I got the call from a dear dear friend,
He got the call from his daughter Jessi,
He said "I think they found him you gotta come down to 14th st"
"He has no ID come identify him"

I had already been searching for him for about a week,
Missing persons with no name to him,
I dropped off the baby at school and took myself to 14th Street,

Cold blue sheet covering him,
They wouldn't allow anyone near his body,
Two dogs I've never seen there before guarded his remains,

The coroner stops me before I got too close,
I said: "I'm his wife, I got the call"
They showed me pictures of his post mortem,
Bruised like an apple tattoos disappear into the blue,

I took a look at three and said "Yea, that's my husband"
Everyone calls him Irish but his name was Craig Allen Whisler a tattoo artist from Toledo, Ohio

"GOODMOURNING"

There's so many things weighing so heavy,
In my chest full of regrets,
Full of sadness and the darkeness,
And things I never said,

Like how much I really loved you,
And how it hurt to walk away,
When you became a danger,
To your wife and your kid,

The survivor's guilt it's so heavy,
Weighing down like an iron anchor,
With a heart full of anger, pain and emptiness,

All the things I never said,
What our baby said to you on your last day,
It rings echoing in my head,
It's like salt rubbed in a wound after your pour lemon onto it,

It just stings and burns,
You can't shake it,
It don't go away,
They say time heals all wounds....
But I haven't witnessed this yet,

It's been 3 yrs. Now,
You say time can heal but how?
*** my soul is oh so weary,
And my heart quickly defeated,

All the things I never said,
Dues I should have paid,
Tell you how much we loved you,
Thank you for the times you made us smile,
Thank you for the time we shared,
And even though we had our problems,
You were always a great father,

But I'm permanently stuck in mourning,
And words that I wish I could have said and never did,
There was so much left say...
But I never got the chance,
And I just wanna say:
GOOD BYE would have been nice

What's left of a 6 ft man?
Of 185 lbs pounds.....

From alpha male to ash and dust,
And now the wind I have to trust..

To guide me to that place above that
everyone speaks of,

What's left of a sturdy man?
A pile of bones ash- dust,
Stuffed inside a cardboard box,

The man I used to hold and love...
Delivered to me in a 1 ft. Box.

I'll keep him near,
right by my side,
Until I too return to dust.

As I step out into the darkness seemingly alone,
There's a bright ray of light that eclipses the dark,
And it don't matter where I walk, or where I wander,
This light always finds me in my darkest hour,
As I look up into the sky, the stars form a staircase,
Leading me to its mystical leader,
That outshines the streetlights, and even the stars.
I've already seen the dark side of the moon,
But, it also whispers to me "Don't fear the dark",
As it covers me in a blanket of stars all shinning with the light of the moon,
"Well hello my friend, my love, don't fret",
"If ever shall you be afraid call out to me",
"And I will walk you home when you need",
"Pave the sidewalks with the light of my aura"
"And smile upon you as you skip home in my glow",
"You can always speak to me whenever your low",
"*** I'm a good listener, when no one will hear you",
So, I gaze into the sky every night as I walk home.
I don't ever fear the dark anymore,
And I call out to him just for companionship,
It doesn't take long before his light shines upon me,
Always ready to walk me home.
Where ever I may wander or roam. LIGHT IN THE SKY"

                R.I.P.
      IRISH WHISLER
(7/16/1971- 7/7/2015)

Some day I'll be able to speak your name without any pain,
One day I'll talk about all the wonderful things you said,
Some day I'll be able to talk about the highlights of our lives together,
But today I avoid mention of your name *** the ache is too much to handle,
One day I'll be able to speak your name without tears rolling down my face,
Some day I'll fully forgive myself & not carry survivors guilt that stained me after your death,
One day I too will close my eyes FOREVER return to the ground I lay on,
Some day I won't blame myself and will be able to speak about you without chocking back tears

Not a day goes by I don't whisper your name,
Speak to the winds,
Search in the sky for he brightest light,
At night the cool crisp air embraces me,
It's when I feel you the most,
No, you never speak,
Or answer my questions...
I take these dimes I find laying about as a token of your presence,
Trade my sorrows for vague signs of life,
But not a day goes by without missing you,
Without feeling like I'm only a partial of my former self

It's eerie..
Every time I see that 14th st sign,
It's hopeless..
Sitting on this Blvd of broken dreams today,
It's hollow..
This place that ****** the soul out of my chest without any warning,
It's dreary..
Seeing the ghost of us every morning at the slab when you're no longer there,
It's frightening..
How your permanent silence left messages on that green electrical box long after your body decayed,
It's carvings..
On a nearby tree that leaves the only sign of our existence that day,
It's heavy..
To know that even if your body died that day my soul still stayed to accompany you in death,
It's pain..
All that I can taste when I drive down that street to this very day

I used to love candles...
Loved the way they glow,
A tiny dancing ballerina rising from the flame,
I used to love candles,
Loved the way they smell,
The comforting scent filling up the air,
Making a house a home,
I hate the sight of candles...
It's now a sign of mourning,
A sign of absence
a sign of eternal sadness,
I hate the smell of candles,
That flickering flame was snuffed,
Yet another reminder there's hollow in your eyes,
I loved the warmth of candles..
Filling my space with its light,
But now I hate blue candles,
Ice blue cold to the touch just like they found you