∞ according to the order of operations,
(your name) belongs in parentheses since it is always the first thing i think about when i wake up
which works out, because it also looks just like the smile on my face the instant you walk in a room :)

∞ through all the ups and downs, all the positives and negatives of this fickle thing called love
|the light in your eyes| is the only absolute i'm sure of

∞ i can't calculate how you became an integral part of my life in such a small number of days
nor can i differentiate between the rising sun and your blinding smile
but every moment you're not here reminds me that i can't f(without you)
and i swear there's no limit to the distance i'd travel, whether it be three months or five thousand miles

∞ i get why they use an exclamation point in factorials now
because nothing makes me happier than counting down and multiplying the reasons I fall 4! you every 3! seconds, giving thanks 2! the stars that i somehow 1! my way into your heart

∞ so often, i have found myself divided by the fear of being loved and the fear of being alone
which is still only a fraction of the anxiety i feel when i think about the possibility of disappointing you,
but you are the better half of me,
and i can only hope to reciprocate the endless joy you've brought into my little world

∞ i've spent a lot of time stumped by the different branches of mathematics,
but you are the root of my confusion
for even though your legs stand firm and your arms are steadier than logs,
i can't figure out how your hand fits so gently in mine like perfect symme-tree

∞ i want to hold you so close they call it a sin
cos i love how your body curves around me
and how you never stop listening when my thoughts go on a tangent
and how you have acute, pardon my language, angle-side-side

∞ there are sum nights when i tally sheep instead of sleeping
because you've proven that 1 + 1 equals too much happiness for a heart to carry
but the only thing that doesn't quite add up is how six months can seem like no time at all
yet being with you makes it feel like infinity

I can't quantify the eternity I've spent in your arms
but my calendar defines it as
four weeks of sleepless nights and waking up without regrets
thirty one days of memorizing the lines of your chest and the rhythm of your racing heartbeat
seven hundred hours of laughing at nothing, simply because my overflowing happiness needs to spill out somewhere
forty five thousand minutes that I couldn't imagine spending with anyone else but you

but time is a funny concept in many ways

because I could spend seven days without leaving your side and the lightest touch of your hand would still make my knees grow weak,
because there is something terrifying about the thought of being apart for more than 24 hours that puts me in a hopeless daze,
because sixty minutes of listening to you talk is enough to convince me that I'll never settle down until we can call the night sky ours,
because a mere sixty seconds in your arms can make even the universe seem minute.

but even though its been more than two and a half million seconds
every morning you are always the first thing on my mind

i am used to watching the world around me fall apart
more than that
i am used to being the earthquake that causes it to collapse
and now i understand why we call them fault-lines
because the only thing i've ever known how to do is take the blame

but you are a time-tested skyscraper that refuses to fall
with your soles on the ground and soul in the clouds
shivering to the rhythm of my destruction
then still pulling me closer

and it somehow defies physics
that the more i am compressed in your arms
the more the strain in my clenched fists melts away

i'm sorry i can't tell you when the poison in my soul will stop leaking
or when i will stop leaving cracks in the sidewalk underneath my toes
all i can say for certain is that the whisper of your touch makes my head spin
and for the first time in my life
i want to hold on to this moment and never let it go

everyday starts at
273.16 Kelvin, 611 Pascals
my body still unsure what it wants to be
-no, scratch that-
still unsure what other people want it to be

1. with my parents
the temperature drops and the pressure rises
while they yellcriticizedemand
and suddenly i am ice
solidfrigidhard
stubborn as hell but ten thousand times colder

2. my best friend is the fire
sparking excitement in dark parts of my soul
and as we heat up together
i become free as air
the earth no longer able to keep me together
or hold me down

3. i am fluid around everyone else
freeform
shapeshifting until all they see is their own reflection staring back at them
intangible
slipping through hands like an eel that will shock anyone who gets close
and quietly destructive
slowly eroding the paperthin walls of their hearts and leaving behind nothing but canyons in my wake

solid liquid gas
common science says that it ends there
but you
you always remind me that there is a fourth state of matter
because when we touch it is like i can feel the electrons of negativity jumping off my skin
and when you kiss me
i could swear we are the plasma that the universe and stars are made of

The most relevant things I've learned in physics:

1. friction exists because no surface is ever
perfectly
smooth
so it is no wonder I always feel the heat of resistance where I walk
unintentionally scratching everyone with my jagged edges
and leaving nothing behind but cuts and bruises

2. hanging objects only find opposition in their path
because strings don't push, they just pull
which explains the tension that follows in my footsteps
taking easy conversations and returning forced silence

3. besides his renowned F=ma equation
newton also wrote a third law
because he understood that objects are stubborn and passive-aggressive
well, I'm sure he would've been proud of me
because I seem to have mastered the art of squeezing my eyes shut and pushing people away whenever they come close

4. gravity is obvious and inescapable
a fact that makes even the sky sob violently in thunderstorms
and that is why I have never dared to fly
choosing instead to drag my feet and shrink as small as possible
so I don't have far to go to kiss the ground

but the one thing that doesn't make sense to me
is why
even though I have been going in circles
I am still not conserving energy.