Poems you want to improve on

Aug 2010

Jane

At the bay window I sit
Watching the show
The sun's rays catch the panes, each color telling it's own.
The green talks of trees, fallen, but living.
I wonder and marvel at new life on its own.
so real in this room it all seems to me..
Until, their last sigh escapes, .. and gives in to the gray..
It's as if the dark clouds had decided their day.

*Any feedback or criticism is great!*

Please leave any opinions or thoughts you have after reading it :)

Aug 2010

Jane

Her Eyes

-So I Played it Cool-

The eyes got me first
long eyelashes playfully placed along those bright blue eyes.
The first time they met mine, I knew I wanted her.
She seemed to stare right at me, in me.
Mystery sparkled behind them and a certain aloofness imatied as well.
How could I learn how to do that?
It was all natural though, she was born with those eyes.
Those eyes that catch you first, then leave you wanting more
The carefree smile that could put you at ease
And that genuine laughter which made anyone smile.

I knew, I had to play it cool.

I already knew I wanted this beauty behind the lemon chill cart.
Then I saw her body.
Like a naughty school girl in her uniform,
Dressed in A ******* polo tank and those oh so small black shorts.
She walked as if she had no idea what we were thinking
Leaving little to the imagination, yet somehow she seemed not to notice..

So, I played it cool.

I let the moment show itself.
“Alix, Dan: you guys at beer cart eight together”
Knots of excitement, pulsing through my stomach.
The feeling when you win big in Vegas.
I wouldn’t blow it though.

So, I played it cool.

“Hey, I’m Danielle, you’re Matt’s girlfriend, right?”
I silently thank Matt for giving me that foot in the door
“Yea, I’m Alix, isn’t it crazy we are both dating cross country runners?”
Find common ground. I found common gold

For me it was love at first sight, or at least the closest I’ve ever been to it.
Other girls have wowed me, sure, but I will never forget my first… My strongest.
I will never forget the first time we matched eyes together and exchanged a few words.
The first time I saw beauty exuding from the inside, not just a look, but a genuine glow.
I don’t remember what was said …
All I remember were those long eyelashes playfully placed around those bright blue eyes..

So, I played it cool,
I hoped for the best

Good things really do come in small packages
Because now I have something more than those eyes
I have what’s behind them
I have a sister

*Any feedback/criticism is great!* I am trying to hone my skills as a poet so anything anyone has to say is helpful :)

Aug 2010

Max Chisholm

Work of He"art"

You do things only when you are done for? Well then it’s easy to see that you’re done for!
No one will do for you ‘cause you don’t do for them why can’t we just do for one another?
Do it for the greater good or at least for the benefit of your sister? for your brother? Your father? ok fine at least for your mother!
See this world runs on the notion of an "I" for an "I" but that doesn’t really benefit you or "eye"
We can try and we do try but at the end of the day we don’t get a chance not even a glance back at our life, our loved ones don’t get to say goodbye before we die
Instead of helping we sit back and fight and watch those that we love break down and cry
Those tears turn red when its blood that we’ve shed and we don’t even notice how much we have bled
Before we can fix it or patch our wounds we’ll be engraving our tombs cause were already dead
So before you try to avenge the past and finally get that revenge at last realize that it won’t last cause the feeling will pass so fast
So be smart and follow your art then life will be a picture perfect work of he"art" all the way from the end back to the start

Jul 2010

Ellen

Just hoping

I have been waiting
And yet, nothing happened
I have been dreaming
But my dreams disappeared
I have been wishing
But wishes were lies
I have been singing
But they killed my song
Now I'm just hoping
They say it dies last

Jul 2010

James K

Dogs at Night

A dog barks at night
An empty plea, from a suburban home
The dog pines for freedom
To go past the white picket fence

As the piercing howl travels
Other dogs are reminded
They erupt in chorus
And the night is filled with longing

They claw at freshly gardened lawns
Spit out chew toys in disgust
How they long for a ****
Breaking flesh against fangs

Jul 2010

James K

My Head

Throughout the day
Can't keep throbbing at bay

Ebbs and flows like water
Water without the laughter

My Brain is braking out
I let slip, a final shout

As it grows more intense
The throbbing won't let me rest

It has broken down the door
Splinters now carpet the floor

The floor which was once pristine
Will now never again be clean

My head was charged by huns
everything destroyed, running with blood

Throbbing breaks down the walls
With metal chains and *****

And now, it is open to all
A new kind of shopping mall

See this, it's all that's left
Of a mind once neatly kept

Take what you want and leave
This is no place to grieve

As if you cared anyway
Really, I'm better off this way

I'll never try again
Not a single thought through my head

Now prop me up on a wooden chair
And simply forget I was ever there

Jul 2010

Erica Chen

I Think You Should Love Me

There’s a crevice in my heart,
along with an exhausted smile,
Hiding in the darkness, and when
no-one sees, it weeps.

Then you come along, silently,
yet it trembles my world.
My heart was breathin’ so lonely,
now I know this emptiness can’t be fulfilled.

And I stop hatin’, right at the very
moment you look into my eyes.
That’s when I realize, you can’t
have a broken heart without believing in Love.

