My mask is falling off

I'm starting to remember the old me

and how wounded

I actually am

because I hid behind closed doors

closed even from me

and now

they are opening

and I'm scared

of the monster

I might see

Facts: the people who made me happy are no longer here. And they would no longer be interested in making me happy.

Memories are just that. Memories. They will not happen again. They just stay with you, like shards of glass embedded in your brain.

Crying will not make things better. It will not make you feel cleaner. It will only make your eyes hurt and remind you that he is no longer here to wipe your tears. And even if he were here, he wouldn't.

I came to a revalation yesterday

I need help

All night I was up

my friend was sleeping over

but I was restless

thinking about knifes

and how great it would be if everyone else woke up and I didn't


I need help

I'm sitting here

Can't focus

Can't think

My hands are shaking

And yet everyone is looking at me to be strong

No crying

Even though my world is fallen apart

No being scared

Nervous

Or being weak

I have to be strong

Stress is eating me alive

Yet I have to act as if it's all good

Head killing me

But it doesn't deserve pain killers

Hunger

But I can't eat

And everyone wants me

To be strong enough for everyone else

And right now

Im about to start shaking

Screaming

Crying

Weeping

But I can't

Because I have to be strong

And everyone wants to know why I'm not smiling