I’m not afraid.
I know I’ll decay,
Time runs out,
And we all fall away.

Each life is a blessing,
I already had 2.
Both my other lives,
Were tragic.
Cursed by life’s ways,
—magic.  
And I hope this one,
Won’t be too.

I keep on fighting,
It’s in my blood.
Coursing my veins—
Is strength,
Tightening strong.
My other lives,
I gave up.

I was only little,
I messed up.
My other life I passed away.
Cancer took my life away.
Now Im here,
Each day I still fight,
No matter what pain,
My life,
Spites.

Death.
Is not something,
Im afraid of.
I’ll just be reborn again,
Sure I’ll be sad,
To leave this life behind.
When my time comes.
But Im not afraid,
Of death,
The way.
Most people are.

Death is natural,
I am still a fighting star.
I won’t give up,
I plan to live as long as possible.
And won’t let life,
Take me up.

My heads in the clouds.
Fears raining down.
Hearts so heavy,
Lost my strength-holding crown.

Heads so full.
so lost in a maze,
I think I'm losing it,
Like how I lost my faith.

So much pain.
So much fear.
My body is failing,
And I can only stand here.

And wait.
My heads in the clouds,
I fly up tall then i smash the ground,
Like a stone falling in.
Free fall,
I'm not okay.
I'm not fine.

But I'll keep pushing,
Even though I still decline.
I gotta stay strong,
I have another visit,
If I communicate then,
I'm stronger my wrongs.
And I can push,
past my limits.

Hope.
Strength.
Love.
faith.
All intertwined,
In our daily lives.
Bravery.
Pain.
Hate.
Shame.
All connected,
For you to find  
So don't,
look at this blind.
Control.
Friendships.
Safety.
All things we look for,
In our world.
So keep fighting,
Each will come.
It might take it’s time,
So well your waiting,
Hang out here!
And chat and write,
It’s also my type of fun! :)

Holding on
Holding tight
On a rollercoaster ride
Of life

Handle bars
Cranking shut
Seatbelt fastened
Taunt
Hands fly up in the air
Ups and downs
Crying— frowns
Laughing and giggles

Begs for freedom
Yet Im holding on SO tight
Hoping for some control
I WILL keep fighting
I AM enough
I AM worthy
I AM loved
I CAN do this
I CAN be anything

On this rollercoaster
There is no limits
Except for your restraint
Whitch is your border
Of dying and life
As long as your on it
Your free to fly

You can build ups and downs
Change frowns to smiles
Do twists at ever corner
Hook them into it
No matter what your going thorough
Keep fighting

And DONT be afraid
To hold on tight
Because
Everyone gets afraid
It’s a part of life
You can take me word
You can follow your path

Choices you make
Will have and impact and last
I wish you luck
On your adventures
Brave soul
If you ever need me

I’m holding on tight too
So DONT be afraid
If you need someone to hang on too

my goals :)
-take breaks when needed
-spill EVERYTHING out on paper
And read it before hitting “send”
-post AT LEAST 1 a day (if I’m not taking a break)
- take care of myself
- write something happy at least 2 times a month

Scratched
Worn
Splintered  
Torn
I hang on
But who knows how long

This piece of driftwood
In the open—raging sea
Pummeling me and this driftwood
Far away from land
In a surging storm
Me at to rip away the weak

I try so much
I cry all day
I beg for mercy
On most of my days
This pain
The nausea
The dizzy spells
All the times I *****
Because I can’t keep things down

Or how about my anxiety
My hallucinations too
It’s not fair
That the medication isn’t doing
what it’s supposed too

I try and try
But I fail and fall
And I collapse
So much
Ive fainted before

If you ask me if
“Im alright”
I’ll say “Im fine”
And move on with my life
Because no matter
What I have to keep fighting
I know that Theve tried
I know there trying
But what there doing isn’t enough
And I’m hurting

