I haven't wrote about you in a long time
But you see
You still have my heart
Broken into bits
Residing the palms of your hands
Lays the biggest part of me
I still feel your chain
gripping my neck and pulling me back
you scream love me
you scream obey me
you scream until my ears are ******
I still cry thinking about you
About how you're never thinking about me too
I still shiver
Remincing about your caress
The heat of your breath before you bite my neck
You see i still love you
My biggest regret

x

You will be my ultimate destruction.

Nothing can dismantle me more than
the wicked bitter sentiment of longing,
the decomposition of my being that counts
the second for the day you fix me,

the sweat on my brow in the morning from
dreams of you,
the smokey echoing memories of the past,

the loud promises we made that are still ringing,
the sweet vowels that rolled off your tongue like honey,

the pronunciation of my name:
a warm bath you could blanket yourself completely in
as you simply go under.

Drown in it if you could,
I would hold my breath forever.

4:00AM is the time of night where
the peaceful begin to dream,
the weak find their sleep,
and the dammed lay awake

sinking further into themselves.

It is not their tired mind that
earns them eventual rest,
but the weight of their eyelids.

Missing you is hell on earth.

I want you to destroy me
because I know you'd enjoy it.

Rip me to shreds because that's what
I'll be if it means you loving me back together again.

And again.

And again.

What we've got is so horrible,
so painful, so honest, such a raw,
destructive, quality to what we call
"us" that it would almost be masochistic to go back.

Our brand of senselessness,
so alluring, and irresistibly passionate.

I cannot fathom the blandness of sanity.

x

v

I could **** myself
I could
I could do it
Right now
It would feel good
Really
It would be relief
I will
Im going to
You don't believe me
I see it in your eyes
Do you dare me?
Dare me to take a bath in blood
To hang by the neck
Pull the trigger
I will
I would
Im a coward
Your right
I wont

v

x

because of an accident at the main intersection
because of several hazardous accidents before
my driving is impeccable
yet, I have a long history of fines and penalties

suffer...
with the decisions I made for other people
not for their happiness,
but for the life they wanted me to live
but a fool I am for listening to them

My deadbeat dad only told me one good piece of advice
and that was to never listen to anyone but yourself
too bad he was a ******* that I could never depend on

I destroyed my life... They destroyed it
but I can't blame them... for the time has passed
and I now live with the remains that haunt me daily
not them... but worse
I am to hear backtalk from them everyday
blaming me
everyone
blaming me for their manipulation
blaming me for having listened to them in the first place

mocking me with their actions, mocking me with their continual bad advice

BUT DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME TO STOP WALLOWING IN MY REGRET.
DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME TO STOP LIVING IN THE PAST
DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME TO STOP REGRETTING TODAY

because you don't know what my today is like because of your advice yesterday
you don't know... all of you... don't know.

a dream from my past
awoke to a missed call from my past
I guess I'm not alone in regretting today.

listen here, I'll make you a deal
the day I stop living in regret
is the day you stop living in denial.