Time Passes by, Beauty Changes,
Love Faded, and People Die –
You’ll always end up being Alone.
I think you should love me.

I need some Serious Poetry Technique to Smooth this Piece.
So Poets, a little help here?

Jul 2010

Erica Chen

To Heaven

You wish not to take my heart
  when you die –
Lying on a hospital bed, you pray
  while holding my hand.
You wouldn’t take my heart, you
  can’t, I’ve lost it long before I
knew I am going to lose you.
   I didn’t say anything.

Death is hard, saying Goodbye is
  harder, but Letting go,
it is the hardest.
  I don’t see how I can.

They said there’s nothing left
  for me to do but pray.
Except I don’t believe in God,
  yet I hope you enter Heaven.
You told me it’s a place of lonely
  peace, and you will love
me again upon my shoulders.
  I didn’t feel anything.

You’re not an angel, but you’re
  the Closest thing to Heaven
I’ve ever touched.
  I wish I believed.

Love without Religion, let's do this.
From now on.

Jul 2010

Erica Chen

Choose to See the Truth in You

Way down in the Water, I
   stand still.
As you want me to,
   as Always.
Hide, and Survive.

Tired, so exhausted I
   am now.
Don’t mess it up, just no,
   would you?
Slip, keep silent.

He ain’t got no good,
  he ain’t got no right,
he ain’t got no chance,
  to pick on my Brother.
Make it easier.

Take a good, nice sip
   of you.
It will never, in a long time,
   be enough.
Slowly, be aware.

You just can’t see it,
   can you?
He just wouldn’t listen,
   would he?
You need no to ruin.

Dream it Beautifully, with
   no sense of dread.
Tend a Rabbit, get a
   Garden full with pretty
softy things and,
   you’re with me.

Have it come true, please,
   in a world like this,
with a guy like you,
   in so many ways, I
somehow speechless.

Help, live it out loud
   please help.
I want this I want this,
   life could be so cruel
Still, with you I am
   safe, as a sleeping
Child in a cave.
   You’ve found me.

Because I got you and,
   you got me.
We got each other.

As Innocence fade away, all
   you have left, son,
is guilt, and there’s no
   turning back.
Unsavable, this time.

The very Scent of her
   takes away the
Smell of the Bunk House.

Shut it, don't ever,
   you can never lay a
sight on her.
   Take it in, for it’s
Not just another hell
   I’ve given you.

Mean to be lost, him,
   alone from the beginning.
Can’t deny so,
   you choose to destroy.
Loudly, **** him.

I think I knowed from
   the very First.
Thought I could stop, but
   it happens anyway.
Run, not again.

Love me, if you’re still
   capable to do it.
As all these time, you
   know what is the
Best for me,
   don’t you?

What’s now, I’ll listen,
   I really will, and
have them Remember
   like I never have.
Leave, let’s not.

As you want to,
   As you want me to,
As you want me to want us to,
   Choose, to see
the Truth in you.

You hear it, can
   you see? Just, close
Your eyes and imagine.
   Bang.

After John Steinbeck's Novel * Of Mice and Men *

Jul 2010

Erica Chen

For Señorita

You walk in,
  laughing like
melting cheese.
  Blossoming the
air, red as a
  sinner’s dying
will. I would want
  to kiss the naughtiness
on your lips.
  I start gigeling,
even though it’s
  bitter inside.
You know I’ll always
  happy your happiness.
Just so we can
  smile together.

A Three - Day Crash

Jul 2010

Erica Chen

Genau Hier

You said -
When you don’t see me,
you were thinking about me,
but I don’t seem to care,
when you are away.
I only think of you when I am
looking into your eyes.
And asked,
where the hell are you?

Noticed when -
A piece of sunrise from the other
side of the earth, shining upon your
mid-night window.
Light up your depressing eyes,
your pale face, broken smile.
And my dear,
if you ever found yourself
wearing a smile out from nowhere –
it would be me,
missing you from the distance,
and smiling.

I said -
What you are not seeing
is what’s happening now,
genau hier.

To Al

Jul 2010

Max Chisholm

Payback

I wonder what would happen, if you came through my hood
Sitting back for hours, wondering if you should
Will you keep your eye over your shoulder, at the man behind
Just because he looks, like he’s on the grind, in a bind
Or maybe cause your thoughts, are already intertwined
You judged us from the start, step one till the end
When you came around the corner, now your acting like a friend
Now I’m beginning to wonder, what your willing to spend
So I won’t expose the fact, that your friendship is pretend
What’s more important, your wallet or well being
Looking at your stance, your on the verge of peeing
Scared out of your mind, is it a ghost that your seeing
You think were gonna hurt you, well were not disagreeing
Hand on your phone, calling cops for your freeing
Now step back from your fear, see who really needs to be freed
Stuck in this world of prejudice, originated from greed
When can I move on, from the hatred that I’ve fleed
Treated different and tortured, cause I’m not of your creed
Now I’m gonna make up for my pain, get even with this deed
Let’s see how you handle it, when your soul begins to bleed