H₂S - Hello Poetry

Sep 2020

efni

carousel

you strapped me in tight
"for my safety"

it's a smooth ride that
brings a smile to my face

until
the metal heats up
and begins to
melt my skin

until
the ride shakes
and begins to
fall apart

until
the seat belts
begin to feel
like chains

it's for my safety
but i can't feel safe
on this ride

i want to get off.

03.05.20

i don't feel safe in my own mind
i want to leave but my loved ones are my seat belt...my chains.

one day, i might find the key
one day, i might leave
if that happens, i am truly sorry
but i really really really want to get off

Sep 2020

efni

but i don't want to

i don't deserve the comfort of sadness,
i don't deserve the pain of emptiness.

i don't deserve the quiet of peace,
i don't deserve the clamour of fear.

i don't deserve the futility of help,
i don't deserve the worth of growth.

i don't deserve the consistency of love,
i don't deserve the finality of death.

i deserve to live -

07.08.20

- like this

vent:
am i being selfish? i can't live like this, well i can, but i don't want to. yet, at the same time, how dare i choose not to live? i don't deserve that choice. i deserve to live like this. it's the only thing i truly deserve.

right?

Sep 2020

efni

be still

when i hit the ground
i'll bounce up
but lately, i wish that
i'd break

because my fate is to
strike the dirt
every time i begin to
see the sky

and i don't know how much longer
i can convince myself that it's worth it

16.08.20

i'm very tired of bouncing
i don't care how, i just want to be still-

— The End —