I awoke in a dream
a castle crumbling
I'm writing a book
The hero dies
I'm left in ruins

I wake up to leave
then fall back asleep
I see a castle complete
and I am the King
I touch walls ornate
It starts to shake

The next night I lie awake
I fight but sleep overtakes
Corpses lie all over the place
I'm at the end of my Reign
but the walls don't cave

The middle of night
Again, I lose the fight
My kingdom prospers
Though I feel trapped
I search for a doorway out
I search for a trap played out

I take pills to stay awake
but soon reality fades
Suddenly, I am royalty
Whispers of disloyalty

I no longer fight
I simply shut my eyes
I am just a man
in my backyard
The castle is there
abandoned and old
I enter alone

I am odd yet aware

of my mind-numbing

existence

and ill-conceived

fidget-thumbing

I see the

uniform stares

from brain abandoned

eyes to fixate

on my posture

and gait.

I don't fit in

with my fit-out

outfit

but I won't sit-in

or sit-out

from the outset

nor resile

who I am

to become

all the while

Under the Marion  

apartment marquee  

apart from

an ordinary dawn  

struck listless  

mellow  

with cold-beating droplets

I felt brazen today

The business-as-usual

triumvirate of me,  

myself, and I

half-cocked and vapid

sincere an old-college-try

towards interpreting  

the internal

stifling-melodrama.

The foreboding  

cycle of thoughts  

I turn over endlessly  

is ******-minded.  

It is perpetual  

perhaps habitual and  

recurring cognizant

maladaption.

-Dissuaded  

I light up from a  

crimson-colored

and nourishing

plethora of filtered  

tobacco and  

gaze the same  

cut-cloth blank stare  

at the ordinary dawn

under the Marion  

apartment marquee

I lie pregnable

-wide open

Hermaphroditic

manning my woes

Head high

yet on my knees

I await beheading

below me

swallowing the swill

of my still

I hear merriment

I have found asylum

The day after



Independence Day



a paroxysm



of sparks 



from a lit 



fuse of



natal celebration



re-echoed pressure 



in my skull



fireworks fulminated



directly over my head



painting an abyssal 



night sky 



neon splattered



inapt colors 



reminding me 



of my countries 



bloodshed.



If pills tasted 



like the



ice cream cake



melting



in the middle



of the road 



maybe it 



wouldn't be.



The man



I've loved



has a warm smile



from the open flame



atop his head



and a magical sundry 



of plié-like movements.



Entrancing perfection



a self-inflicted hypnosis 



unbroken left me desperate 



for personal perfection.



When a Phoenix rebirths



it has been written the 



amassing thickets shed 



a layer of their earth's green.



Though, a Phoenix is deific,



Wildfire befit my epithet.



Emerging life was a grace 



of kindness when my laxness 



engrossed, and 



malfeasant memories



of the neurotypical 



remain to unsettle, but 



a blowsy man regrets not. 



Exemption finds me not 



in the arms of grace 



but true despairing. 



Timelessness is a disservice



to progress, and age sheds



light upon transgression.



This is my only accomplishment