I wondered today what you’d do

if I simply let myself dangle

my feet off a cliff,

let my feet get pulled by

gravity until I was falling

falling with nothing
beneath.

I was thinking about how’d
that happen and I asked

myself, would you say my name

would you scream

as I fell would you look over

the edge at my mangled

corpse.

Sweetie I promise I’d give you
one last smile,

just one last goodbye as I twisted

and fell.

Can I admit my darkest

secrets to you?

Oh darling can I blow you

kisses in the dark?

Will you let me stay by your side

until I’m done breathing?

Oh sweetheart I must tell you

that I have something

terribly wrong with me.

I simply cannot imagine life

without you holding me.

I can’t stop thinking

of how when I asked

he said yes

for the first time in forever 
he said yes

yes to the acceptance of

having plans to

see each other

yes to meeting my friends

yes to seeing this side

of me.

The unexpected

can be the best

            the unexpected smile
            
the unexpected laughter
            
the unexpected friendship.

The unexpected

isn’t always the happiest

                      the unexpected cry

                      the unexpected lies
                      
the unexpected betrayal.

Tomorrow will be good

but until then

I have to make it
through today and that means

battling my inner

demons

all whispering
      
begging

      pleading
to think of the past

think of the not so

                     happy

                     charming

                     but certainly not

                     loveless past.

Can I whisper in your ear

all my ****** secrets,

can I confess in your mouth

all my sins,

can I cry in your arms

all night long?

I saw a quote today

and for a second

just a second

I thought about you

while reading it.

I can see how you’ll smile

in my head if you

read this but I think

before you do you should know

it was how I know that we’re over because now when I see you I’m more

in love with my

memories of you than you yourself.

I cannot believe

that I could ever be pushed,

I cannot believe

that I could ever be beaten,

I cannot believe

that I could ever be pressured,

I cannot believe
that anything but life can

do this all and

damage me so infinitely.

When we’re together

we’re a breathing poison to the

other, seeping through veins.

I use to think

my scars were beautiful,

I use to think
my ribs were beautiful,

I use to think 
that I had to work to be beautiful.

The scars across me don’t strike me

as beautiful anymore,

my ribs visible don’t strike me

as beautiful anymore.

I look at the reminders now

and I’m struck by the

same repetitive fear of falling

back down that road.

I thought that I had

lost your company but it

turns out that you still

walk my dreams.

I must admit I never

thought we’d separate so
much, always thought

life would stop just for us.

I’ve gotten so far

yet there’s still so much more to

travel past in my way.