It's been so long;
dust is gathering
on my eyes and
my embrace is
tired of having
nothing to hold.
Lips, mine are
dry and withered
like roses in harsh
summertimes and
that rotting smell
lingers on my kiss;
it's been so long.

I resolve myself to the hazy visions
That my mind won’t let me recollect
The idea that I have suffered through
This violation, my mind wants to reject

The expanse of darkness is deep
As my emotions of pain are wide
I fear my conscious would resign
If this heinous act I did not hide

I push it to the forgotten depths
Where the evil in me, now sleeps
I am determined to chain it there
Cleaving to the defiant beast it keeps

I wish to purge this pestilence in me
That secretly grows strong in my mind
I am forever probing for the stillness
Of emotional health I cannot find

Like a thief this monster steals me
Drags me lifeless into the night
Leaves me comatose with fear
I am powerless and without flight

I can only retreat into the blackness
Escaping the fate of my despair
I am drowning in my own anxiety
My reality is now far beyond repair

The disfigurement of my past hidden
By the mask of a smile left engraved
My road to hell filled with good intent
With my blood & tears it’s been paved

My waking hours are filled with space
Denying me the comfort of disregard
And into the night as the sun creeps
My soul is now and forever scarred

When the lights go out and darkness falls
My anxiety begins to rise
When the demon creeps into your flesh and crawls
Into my souls demise

When the makeup fades what bruises can not hide
I fall into a trap
When the urge to release the pain you hold inside
There was salvation in that strap

When I hear the baby cry out in pain for appease
The door is always closed
You hold a sickness that is never pleased
My weakness is exposed

When the whispers of your secrets pass me by
My fears forever remain
When the tears I am forced to cry
Keep unheard screams in vain

When the waking pain is far less than my dreams
Where you reign in terror
When the truth is never what it seems
For the father of lies you are the bearer

When the smell of cheap cigars can’t mask
The smell of scotch and water
I keep the secrets of a man who would ask
To bare the sins visited on his daughter

I saw grandpa with hate for the world within his hands
I saw him use those weapons as vice for sick commands
I saw him numb our world with what substance expands
But I never saw him show love that being a man demands

I saw my grandma leave her babies to hands distained
I saw her drink, lie, use men and leave her children drained
I saw her check out of life till nothing of her heart or soul remained
I never saw what love a grandmother’s heart should’ve contained

I watched my mother cry out in the night screaming in a sweat
From all the things her father did that she won’t soon forget
I watched her choose a man who did the same to us in her regret
I never saw her in so much pain as when she found I paid her debt

I watched my mother struggle with nothing for us to provide
I watched her wear the makeup and smiles bruises rarely hide
I watched her sleep with a needle in her arm devoid of pride
I never saw her live where peace and forgiveness could reside

I watched my mother drown her pain with any remedy but no relief
I watched her die inside out filled with bottomless aching grief
I watched her take our lives in one night, they came like a thief
But I never saw her face past regret with so much disbelief

I watched my dad sell his soul along with his needles and dope
I watched him drown in alcohol as a way to forget and cope
I watched him beat my mother an inch from life’s grand scope
I never saw in his eyes a glimpse of regret, love or hope

I watched him come into our room and steal our happiness nightly
I watched him lose his mental grasp that he once held so tightly
I watched him suffer in his own pain that he deserved so rightly
But I never saw any remorse as the the tears fell so lightly

I watched my aunts and uncles abuse, treated as their mother
I watched them transfer hatred easily from themselves to another
I watched them abuse their own children beyond all recover
But I never saw them be real family and try to heal one another

I watched my cousins repeat a cycle of the abuse and drugs they hate
I watched them live their lives as darkness, in lies they perpetuate
I watched them turn into their mothers and fathers, bearing all their weight
But I never saw them fight to change it, left such ill begotten fate

I watched my baby sister cry out while she was ***** and abused
I watched her deteriorate as a child from all of the drugs she used
I watched her lie there desperately broken, battered and bruised
But I never saw her give up on life from the despair that she refused

I watched my brother as a child, to the abuse as he confessed
I watched him try and explain in words the pain which he possessed
I watched him fight with all he had and any touch he did detest
I never saw him in so much turmoil as the night which he digressed