So here I am
On a driftwood out to sea
Fighting brutal storm
Pushing me
I don’t know the last time
I was free

But
At least I know
I have energy left
To keep up the mask
And I know that in this space
I can be me
And spill out
My battles

Like this painful
Ride
Whitch I will try
To fight
And let myself be me

Pride month.
Flags of all kind,
Hoping to find someone else,
Who wears there flag proud.
As I only have 2 friends,
Who I know,
That share there story and beliefs,
Proud.
I want to be that person too.
So I’m writing this to talk.
That it’s okay to speak up,
It’s ok to be yourself.
You don’t have to hide,
And be someone else.
Your flag.
Your beliefs.
Are you,
Your own person.
So let yourself shine.
Let yourself,
Love,
Cry,
Laugh,
Get mad,
Get upset,
Because it’s okay,
And I’ll always be here to talk.
I’ll always be by your side,
Just…
Let yourself,
have pride.

Flower
-A short story-
Olivia williams

     A meadow with a girl surrounded by grass and flowers of all types, shapes, sizes, and colors. Out of all of them, there is a very unique and special yellow rose whose petals feel like fur and whose patterns are different and special.
    The patterns consist of many yellow and white polka dots and the special, strange rose is as big as the girl's hand. She picks the flower, curious, happy, and calm, admiring its beauty as her brown hair flows in the soft mild wind. Other kids are playing tag around her, but she feels different, as they are all surrounded by different flowers, and the yellow rose is alone. She takes it home, plants it in her garden, and cares for it. Soon, the flower grows like no other, but it's still alone.
       The girl picks a petal daily, and each petal gives her a new adventure, task, a new experience in her life. The new experience leads to things both good and bad. The flower becomes a guide for her, helping her navigate through everything. For every boulder she pushes, it still seems to bring her down, but with the help and pride of watching her flower grow, she gets through all the ups and downs of life. Soon, she becomes a teenager, but still, the flower is there, leading her through some of the toughest and most crucial points of life.
    One breezy fall evening, bundled in her fall coat, white hat, and white mittens, she ventures through her neighborhood and to school. Soon she realizes, as she grows closer, that even though it is a weekend, the gates are open. She steps from the pavement to the grass and she can almost feel the soft grass through her sneakers.
      After a walk, she notices that all the flowers are picked dry and soon learns that the flowers the other children had gave them irresistible options, and the flowers made them rich and cruel. As days go on, she gets bullied for not being like her other classmates. One foggy night, she returns from school and sits down on her bed, frustrated, upset, and angry with her so-called “friends”. They seem to make fun of her so much. After she eats supper, she goes to water her rose but as soon as she touches it, the petals and her hand glow.        
       The glowing spreads through her body and she feels different and strange. Soon she notices the new power that Rose has given her. It had given her the power of strength, the power to never give up, the power of hope. She no longer feels angry and comes to terms with her situation. She decides that she needs to learn to love herself for who she is and after a while becomes a unique and special flower, just like that unique, special yellow polka dot Rose.

Another year goes by,
Another year awaits.
What will each year be?
Well..I can’t stop thinking—
About all my mistakes.
All the times I lied,
I didn’t eat.
All the times,
I said I did my homework,
But I just procrastinated-
Accepted I’d never be good enough,
Accepted defeat.
I tried to hide myself within a disguise,
But how long will this last?
I guess I’ll have to wait,
As I have no choice.
Year after year,
Will keep going by.

Clinking metal,
Cold against bruised skin.
Hope lost,
No where within.
Strength gone,
They stole from me.
I try to escape,
But my chains,
Forever hold me.
Inch thick,
Cement wall,
Chain attached,
Ive hope for escape,
But mental—
physical pain,
Seems to,
Forever last.
Chains are what’s holding me back.
Regret,
Pain,
Shame.
“Im not worthy”
“I’ll never be perfect”
“I’ll never be loved”
“I’ll never be safe”
“Im scared to grow up”
“I’ve already lost my faith”
And yet I'm here,
I’m alive,
But why do I feel so empty?
The answer is these chains,
That hold me tight.

