I didn't expect it
but in that dark basement
of some strangers house
coated in a blanket of dance rhythms
veins running with fire
arteries pumping chemicals
you chose me
we danced until I can't remember

but then I found us outside
walking back to your dorm
my arm around you
protecting you from the cold winter night
I never wanted that walk to end
cars rushed past us,
and could see how happy I was
we got back to dorm commons
our small party the only inhabitants
she got on the floor
flat on her back
so I took our coats
rolled them into a pillow
and place them under her head
with my arm comfortably back around you
my favorite muscle memory
looking at that ceiling
not speaking,
not having to
caught in the magnificence
of stars which
were for our eyes only

she taught me how to love
an angel from up above
who came by chance
to put my demons in a trance
to make me stop and think
to take it all in
like a drink
when I'm lonely it's her name I'm calling
falling
awoken from my dreams
her absence rings like screams
the only person who made me feel like
I could grow to love me
potential shining like a light
she told me what I could be
But I'm too scared to approach
too scared that
maybe I'm a cockroach
feeding on the fat
I can't let you in right now
I'm afraid I would fail
because I don't see how
I could give what love entails
she taught me how to love
but never how to forget

where are you?
it's three a.m.
so probably sleeping
but no sleep for me
the possibilities
playing across my eyelids
like old home videos
where are you tonight
when I really need you?
you don't know it
but I am yours
if you'd take me
I count the days
until you come back home
and in my dreams
you tell me that
you won't ever leave
again

Where are you?
and why isn't
that where
this where
because I have to level with you
I could really use the company
I could really get lost in your eyes
like you get lost in music
like I just plain get lost
when you aren't here
there are no more lullabies
no more dreams
trapped awake
way too wide
if it were anybody else
I'd have lost faith
but I can't lose faith in you
even if I wanted to
I don't always tell you
but I've been betting on you
since day one
and I'm not rich from it
but I wouldn't have it
any other way

where are you?
come put me back together
I had a great fall
and I don't think I've stopped yet
but I'm tired
and I'm hungry
so I am going
to try catch a few
and if I'm lucky
you'll be here
this where
when I wake up
smiling like you never left

don't cry
don't waste those tears
you say you are so ******* ugly
that you wish you
were somebody else
well welcome to the club
but don't waste those tears
on those people
this world
it goes down smooth
like a razor blade
if you need to cry
i will give you my tears
I will take all of your ugly
and show you something
so **** beautiful
I will give you my eyes
so that when you look in the mirror
you can see
what I see
everyday

would you be offended
if I compared you to an alarm clock?
because you make me
wake the hell up
and maybe that ****** me off
a born seeker of silence
but i know
that if you hadn't
there would be so much
that I would miss
and to be honest
when you don't wake me up
a beautiful song
just the wrong place, right time
I miss you

I can not call myself a poet
with any good faith
I respect it too much
the raw words which shred out of me
come from a place
which I don't know
I didn't put them there
and though you don't know it
I'm pretty sure
that you wrote all of my poems
it just so happens
that the pen was clutched in my hand
the keyboard just happened
to be within my reach
but you're more than a muse
transcending language
you are a well
of emotional explanations
my guardian angel
pulling my strings from behind the scenes
if my poems are beautiful
it is only because you are too
if they are ugly, pointless, obscene, *****
it is because that's how you make me feel
you are a cathedral
which I can't besmirch
I hesitate to attach my name to this
what's a name anyway?
you are a poet
and you don't know it
you wrote this

I'm a *******
I guess
but i always thought of me
as a human canvas
your blank slate
do I like the pain?
I've always had a high tolerance
but do I like it?
I guess not
but when it boils down to it
I'm happy
to be your punching bag
the dead air
which you fill with songs
older than time
these scars
are an ode
to your life
a beautiful poem
even the ones
which you can't see
I'm more like a billboard
than a man
but my ad space
will always be reserved
for you

no matter how well
he thinks he knows her
he always can find
some mystery
when he looks into her eyes
they change from brown
to hazel to green
like a mood ring
he loves her crazy
so much so
that he is far from sane
so unpredictable
she kills him again and again
only to revive him
and he loves it
loves the way
she looks back at him
and he isn't sure
if she'll kiss him
or set his bed on fire
say what you will
it's always nice
to have
some mystery

Me and you
are broken
in different places
so that we
fit together
like a jigsaw puzzle

You so frenetic
so open
you are a hurricane
people always remember
when you pass through
venting your insecurities

Me so passive
not a care in the world
always out of touching distance
I am a rock
covered in moss
always numb

we fit together
like a jigsaw puzzle
and together
through our flaws
we make a picture
which is so beautiful

boys and girls
like oil and water
meet in the electric darkness
a ritual as old as time
set to the pounding
of mechanical drums
boys and girls
they don't see it
but they are each other
fatally flawed to perfection
and they see something
a spark off the flint
and they mistake it for love
because they allow each other
to love themselves
boys and girls
hiding from
men and women
try not to grow up
but a broken clock
is right twice a day
and they have run out of hiding places
their limbs burning
with lactic acid
they finally see
the toxic insignia
a skull and crossbones
no warning labels
this will **** you
so they separate
and you'd better believe
that it was ugly as hell
yelling and screaming and violence
all in the name of self-loathing
boys and girls
just looking for somebody
who is looking for them

I saw you waiting at the bus bench
a cigarette gripped between your lips
an act of defiance
you were looking at your cell phone
impatiently
what were you waiting for
I noticed you down the street
your red hair blazing
the color of passion
your face looked hard
strong
prepared
and I wondered where you were going
It's funny but
I almost followed you onto that bus
but I didn't
I just waited by the bus bench
a cigarette in my lips
an act of imitation
as you drove away

It's amazing that
in spite of everything
she can still smile
tricked into thinking
she needs make up to
make her self beautiful
this world has made her
unknowingly bipolar
a cold *****
or a ****
she can take her pick
but she still smiles
somehow in the afternoon sun
down by the James river
she dips her feet in
and her smile
outshines the sun

I knew this girl once
I think I knew her
but who can ever really know?
Nothing ever came of it
always too late
too scared
too scared that you couldn't want me
and who could blame you
I never have
She went away to college
and I was busy
doing my own thing
But I never forgot
the way you would blush
and hide your smile
when I said something nice
And maybe you never forgot
all the times I made you laugh
always something stupid
I remember how nervous you got
in the center of attention
maybe you never wanted it
but you always deserve it

And I know
that you're going places
big cities with dazzling lights
endless tall buildings
never sleeping
but dreaming of you
And I'm heading off
to places of my own
hoping that our trains
are heading towards each other
so that just for
one moment of disaster
my body may fly pas yours
and I would smile
or wink
or nothing at all
perhaps I would just look

The worst part about it
is I would throw it all away
so that I could get back
all of the too lates
the too scareds
and all of the stupid stuff
which I haven't told you
but you wouldn't want that.
To be held so responsible
for the machine gun rhythm
of my heart beat
So I don't
my time machine left empty
I trudge one
doing whatever the hell
It is that I do
while your star
only burns brighter
I live in a breath of hope
hoping to feel your breath
just one more time