I'll tell you what it's like,
To be a Mother & play Father,
How I had to explain why daddy didn't call on her birthday,
How he didn't meet her under the tree @school...

Like he did every morning to say:
"What are you going to be when you grow up?"
A MODEL, A SCIENTIST, AN ARTIST
Then he kissed her and parted with: " I love you, I'll see you later"
BECAUSE WE NEVER SAY GOODBYE, GOODBYE IS FOREVER,

So I'll tell you how it feels to be a mother of a child with a deceased Father....

It feels like my life is not my own now,
It feels like I'm only good because I have her,
It taste almost like Failure because this image of the perfect family I never had, that I tried to build... Is now more broken than the one I grew up in,

It feels like SACRIFICE,
Tears & Laughter ALL @THE SAME TIME,
Being a Mother feels like Im starved, sleep deprived, and on my toes at any given times,

But... It's OK..
Because I KNOW SHE NEVER NEEDS or HUNGERS for anything,
I ignore my own needs to meet hers,
I never treat myself because if I do I feel guilty for not treating her,

Every Xmas I pay the bills,
And spend the remainder EVERY PENNY ON HER,
And it's OK... Because I live to see that smile on her face,

Being a mother feels like your a great Wall of salt rock standing firm against the tides,
That relentlessly pound & crash into your aching bones,
Being a mother feels like you draw strength and power that you NEVER had before,

Being a Mother proves an empty shattered sould can harvest love in the darkest of places,
Being a mother morphs you into super woman,
All of a sudden you can fight the world,
If ANYONE attempts to harm my girl,

Being a mother is smiling thru the day, breaking down at night,
Wake up in the morning, wipe them tears til Dry,
Cook, Clean, Work, every night,
Bend over backwards til it's almost natural,

Being a Mother shows the world that even though your ****** up,
YOU COULD MAKE SOMETHING SO PERFECT IN THIS WORLD.

Mommy, why Daddy didn't call?
She didn't know he'll never call again,
Not on this birthday or the next,
He left this Earth for a better place,
I couldn't bare to see her cry,
Not on this day,
This is HER day,
But the awful truth was eating me,
As I contemplated what words to say,
How to explain.. HE'S GONE.
She says:
"Mommy, can we look for Daddy?"
I held my breath,
We rode a train and then she said:
"He's not here.. I can't feel him.."
She knew the truth before it was ever said,
I knew that dreaded day would come,
When I'd have to tell her why,
Why he hasn't met up with her under the tree everyday for school,
Why he didn't call to say happy birthday to her that day,
So I put together a scrapbook,
Of all our memories with Dad,
One night as we swing side by side at the park,
I finally told her why....
I heard her heart cracking in half,
And this is why Daddy didn't call that day.

I knew this day was coming..
WE knew it all along,
We didn't know when or where,
Dreaded that fateful call,
It was a sunny summer July day,
A day that soon turned grey,
On the 7th day of the 7th month your body would start decay,
It's a day I'll NEVER forget,
I day I'll never miss,
But it's not that day that hurt me the most.... It was the day BEFORE,
In the parking lot at Jon's liquor store,
When out her mouth came out these words:
"DADDY, I LOVE YOU, I want things to go back the way they used to be... It hurts me to see you out here this way"

At 6 yrs old her last parting words, they stung to me the most,
A week before they both were born,
I took the biggest pill I ever swallowed,
Soon that sunny summer day faded into grey,
I didn't cry, I didn't scream,
I went silent and NUMB for about a week,
That day I heard my soul shatter like glass,
He took a piece of me with him..
But it was her last parting words that BROKE my heart that day.

The day I gave you life,
Heard your first gasp was the scariest day of my life,
It was wholesome, it was AWESOME,
It was THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE,
The day you took your first steps you bumped your head and didn't even make a sound,
I swooped you up, carried you in my arms & off to the Doctor we went,
But everything was ok,
The day you were ***** trained, you picked up so fast,
And by surprise learned something we have never taught you,
The day your father died,
YOU'RE ALL I HAD & a piece of me also died with dad,
And you were such a big girl... You watched me slowly decay in bed,
I never cried, but I died for days on END,

You told me:
"Mommy, everything is going to be ok, I love you.. YOU ARE THE BEST MOMMY EVER"

And those were the best words I ever heard in my existence,
It's always been just you and me, and now the distance it's killing me again,
But I know I'm working on myself today,
It aches in my soul EVERYDAY...
But babygirl... it's ALL FOR YOU,
And we will be together again someday.

Never forget me
I know just who you are
Never forget me
I carried you 9 months

I'll never forget you
You made me who I am

Never forget me
As the seasons pass
Never forget me
My sacrifices were a must

I'll never forget you
I wear you on my heart

Never forget me
I planned you from the start
Never forget me
I ripped myself apart

I'll never forget you
The most perfect thing I've ever made in my chaotic life

Never forget me
I'm the only one that stayed to raise you
Never forget me
As a baby I've always chased you

I'll never forget you
I've fought so hard to protect you

Forget me not
I loved you when I didn't love myself

Forget me not
Your father left us but I'm still HERE