I have so many memories triggered by music.
I see everything flashing before my eyes with every note.
I see album covers in desk drawers in a house I haven't seen in years.
I see that one Saturday we grilled out in the front yard.
It all sounds like a different time.
It sounds so sweet.
When the chorus hits I see a different state.
Texas heat and Friday night drives, just to get away for a while.
I see so many things that are so far away now.
It all sounds so close though.
It sounds like it just happened.
Like two other houses.
Like three years of middle School.
It sounds like home.
And it sounds so good.

I don't feel the way I use to
I feel like someone new
I feel so different now.
Years ago I would never dreamed I'd get here
Out of hell, even if it's only for a little bit.
I may not like myself, but I can learn to.
I can try and be better now
I can make it better now.
I'm stronger than I know.
Braver than I could believe.
I don't feel the way I use to.
Because I feel better now.

I don't feel myself
Without you
Without me
What's wrong with me?
Too poor for therapy
Too proud to ask for help
I'm not myself lately.
If only I knew why
If only you cared

She took so much away from me.
My senior year of high school.
A year and a half of my time.
She took the love I gave and put it in the garbage.
I took it all to heart
I tried to **** myself
but here I am.
You there, reading this poem it will get better
It will look up
The storm will clear
Or if your like me and find comfort in storms
It will continue, or rain again some other day.
You will smile again
You will sleep easy again
Dear reader you will be you again
I just don't know when.
It's awful, the feeling.
Having the things I do is like a grocery list
Depression, check
OCD, check
Now heartbreak, check.
But dear reader I say this
I've improved
I find it hard to cry at her picture anymore
I get angry
I beat my fists on my table but it subsides much sooner than crying did.
Dear reader you will be better.
Write poems
Draw art
Go to that karaoke bar and sing your ******* heart out
Dear reader, it isn't worth your life to be miserable.
I'm moving to Oregon in a few weeks.
The scenery is so beautiful.
More beautiful than she could ever hope to be.
It snows there.
I'll feel at home among the cold because I like it that way.
My heart is broken but my will to fight isn't
It never will be.
The world is cursed and stupid
But we find reasons to keep going.
Dear reader, Dear me, it get's better.
Just keep living.

Dear home,
I'm writing this letter to catch up with you.
How are you? I'm well, for now.
Things were pretty dark, but I'm going somewhere new soon.
Maybe I'll find you there? I use to think you were here but, not so much anymore.
I wish I could see you now. All these memories, all the good times.
I don't know why you left or when really, but I hope you're well.
I've grown up so much, and not just because of the beard.
I've learned about all sorts of things, love, life, friends and family.
I have an idea of who I am, just not where yet.
I hope you're been well, you were always so good to me.
I have to go now, but before I do there's just one thing.
I miss you, so much.
Maybe I'll find you again soon.
With love, Me.