my best work - Hello Poetry

Dec 2017

CE

"Why don't you write about me?"*

I can put any insignificant thing into words, why on earth would I want to do the same thing with you?
I could give you thousands of metaphors of love but it will end with broken hearts on the sidewalk
and I could give you hundreds of synonyms of happiness but it will turn to fear of being alone soon enough

you should now by now that
my writings are not the place for things that I love.

They'll get mangled and die.

#love #heartbreak #poem #words #boyfriend #happy #relationship #writing #partner #contrived

Dec 2017

CE

art hurts

MY BOYFRIEND HIT ME SO I USED THE BLOOD TO PAINT A PICTURE OF BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS

MY DOG GOT HIT BY A CAR
SO I TURNED HER CRACKED BONES INTO THE MOST WONDERFUL MOSAIC

MY HOUSE BURNED DOWN SO I DUSTED THE ASHES ONTO MY SKIN AND IT MADE MY FACE SPARKLE AND MY EYES POP

BUT ALAS

THE BOY WAS STILL VIOLENT
MY NOSE STILL ******

THE DOG WAS STILL DEAD
MY HEART STILL SHATTERED

THE HOUSE WAS STILL GONE
MY MEMORIES ALL BURNED TO NOTHINGNESS

Dec 2017

CE

well, we just believe!

I believe! I believe!
I will believe as hard as I can until it kills me!
God almighty in heaven above, let me believe!
I will dedicate my life to you,
I am prepared to die for you!

even if I don't really believe,
I will in time!

I can pretend for as long as it takes until my faith is true!

I mean,
there are lies that I can sink into so beautifully,
a falsehood that comes so natural that it may as well be true!

so this,
faith and joy,
should be nothing!

I've told a lot of lies,
I've faked a lot of identifies,
true

but this is is something that I truly want to be,

so I will force faith down my own throat until all that comes out of my mouth anymore are preachings

I will force myself to be the perfect god-fearing boy if it kills me

because gosh,

I just believe

so hard

having a crisis of faith.

#lies #religion #faith #belief #conflict #identity #crisis

Dec 2017

CE

thin skin

His body was the scene of the crime that he was never permitted to leave

The home battlefield of a surrendered side shown no mercy by the aggressor

If he looks down for too long then the memory of ***** hands pressing on his throat and spreading his legs open return

There was nowhere he was safe

Impurity had burrowed under his skin

his insides had paid the price

#trauma #csa

Dec 2017

CE

sleepover all summer

There was ***** and stolen cigarettes
There were long nights in her bed
There was a 10 year old learning about things he shouldn't know
There was secrecy, "our little secret"

She made me feel special
She was older and mature
This stuff was mature;
Even if it hurt
Even if I bled
Even if made me sick

I learned that a child's body is a play thing,
Locked inside a damp, broken toy box until it was to be used again
I learned that a child's mind was of little value without its sweet and soft body

No child ever came out of that house, that locked toybox

A child died in that house,
Mind damaged beyond repair
But thank goodness it's body is still in tact
An empty body,
An empty husk of a child,
It's much easier to use

Without that body this child is worthless

I apologise if this poem comes of as glorification/fetishisation, it's not intended to.
Trigger warning for themes of CSA/*******.

#broken #young #child #trauma #csa

Dec 2017

CE

nosmo king

smoke is one of those smells you can't get out
it clings to walls and bedsheets and burrows deep like a mole into anything it touches
ash on my fingertips as it lingers
lingering
like kind touches that get a little too friendly
lingering
like the bitter aftertaste of sour milk
lingering
like eyes on kitchen knives

lingering
like the sinking feeling that won't go away

#smoke #linger

— The End —