I watched my brother quietly sink into the deepest self depression
I watched him hurt anyone within his grasp, pent up past aggression
I watched him **** himself with a deep sadness and a guns possession
But I never saw him hurt again after that single shells transgression

I was forced to walk this life unaided and scared
I was given a golden ticket out unforeseen
I never saw my family like they really were
I remained somewhere in between
From home to home I drifted misplaced
On my own since before I turned thirteen
I used to think that I was cursed to be alone
To live this life always broken and unseen
Torn away from all that I had known
I never saw just what all of this would mean
Now I know how a perceived past was reversed
My life was being reshaped and heart wiped clean
To not have grown to repeat the family cycle
Of everything I lived and what my eyes had seen

In the bitter cold night,
I lie awake and alone,
Stumbling through the words,
What to say,
Losing my balance as I come to terms,
With this harsh reality,
With these events,
So blunt and painful,

You throw me into a spiraling emptiness,
A cruel and hollow cycle,
It's purpose only to destroy any hope,
Within it's withering grasp,

Through my open window,
The icy breeze bites at my fragile skin,
A reminder of the slapping sensation,
The heartless infliction of pain,
Of your abandonment of the dim shadow,
Of my mere memory,
As you threw my trust back,
In my tear-stained, fallen face,
And walked into the black, beckoning sky

Your grasp,
Like that of Death's own,
So unforgiving and harsh,
Around my fragile wrists,
You pierce my veins,
With your hateful tone,
Spilling my blood,
It drips, drips, drips,
Around us onto the floor,
Where you leave me,
Laughing in echos,
You're not sorry,
You go against sorrow with every move,
With every broken bone,
With every torn heart and shed tear,
You use me as your excuse,
To create this torturous pain,
That you abandon me with

Your touch draws scarlet lines,
On my china white skin,
And complements this blood,
With painted purple-blue bruises,
Hurt, I run from you,
I hide, desolate and afraid,
We both know I could never conjure,
The strength to stay away,
Hence, I crawl - unwillingly - back to your arms,
I lock myself in your dark cages once more,
I'm crying,
But my tears won't ease this pain

Although the actual authenticity of this poem's authorship is questionable, Jack The Ripper was credited with sending various taunts in verse to the police during his killing spree. The following poem is especially creative and chilling...very akin to the style and sound of The Ripper's literary exchange with the authorities.
______

(Transcription)

Eight little ******, with no hope of heaven,
Gladstone may save one, then there'll be seven.
Seven little ****** beggin for a shilling,
One stays in Henage Court, then there's a killing.
Six little ******, glad to be alive,
One sidles up to Jack, then there are five.
Four and ***** rhyme aright,
So do three and me,
I'll set the town alight
Ere there are two.
Two little ******, shivering with fright,
Seek a cosy doorway in the middle of the night.
Jack's knife flashes, then there's but one,
And the last one's the ripest for Jack's idea of fun.

__

The letters of Jack The Ripper set to poetic formation. EPILOGUE. "for Jack's idea of fun."

__


With appreciation to Casebook: Jack The Ripper, the largest public repository of Ripper-related information.
http://www.casebook.org/ripperletters/

Give me another needle,
make sure it's good and sharp,
stick it deep into my arm,
in this very chilly room so dark.
Take the tape and puff of cotton,
cover up the ****** hole,
leave me then feeling forgotten,
beneath these blankets shivering cold.

Like lava shooting from the spout,
rolling down the mountainside,
engulfing me in raging tongues of flame,
nothing spared, no, nothing saved,
taking me away,
     taking me away-
just a little bit each and every day,
with molten high-tech tests.
and murky I.V. drips,
no more tears of real pain left,
just flames flames flames
along with medicated ether trips.

Hum-D, Some-D,
sat alone on a wall,
Hum-D, Some-D,
had a very
hard fall,
and all the King's forces,
and all the Queen's friends
just couldn't paste, tape, glue, *****,
nail, seal, spackle, buckle,
bandage, bandaid, bubble-gum
or even sew,
D back together again
at all.