Ever Changing Journeys
The beginning of life was not much I can remember
But as a child who could forget Christmas in December
My mother she had no money but always did find
Gifts to give me, she truly was kind
But life was not for her, I remember it well
Being a child of fantasy I had to escape from the hell
I took me to places of fairies and elves
Talking trees and miniature dolls who spoke on the shelves
She married young, a man who hurt her so much
I do not mean verbally, and never a soft touch
She divorced him then we were just two
She married again, history repeated after I do
That lasted not long as her eyes they were open
She fought back harder, after dreams had been broken
But each fight she fought took the twinkle out her eye
She was a victim of life, that is not a lie
We lived on farms, my escape was the cattle
Never in their families was there such a battle
I remember a time we had to hitch hike from another town
A car pulled up to take us, I entered with a frown
I was scared of this life that was presented to me
Everyone was evil and inflicted pain, so it shall be
I grew up seeing things that adults did do
I never wanted to be one, that much was true
I decided to try stop ageing but my only way was out
Took matters in my own hand, when all I heard was “shout, shout, shout”
A strip of some tablets was the answer for me
That is it I had enough, I am leaving life behind you see
I knew how to harm me as I saw it so much
A packet of tablets would keep me out of touch
Back to the fantasy that I loved so much
I lay on my bed, said goodbye to the land
But nothing was happening I did not understand
I tried to get up but found each time did
Ended up in the toilet, and lifting the lid
Later I realised that that which I took
Were not as harmful as they did look
I was sick for days as I tried to get rid of the effect
But also sick of living, so thought what the heck
Ill try live a bit longer with this thing I have called life
Knowing if I were an adult I did not want to be a wife
I tried several times to end this sordid life
Was not brave enough to try use a knife
Looking back now does nothing as I see it was my path
I have grown to embrace life and keep out the wrath
But I have learned many lessons on this journey you see
All of which have moulded this me
I love for the people I have strength in my mind
Never shall I harm me, for I love to be kind
An ever changing journey is what I love about my life
I laugh with such passion, I know how to handle the trouble and strife
But to be honest I cannot see, the unhappy child that used to be me
My inner child she loves, she lives and she is unique
For she can make sunshine when all is but bleak.
© Jackie Taylor (Gautier)