This is the story of a girl who
Picked apart her small-town childhood
Surrounded by mountains and solitude
To settle in a summer-city on a lake
To make her family happy

In the end she tells her mom
That she is feeling anxious
That she wants to quit school
That she wants to stop socializing
That she wants to stop

In the end her mom gives her
Some advice about stress
Some sleeping meds
Some respite from commitments
Some comfort

In the end she feels a bit better, but
Not like normal
Not at the place she needs to be
Not healthy mentally
Not whole

In the end she acts fine
So she can see if anyone even notices
So her mom can stress less
So she can tell if she is strong enough
So she can decide if she is worth it

In the end she knows she'll die someday, but
She made a promise
She knows her psychology
She knows she is supported and loved
She knows she can get better

h.f.m.

This is the story of a girl who
Picked apart her small-town childhood
Surrounded by mountains and solitude
To settle in a summer-city on a lake
To make her family happy

Eventually she comes to the conclusion
That many have come to before her
If you cannot take back your beginning
You could choose your end
But she is too much of a coward

She knows she is easily breakable
She could fall out of a tree
Hit her head and get hospitalized
And step out of normal life
But she is too much of a coward

She understands the temperaments of plants
Medicinal and... otherwise
She could simply eat a few
Kiss reality goodbye
But she is too much of a coward

She does not want her family to worry
To concern the only consistent people in her life
She does not want them to take the same path
She does not want to leave them alone
Because she is too much of a coward

She is too afraid of disappointing them
She terrified that they might disown her
She is paralyzed by the thought of their inevitable ends
She does not want to leave them
But she is too afraid to stay

h.f.m.

This is the story of a girl who
Picked apart her small-town childhood
Surrounded by mountains and solitude
To settle in a summer-city on a lake
To make her family happy

She doesn't feel at home in her own house
She feels like some semi-permanent fixture
In a half-way home
Belonging to someone else
But that's not the issue

She doesn't feel at all present in her body
She feels transient and temporary
In a liminal form
Destined to be dust
But that isn't the real problem

She questions her ability to form attachments
She wonders if she's healthy to be around
In her unmasked form
Emotionally naked and vulnerable
But that isn't the worst thought

She gets caught up in her own head
She gets lost in her own worlds
In elaborate fantasies
Far preferable to reality
But that isn't the biggest concern

She does not want to exist
She does not want to die, but cease being
In this tumultuous plain
Of painful existence
But she does not know how that can be

h.f.m.

This is the story of a girl who
Picked apart her small-town childhood
Surrounded by mountains and solitude
To settle in a summer-city on a lake
To make her family happy

But before I tell that story
You need to know she is numb
And distantly aware
And wants more than anything
To not be a disappointment

Sure, there’s the part where
She drew into herself
With her nose in a book
Searching for happy endings
But that comes later

Yes, eventually she wondered if
She was a good friend and
Started avoiding people
To protect them from herself
But that comes later

There’s the part in the night when
She swore up and down to her mother
That she’d hold it together
Until she was nineteen
But that comes much later

There might even be a part
Where she can’t even breathe
And she closes her eyes
So if she dies her family doesn't have to
But that comes near the end.

h.f.m.

This is the story of a girl who
Picked apart her small-town childhood
Surrounded by mountains and solitude
To settle in a summer-city on a lake
To make her family happy

But before I tell you
You need to know
That she didn't do it
For herself at all

Before I tell you
You need to know
Her roots in those mountains?
They weren't very deep

Before I can tell you this story
You absolutely must know
That she never felt at home in her hometown
Or familiar with her family's friends

She's always been a loner
It's been easy for her to leave
Again and again and again
For her family's sake

And she hasn't gotten attached enough
To the people in this new place
That she wouldn't uproot again
If she was asked to

h.f.m.