i got greedy.

so i started talking to you again.

i'm not entirely sure
if your electronic presence

the glow of your name on my screen

has made me feel
better
or worse.

I dreamt of you again last night.
Your smile took me back in time to the enchanted lands.

Awake in the forest,
With eyes sewn shut.

I'll never forget the freedom you gave me
And forced me to feel.

Swimming through shark-infested waters
I clung to the hope that I could be happy.

But god has his ways.
And in the garden of love I had gotten lost in,
I found monsters.

They ripped me away from you
From our provinces.

Now our memories, once beloved
Are feral, rabid ghosts.

If only I had known you
Before I knew him.
If only I had known your skin
Maybe things wouldn't be this way,
I would not owe to life
Such bitter debt.

We could live together somewhere
In the city - you and I
Singers and painters and names
Not yet written down in the book of life
For such a life would we have to live!

We'd be those silly romantics -
The kind you see in sappy indie films
And the kind that people pluck guitar strings to.
The ones whose faces ache from smiling,
Whose lips and eyes are chapped by love.

Instead our lives are less saturated with love
Then they should be.
Hundreds upon hundreds of miles
Taking our breath away
With each and every word.

Breathlessly sleeping,
And endlessly awake.
I am so tired, I am so tired.

If only I could keep my mouth shut.
Keep my heart shut.
If only I had waited.
If only I had waited for you.

Your memory yet smolders in my heart
And your ashes have been ground into my wounds
I wear them now like tattoos
A bleak, crude reminder
Of what I neglected
And would lose.

I wanted to make music
And I wanted to be a star
I wanted to be so far away from who you are
Dirtied by the masses
And scarred

Bitter taste
Plastic smile
Lead heart

Now I paint my face
To take off my skin
And bare the ***** within.