In every rejection
In every missed call
In every promise not kept
In every lonely night he's had spent by himself
replaying events in head over and over and over

there is opportunity

Light does exist, despite its scarce amounts

He coughs
then spits out a combination of blood,
dirt and naive optimism
while closing his eyes
and fantasizes of how things "once were"

How? he wonders

How can something as delicate as a heart
remain intact  
if it's being continuously attacked by it's environment?
How can one soul maintain
its divinity in the midst
of so much lies and anguish?

He buries his face in his weathered hands one last time
wipes away any residual frustration from his eyes
and continues onward

I am stardust

Only with you for an instant
A brief flash and I'm gone

Leaving here
Will I?
Of course
And so will you

What you are in control of down here
Not much
Except of course.....
How will you be remembered

So why wait?

Get busy living or get busy dieing

I much prefer the sounds of piano concertos to that of nature
Rain, waterfalls, things like that
The whizzing and gyrating motion of notes
pushing silence out of the way is more my style

It always has been

My meticulous way of dealing with the world

It my way of pretending to have control

This ride, as real as it may seem, is exquisitely exhausting

So exhausting

Sunday evening
Around 5ish
The sun readies itself to set
a well earned rest after a long week

Very righteously earned

Right about the same time, the solitude that is now so
familiar to me begins to slowly tip-toe in my direction

It approaches me like a lion stalks a
wounded gazelle

slow at first

then it lunges and grasps onto my jugular

It bites down
HARD

It suffocates the life
the breath
the hard earned oxygen straight out of me

That distinct smell of my sanity sizzling
Sadly I know it all to well

What I wouldn't give to
have a hand to hold as I watch the sunset this evening
The sacrifices I wouldn't make to have a pair
of eyes to greet my own as I awoke every morning
If only my journey here were not such a solitary
one filled with dismay, solitude & misery

Only darkness is there for me
together we welcome the road ahead

Day after day
Month after month
Year after year

It's been a year now

Last year around this same time
I was celebrating my birthday with my now ex-partner

She was extraordinarily gifted

She baked me a cake
and made me a dreamcatcher

Both from scratch

It's been a year now
A year of being alone, grumpy and miserable
A year of dinners by myself at random taquerias
A year of making multiple promises to myself that "I'm gonna be ok"
A year of looking up at the stars when
I get home at night and sighing
A year of looking in the mirror knowing
that I'm not getting any younger
A year of watching other couples hold hands
and remembering what that felt like

I don't know how much more of this I can take

.....She came for me, at the last possible moment

Seconds before I was to be swallowed into the dark place which
none have returned from...

She held her hand out to me, smiling as she pulled me out...

Her timing, impeccable.
My gratitude, immeasurable.

I dust myself off, gently grasp her hand, and together we continue onward towards the light

What ever it is you want in life
Be clear about what it is, then go get it

Go

Go now

Everyday you wait, ponder, stall, postpone
Is a gargantuan insult to those who were not fortunate to receive
the gift of today, like you did

You still have time

Go

If you truly want it bad enough,

you will find a way

If you don't,

then you'll make an excuse

I've survived heartbreak
in all of its many, many forms

I've survived being stranded out in the middle of nowhere
with no way of getting back to civilization whilst visiting a distant country
I've survived seeing the true colors of my so called "close friends"
when I needed them the most
I've survived growing up in an alcoholic family
I've survived religion
I've survived low points in my life
where suicide looked to be the only answer
I've survived countless pregnancy scares,
venereal disease scares,
and psychotic girlfriends
of all shapes & sizes

AND HERE I AM
STILL STANDING
STILL SWINGING

My tombstone will read as follows...
CAME: SCARED SHITLESS
LEFT: GIGGLING UNCONTROLLABLY

Good day sir/madam...

We haven't been properly introduced

My name really isn't that important
What is important is my mission
My reason for being here
with you and everyone else on this beautifully blessed planet

That mission
is to be a ♩♪♫♬ world-class musician ♩♪♫♬

Nothing else matters
as far as I'm concerned

not money nor personal possessions...
not women
not meaningless accolades...
or very much else, for that matter

It's all I  think about
night & day
day & night

I'm not leaving here
until I become
that bona fide, certified, world-class musician that I am destined to be

It may take my entire ******* life
and to tell you the truth
there's no better way I'd rather spend my time here

It's been a pleasure making your acquaintance...