“I need help”
I call
When I just keep seeming to fall
“I need strength”
I beg
To the world
When I’m sad
“I need a hug”
I beg
When I’m crying
Sometimes in shame
I need help
I need strength
I need love  
I need faith
I need hope
I need courage
I need help
Every day
To make it through the day
I need help with life
When it leads me
The wrong way
Into strife
I need help
When I take a wrong turn
I need help
This path I've been on
It’s been so
Wrong
It’s so long
It gets worse
When I fall
So I’m thankful
I can say
I need help
No matter where I am in life
No matter the path I take
I make mistakes
I fall
I cry
I take things for granted
But Im human
And every once in a while
I need help

Friend- a poem
By: Olivia Williams
———
We can talk all night,
Spill secrets and gossip all day,
Talk about cute boys and girls,
Or those who betray.
We can go shopping in the mall.
Swimming in the pool.
I need new people,
Because I trust very few.
My health is deteriorated,
I know that’s a fact.
I just want someone by my side,
Who knows how to cheer me up,
Pull back my hair,
When I’m sick.
laugh till we both CANT breath.
I just wish for a person,
who’s someone knew.
I wish someone would talk too me,
Better than some others do,
It’s true.
I struggle day and night,
To build trust in the people I have,
To be honest,
I need to start anew!
Will you be my friend?
To infinity and beyond,
Is the word in my family.
We love, and carry, and trust.
to infinity and beyond,
And I need a new person,
Who respects that too,
Be my friend.
And we’ll connect.
I need to be more open,
So let’s be friends.

Yellow
a poem — by Olivia Williams
TW
———————
A trembling yellow rose,
fighting away pain from the past
Those who made fun,
Didn’t think she would last.

so bright,
so bold.
Despite bruises that go unknown,
Its petals are so soft, like silk — frayed and torn,
but itching to unfold.
Painted in yellow,
stories of the world,
yet to be told.
The color serenades a hopeful- eager tune,
of one where life
hasn't gone so wrong.


This quiet melody slowly swells like the tide
among these bruised valleys,
even echos dare not to make a peep
the melodies of laughter
For those who fueled pain
fill the silence,
piercing through– like glass to skin.
The color,
is pale, illuminating light.
that shines into a
sad, dark room.
casting pale sunlit patterns on my walls.

The color brings flowers-
happiness, and love—hour by hour.
Still this ticking clock… never-ever stops
How much can my body take?
before my internal clock shatters like glass,
After being hit by lightning on a rainy day?
Fragile glass shattered in fury, and pain
What happens then? Do I lose not only my time but my color?

Time.
Time by time,
again and again,
I stare out into the vast void,
stars scattered in a hazy night sky —
so full of life,
yet I'm haunted by that day
that I didn't fight.
I feel trapped
In a place I called safe
yet the world
has been so cruel.
It tore that to shreds,
Like paper ripped in half.


A building storm
Hail-force winds, black sky
lightning rumbles and thunder clatters
Tornado raging through
Belongings ripped out
My hope, strength, love, all spread about
That then get worse
It’s running this same course  
The storm ravages around, scouring the area on the prowl
like a tiger looking for a meal —
but I'm left for dead,
for this tiger
to take me away.
And I’m next.


The clouds cover these bruises with their own.
Deep crimson red and pig pink, illuminate the shattered ocean.
Of falling happy memories.
Rain lashing and bursting into the ground-like a hammer bursting into concrete.
thunder's roar stomps and shakes like the roar of an oncoming train.
I reach out—fingers grasping,
clawing at the rain-soaked dirt,
as I fall down the peak of the jagged torn cliff into the bubbling and boiling water.
This has stolen that yellow spark,
that joy, that happiness— fleeing like a criminal escaping away in the fog-filled night sky.
I try and try
to be my best.

