(first of all
i'd like to inform you of the fact
that my mother didn't die
in an unfortunate way
although everything about her departure
was unfortunate
and before it's time
she didn't die of breast cancer
or in a car accident
or whatever
no,
she's one of the few
rare
breeds
that this earth has been blessed with...
she's one of the mothers
that
leave)

1. if you don't have a mom
you probably have come to the realization
that you are never going to have nice socks
or even clean ones
ever again

2. you probably don't eat a lot
if your mother was
the cooking type
you probably eat mostly
hungryman's
and hot pockets
also
you'll probably die
a premature death
because of it

3. if you don't have a mom
you will be suddenly aware of all the **** you leave
lying around
for like
months
and never touch
until you break your
******* face on it

4. you probably have discovered
that talking to your dad
about boys
usually isn't a good idea
it gives him
the strange urge
to grease up his
shotgun
make sure that's all
in fine working order
sit on porches
waiting
also
give total
crap advice
about all of it

5. if your mother has left you
you've probably realized
that you're looking for a new one
that suddenly
your friend's mom
takes over where she left off
like some sick network
but it's not really sick
sometimes it's kind of nice
you get soup an' ****
and those awkward
bonecrushing
usually choking
mom hugs

6. your dad
has probably tried learning to cook
he's probably almost
killed you
more times
than you can count
on two hands
but every once in a while
he hits gold
on total accident

7. if you're a motherless child
you probably do your own laundry
or wear the same clothes
for four months
until you drag
your sorry ***
to the laundry mat

8. if you're a motherless child
you've probably pondered the fact
that you sorta wanted both your parents at your future wedding
but you'd tell mom to *******
at the drop of a hat

9. if your mom left you
rather unconventionally
(thanks, 1960's. didn't do **** for me)
you probably
pretend a lot:
pretend to be ok with her
pretend to want to tell her about your life
painfully
so she can tell
all the million other single moms
who left their husbands
(sometimes for good reason)
that her kid is smart
although she hates your guts
oh well
it's the thought that counts
(wait...)

10. if your mom has abandoned you
you've probably sobbed a lot
hit a lot of walls
slammed a lot of doors
kicked a lot of ******* bookshelves
pounded floors
stifled screams into pillows
tossed
turned
flailed
plugged your ears
slit your arms
open
bit your fingernails
blamed it on your dad
once or twice
smashed your head onto hard stuff
trying to forget
that feeling
of wholeness
spent a lot of time
thinking
about home
and how it used to be
and then cut some more
if your mom has left you
robbed you
broken you
lied to you
spit on you
smacked you
discredited you
then you're probably
a lot like

me


oh

and the secret is

you don't survive