walk are the nasty pests of life which rot and eat up the beauty that is there to be found. Adjusting the rocks and plantings, she disturbs the nest of the invaders hoping to salvage and rebuild the cuttings; to nurture new growth. Time will tell if she is successful.

She meanders to a new area of the yard still under construction. Development is slow. It takes thought and motivation to make a start; always a bit unsure of how to begin and then how to proceed. Structure takes shape one bit at a time. She has faith that she will be pleased with the end result. There is comfort in knowing that if she does not she can always tear it down and start again. It is not an easy process to begin again but sometimes it is necessary.

All the while, she reminds herself it is the journey along the path and the building as she goes that gives her the most joy; to see her life unfold as she places brick on brick. The garden will be done when it is done. In the meantime, she is enjoying the ever changing design. She sits to take a breath and finish her tea. The sweet refreshment flavours her tongue. She reflects as a gentle smile crosses her lips and she prepares for her day.

To love half way is to do the greatest harm.
To entice another heart to open to you
And then to not open the door to your own all the way
Is the most effective way to hurt the other, even if you do not intend it.

Your intent does not matter.
If it is fear within yourself or mistrust or
Lack of the ability to understand or love back does not matter.
The effect is more harsh than if you had damaged with malice.

It doesn’t matter if you are a government without a fully developed plan or
A parent with no understanding of the lasting consequences of your actions or
A lover unable to open your heart to one who is wanting to love you.
The harm you cause tears at the heart of another, and yes, the wound scars.

All it takes to prevent the cut is to have courage;
Courage to do the right thing;
Courage to discover the right way to do it;
Courage to have the will.

Many people live without courage
And thereby, give only halfway.
A life lived halfway is a wasted opportunity.
To love only halfway is to waste more opportunities than just your own.

Snatched from my life.
He is gone so quickly.
I am not ready. Are you ever ready to lose one so dear?

Now all is black, black and cold and silent.
There I cringe.
Shrunken, at the bottom of a deep, black, cold and silent well.
So deep not a spark of light can reach me.
There is not a glimmer of hope to shine in and give me life again.

There I sit, curled with my arms wrapped about my knees holding them as close as I can.
Squeezing them in tight, the only thing to now fill the void in my arms where he once cradled.
Head deeply bent. There is no reason to raise my eyes.
I know he will not be there.
There is nothing there.
A huge empty black foreverness is all that surrounds me.

Each breath, each moment, each day I am a little smaller.
The pain of a broken heart is unbearable, the blackness ***** the life from me.
I cannot live like this and finally, after a time there is a small spark.
I see the words form in my mind. "I cannot live like this." And I realize I do not want to die.

So I fight. I struggle. I try to move.
I push the cold walls of the well back slightly.
Just the tiniest bit lets a small glimmer of light shine in.
That is all it takes to let me see there is another way.
This desperation and despair is not for me. I cannot die this way. I am not ready to give up my life.
It is not my time. I cannot give up, not yet. My will to live is all that can save me now.

I stretch my hand up and find a crevice in the stone to make a start,
A start of a long journey back to life, one step at a time.
I climb, little by little, up to the light that shines above.
Above this hole in the ground, above this death, above this hell.

The black stone walls now show streaks of gray and white, very little white but some white.
The air warms, is lighter, smells sweeter. It is easier to breathe.
The dampness lessens as I inch my way to the surface.
The farther I crawl upward the bigger the circle of light becomes,
The brighter the sunlight,
The warmer I feel.
At some point, I cannot pinpoint when, I know I will live.
I will struggle but I will live.

Your life is pared down at the end of it all, not as you would want it but as it has to be.

A near 80 years of collection tossed off as shackles even though you saw them as the ties that bind,

Binding your life together, year after year, memory after memory.

All lie in heaps of refuse waiting to be hauled away to a place where the forgotten reside for eternity.

Those left behind pick your bones and assemble your kingdom, all at the same time.

Assessing you with their own judgements.

Unable to defend or bask in the glory, you watch from beyond with the faint hope that you have not passed by this place unnoticed.

The rendering of a life comes to us all without our say.

The richness of what remains is determined as we make our choices along the journey.

One can only hope the choices were then well made.

Tuesday morning, shiny and bright.
I made it through one more night

So I thought I‘d send this message to you
And wish you a sunny day too.

I’m glad you think that I am funny
‘Cause I’m after your smile and not your money.