I wasn’t done grieving. I was tired of going through

All the BS. I ran away from my city, from

Back-to-back traumatizing real life ish.

And here you come,

At full speed.

In disguise, ready to lie, starting fights, I was your punching bag. Forgot who I

was, forgot what love is, forgot about bliss. You never missed,

And I kept going back to it. I was such an idiot.

I understood it, you hate me. I was  

Okay with it...

Because when no one answered my call, you did. Because when

I felt alone, you were there. Because when I felt low,

You picked me up. Because when I wanted

Someone to talk to, you heard.

You are my curse.

I really did love you, and at times I miss you!

They say not to hold on to the good  

Memories, it’s dangerous.

Believe it!

We are the perfect match but for all the wrong reasons.

We shared the same interests or maybe we

Mirrored each other too well.

I thought I had to put up

With it forever.

I haven't yet escaped you. Figuratively speaking, feels like you

Can't let go of me either. We both have our reasons.

Your maliciously thinking, I'm still  

Reminiscing the times

You made me

Feel special.

I think optimistically, your finding ways

To appear back, potentially.

I used to feed your  

Ego daily.

My life has been great. I love myself and deserve to be happy!

I’m excited finally, the plans I have for my future.

I’n set! I wish you nothing but the best.

I hope you overcome whatever is  

Holding you back.

I still want you to succeed, that’s just who I am.

Others might say I'm excusing your

Bad actions. Genuinely mean it,

Helps with this thing

Called healing.

It was nice meeting you Syco, bittersweet moment. Our novel ends here.

Goodbye and I hope to never see you again. Find your peace love.

With much love,

XO

Ten years, it has been ten years. All put together into fifteen poems. A summary, this is the life I live. There’s no such thing as a perfect human being. I owe it to myself, for never giving in to the mean voices in my head. Including those who walk side by side with me. I know from right and wrong, at times the wrong feels right. I go looking for trouble I have damaging habits to kick off. My actions aren’t helpful. It's a paradox, my biggest flaw. Change feels uncomfortable and I’m in constant sorrow.  

I don't mean to lie,  

I don't mean to manipulate,  

I don’t mean to refuse help,  

I'm empty inside,  

I hate to be alone,  

I space out n daydream because the real-world *****.  

I don’t mean to physically hurt myself at the slightest inconvenience.  

Self-sabotaging is my greatest enemy.  

Living in the abyss of misery.  

I still think everyone hates me.  

I haven't figured out who I am just yet.  

From the top of my head these are the basics. I love to write, draw, and read. I listen to music because it brings me peace. My favorite color is yellow my lucky number is three. I'm ambitious, I chase my dreams. My mind is different, I consider it creative. I am sweet and kindhearted. I’m hilarious, I like to brighten people's days. I’m not a demon. Underneath all these wounds and the mask I wear, I’m just like you.