Their words still sting like knives,
each digging and plunging into my back
as they further stack stones
’til I'm about to collapse.

This buried treasure.
underneath gravelly, torn mountains.
Bruised and battered, deep blues, purples and greens run together and fade into a dark shadowed nightmare where pain and images dance with cruel intent.
I have sure had my share of pain
I am a canvas of scars
Internal fire,
External gauges.
They didn’t ask if I could be “claimed”
I was forced to fit into their mold.
So I could survive those years,
That pain remained bold.


I'm not even sure my candle will last.
My color, it shines, it flickers on —
sometimes less than the rest,
but it will forever live on
in my heart of gold.


The sky is as blue as the sea.
The wind brushing my,
light brown hair,
against my face.
pale brown eyes scan the sea,
of the graveyard of those,
Who carved scars until I collapsed.
Like signatures etched into my spine.
all adrift among the bubbling sea
like splintered—discarded driftwood
from a dismantled ship.
From which I thought was home
They wail, plead, and call,
but I ignore their cries-
Tangled within sea foam,
And broken lies.
like they once did
when I was sinking
Underneath a horrid storm.

I stand on this ship,
Made from survivors like me.
Looking out into the sea,  
Hoping that one good person survived,
But all of them betrayed and hurt me.

I walk around this ruined ship,  
Wooden frame- weathered and cracked.
Broken glass and bottles cover the claustrophobic halls,
Planks of this wood are warped from time and pain.
Engraved is the blood of guilt and shame.
I hear them call- “PLEASE HELP, WE‘RE SORRY! ”
but they stole my trust the way they’d steal from the mall.
The sails hang in shreds of fabric, torn by storms of fear,
Open crevasses lead below deck,
Filled with rain, blood, glass, and a permanent echo of “what’s next?”
The hull groans and mumbles under the weight of the pain,
Of the shame— for not standing up straighter, than it thought it could handle.
The ship had finally crumpled, under the weight of the “betrayed” they were carrying.

I step off this ghost ship,
And run away from the cries and blood-curdling screams.
I’m not rescuing someone who pleaded and caused me to start drowning.
And I push on, so I can be who I want to be.

I will stand up,
let my rose unfold.
My petals will open
to a day of promise.
I just need time to gather,
to find a day where breathing,
Feels like a flower blooming on a spring day.
That glitter inside me —
the gold, dust, hope, and fire
Come together.
Rising within me
Trying to find power
Bursting through concrete
Like an earthquake does
So strong,
it unlocks the inside of the earth,
like a key.

The cold of pain had passed.
The sun will rise now.
I stand on this ship,
A new one called “hope”
New sails, new wood, new life, my future is still unknown,
on this very bow I stand, tall and strong.
And if I may,
I will let myself be brave,
be loved
be myself,
be unique,
be me.


This ship will lead me home.
The lighthouse beyond this sea.
full of those who remember,
—care about my name,
waiting to welcome home,
not who they thought I was
But the raw-real-new me.

Months slip by
And brush the sandy shore
The rocks have slowly faded
Leaving only a few more.
recovery blooms.
And I start to catch my breath
Knowing that pain will come
But I have to take care of myself
And I know I can.
Each new month shapes my fate.
I have a new rose, golden and yellow,
Fighting for life.
Frayed petals now healing,
From my past fate.
I will fight now like the flower,
Like the color in one.
Always- forever,
I will let myself be that flower- that sun.

I’ll fight the pull of happiness and pain
I’ll push against the days, where the pain is beckoning
I stand strong
I speak up
I will fight the ghosts,
the dreams.
my life.
And who I want to be.
I want to unfold my shadow
Stand in the sun.

I will love myself,
To infinity.
Even if that means,
I fall for a short time.
I am stronger than they all say.
I will always fight, here in healing is where I lay,
It is, and will always be,
a Yellow
kind of Day.