finally i muster up the courage to tell You how i feel
i proclaim my love for You
You wrap me up in Your embrace
Suddenly, our clothes are gone
we're in my bed
my room is clean
You love me
we kiss
i smile
suddenly we hear a loud beeping
i'm awake now
clothed
alone
You love him

love me.*
(**** intended)

Your voice
Your bangs
the way You don't take misogynist **** from anyone
Your passion for Bukowski
the way You make me feel like i'm not worthless
that signature scent that i can't quite decipher
Your hugs
i love when You pull me against your chest and i can breathe in and for a few moments, there is only You in my entire world
Your devotion to and unapologetic love for One Direction
how opinionated You are
i love your weird, even twisted sense of humor
how i can tell You anything

Boyfriend*
the word hits me like a truck
full of **** i was ready to tell You
and the fuzz that's clogging my lungs and heart and eyes.
i smile
i have to
Your joys are mine
You're happy so i am.
i reach down my throat and shove down the lump
it crushes the delicate butterflies in my stomach
they never stood a chance anyway
of course this was inevitable
look at You. You're amazing.
i am looking at You
with longing and admiration
but hopefully not the terrible grief i feel
what's the point anyway.
why risk it.
i am happy
You are so i am.
i pick up the pieces of my heart
being careful to avoid the mulch
we don't want splinters of course
the swings are wet
but maybe i could launch myself into another reality where i'm good enough if i swing harder, higher, faster, better.
now, i'm alone
just thinking.
so are You but not of me.
but i'm happy
You are so i am.

i sigh and bite my lip
i can't hear Your words anymore
all i can hear is the sound of tears
rushing to my eyes, ready to pour
and an indistinct hum i recognize
as Your voice
usually poetry to me
instead just puts a lump in my throat
and leaves my chest hollow.
i search the ground for my composure
but find only an insincere smile
i'm just hoping that You can't tell
that my heart just shattered like cheap glass on tile.
why'd i have to notice Your smile?