Sitting on a bus wondering where I'm headed, not location wise, but where with this fellow I came all this way for. Slowly doubting if this could really be it. If it was just another instance of me not wanting to be alone.

Then the crowd parted ways like Moses parted the sea and there he was.

All for me.

I miss the way he feels.
Under me.
On me.
Beside me.

Under me watching my every move.
Guiding my waist.
Lips being smushed as I warn him
To monitor his moans
Although I enjoy hearing him whisper
Yes, yes, yes

On me pressing his weight so I can't move
His face so serious until I pull him so close I can't see him anymore
Thrusting his body so that each stroke feels like someone is bulldozing my body
Wondering how no one can hear us because our bodies are screaming so loud and breaths becoming so rhythmic
it's almost disrespectful

Beside me letting me fall asleep on his chest while he plays video games as he waits to wake me back up
Kissing me all the while so I have the sweetest dreams
forehead, kiss
hair, kiss
hand, kiss
cheek, kiss
Then I'm up

I miss the way he feels under on beside
Me.
I just want you near.

It was the way he kissed every part of me, felt every part of me almost every minute. The moments he didn't think I was paying attention, but he was never slipping. Kissing my hair as I slept as if we'd known each other for years. Holding me as if it'd break more than hearts to let go. Snoring on my chest, suddenly waking up to my face and never returning to his slumber without a kiss.

It was the way I woke up to his kisses and him stroking my hair.

The male ego is sexist and stingy.

"You let someone else have what's mine?"
I am mine.

"You were supposed to hold me down!"
I prefer to breathe, rather than hold twice my weight underwater, struggling to breathe because you're holding me both up and down. Wasting time and adding unnecessary weight with baggage.

"I've watched you grow up."
One of us had to. That does not mean you are entitled to my newfound confidence, independence, or intelligence.

The male ego forgets that women have hearts too.

Always disappearing
"Don't go ghost on me "

Sometimes mid-day just to not return until morning acting as if the 15 hours were no big deal and need not be explained
I hate when he does that ****
Sleeping on me
As in not realizing who he's disappearing from

Not knowing in 15 hours I've put on my low cut blouse and my thigh hugging jeans, curled my hair, made my eyes pop with eyeshadow and lips pout with gloss.
Just to show I've still got it
He doesn't know I took shots of brown now I can't stop dancing
And the guy before him won't stop watching
Multiple guys with their "excuse me" as they accidentally grab my *** as they walk past"imma let my hands do the talkin"
Or the one that tried to give me a lap dance...

He doesn't know my girl and I were the finest in the room "all the 5s need to listen when a 10 is talkin"
And we were constantly reminded
That the guy before him tried touching every part of me "I miss feeling on ya"
Even wanted me to leave with him

So I stopped checking my phone
"Don't go ghost on me , imma go thrilla on ya"

I only thought about him once last night
I was too busy dancing
Trying not to sweat
But it was inevitable
The tequila wine Hennessy and Amsterdam just made me forget him
I was too busy not being slept on
It was hard to remember him as I was just stumbling trying to remember where I left my phone last
Just to check it and notice he had once again went ghost
So he'll never know that I let someone grab my *** or my breast...
He's forgotten that I'm a smooth talker
So I smooth talked 3 guys into rubbing my charcoal stained feet
And I giggled and thought **** I hope they wash their hands after
He's so sure I'm somewhere staying put
But I really just wanted to **** someone other than him for the first time in two months
And I tried, but I fell asleep
That's just God telling me not to be spiteful

Once a good girl goes bad, she's gone forever

Just be there

But he always is out trying to save the **** world
Maybe he forgets I need help sometimes too
Superman has these ******* lapses in judgment that make him think sometimes even though we're in separate states I'm perfectly fine not hearing from him. He doesn't seem to understand that's all I have. We got closest through these **** mobile phones always rushing to respond, FaceTime, call, and listen. Now it's like pulling teeth just trying to have a conversation worth having. I've forgotten what his voice sounds like, forgotten his ****** expressions. Constantly on edge because now when I see his name pops up I'm so agitated that he still hasn't noticed the problem. Just give me my superman.

"To ask him now, it ain't fair. So yeah, he lost one."

Sometimes you get so exhausted repeating yourself
Just to hear him say
"I'm sorry"
As if it's everything you want to hear
So you just sigh and ask

Is it even worth it?

"The black woman is the most unloved creature to walk the earth."

Our men do not value us.
They test our willpower, breaking us repeatedly
Claiming our self worth as weakness when the burden of his love becomes too strenuous

We do not know what it is like to be loved because pain neglect and disrespect come at a more rapid pace
The torture is endured in hopes of an evolving love
Some day...

I am ignored
My anger no matter the volume
Is never loud of enough for a man