there are *** nights
but i think this one
can best be described
by omfg
i will be glad
to get 10-8
tohome

there is a whiskey there
and a hot bath
and a warm bed
code 23

i don't hear the voices
on the other side of the line yet

as a dispatch operator in training
i only see the calls in queue
mostly waiting for ems squads
to come and check all the vitals

sometimes they radio back
waiting for patient decision

sometimes i hear patient refused
treatment
against medical advice

there are trips to the hospital
and symptoms
and problems

sometimes a bright spot
little girl rescued from the flooded creek
patient has been delivered code 12
no emergency

there is a language
all our own

like we are trying to keep
the rest of the world
out of the conversation

codes and signals
that only we know

one day soon
the voices will be mine

and my voice will be delivered
to the sick and afflicted

maybe my voice will carry
them back to safety

for that next
bit of information
to come across the radio

units cd 12

subject detained

no injuries

sometimes i hold my breath
to try to listen harder

i hold a life in my hands
in my headset
and if i could put myself
in between my units and danger
i would gladly

but sometimes all i can do
is listen

under my blue polo
with the emergency logo
i think there is a hole
in my chest
but i am afraid to look

another deep breath
and another

send the ambulance
to the old lady
who has fallen

what if on further inspection
there really is a hole
in my chest
and i find that i am missing
that big cardiac muscle

i still remember
when he said i was
heartless

yesterday's class involved
serving the suicide caller
if you know me
you may suspect that I have met this issue
a time or two before
some days I looked it in the mirror

there was real struggle
on several faces around the room
everybody reneged on last night's plans
nobody felt like playing games
being social

I wandered off
sat at the lake
watched the water in the reservoir
placid and blue-green
and wandered back to sit
in my room

the pied piper of somewhere
wandered down the hall with a guitar
and we all followed
sang songs for a couple of hours
make a joyful noise
is sometimes the best therapy

and after the pied piper
and all the merry girls disappeared
back down the hall
two very real conversations
snuck up on me
out of the blue

it will take some time
to digest all the information
sometime after midnight
a text came to my phone
with the message
"be still, and know that I am God"

my job may be to rescue the perishing
but there is someone who will rescue me