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 Jul 2013
Mikaila
In the end, what's the harm in a dream that won't come true
If it keeps you warm at night?
The years will pass and you'll think
"maybe tomorrow"
Until suddenly there are no more tomorrows,
And you no longer have the breath or the mind
To realize that your dream never happened after all.

That's what my plan is, anyway.
 Jul 2013
Mikaila
(Watching you hold my hand
In that old photograph
Makes me smile with tears in my eyes
The self same expression
As way back then
When I treasured your fingers
Twined with mine
Knowing that soon my hand would again be
Empty.)
 Jul 2013
Mikaila
I miss you.
I miss my missed chances.
I miss my missed calls when I could have heard your voice.

I miss missing you nearly in the hall
And catching a hint of your perfume.

I miss trying to stop missing you,
I miss failing.

I miss the kind of friendship so close
That the ache of missing more
Turned sweet and low like the music of a summer night.

I'm afraid that I'll be missing you even more than this
These next years,
And the ones after.

I'm scared that one day I'll miss you entirely,
And I'll have missed our golden days
In a dizzy haze
Of trying... not ever to have to miss you.

So I'll say it now instead:
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.

And I guess that's just
How it is.
 Jul 2013
Mikaila
Your words
Are my home.
I live in them
As you live in me-
The little ghost of loving you
That cries out in exquisite joy
And pain
At being close to you
But never close enough.
This song inspired this poem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAdcUcf5EXU
 Jul 2013
Mikaila
I don't think people understand what happens to me after I see you. They think you bring me pain, and sadness, and leave me broken, because sometimes I cry after I've spent time with you. My mother hates you for that, more than anything. She doesn't understand. They don't understand. I don't cry because you make me sad. I cry because you make me happy. Spending any time with you fixes whatever it is in me that is broken and limping, and makes me whole while I'm with you. It's just that when that's over, even temporarily, normal feels a lot... suckier than usual. And that's why little things set me off, in the days after we're together. I cry a little easier, I'm a little unstable. Because I'm coming down from my best. Not down to my worst, just... back to what "most of the time" feels like. I only cry because I wish I could be that happy all the time.
Nobody gets that.
They all think you hurt me. Even when you were trying to, you never hurt me beyond repair. It was the losing of you that did all that, and it still does. When you leave a room, I feel it, in a little tiny echo. The panic and loss and sadness that comes with you being farther from me than you were a moment before. It's shades of that, when you move away from me in any way. But people just don't understand that the only things that can cause that kind of reaction are the best, most worthwhile, most precious things in our lives. So precious that the mere notion of being parted from them brings us a vertigo of terror. If nothing and no one were that important to me, I think my existence wouldn't mean a thing. All it is, when I'm sad in the days after we see each other, is simply this: That I miss you.
Nobody gets that.

— The End —