i'm sorry that the first breath i bring into this world
is one deep filled with pollution
corruption
fear
& the deep raging of man

i'm sorry that you can't revel in your nakedness
without the piercing of a perverts eye
or the prodding of a Catholics lance
and that you have to grow up, an Amazon
fiercely protecting your innocence
from those wanting to beat against it
until it resembles
the tattered skin
of a well worn drum

i’m sorry that the acceptance of self
is illusionary
in terms of cosmo stars wafer thin and skeletal
and that your identity
will be lost in sizes real women don't exist in
and isn’t in the way
real men are actually perceived

i'm sorry that the meaning of friends
will often turn into the meaning enemies
who start rumors
turning you into a ***** to be shunned
while your virginity is vilely forgotten
in the backseat of a make-believe van
or that falsities will lie in telling you
being a man doesn't extend
beyond the six inches
you hold at night

i can't apologize enough for the things you will find
lacking in others
and the sad absence of esteem
that will slowly ebb away from yourself
like dehydrated flowers in the sun
from ****** of bullies needling,
seeing the popping of pills,
dodgin the shattering of bullets,
or the repetitive
gulluting
purging
gulluting of food
and yes even from love, unprotected

i apologize you will have to learn
that high school will be a social prison
****** privy from your open grasp
and stripping you of your identity
by barring you of expressive freedom
forcing you into cliquish nightmares
to survive for protection

i'm sorry that you may come to know
what parenthood is before i have yet
to figure it out
or that when it is time to venture
into the world alone
that college will be a constant search for self
because what defines you will change
daily based on the opinion of others

i’m sorry you will learn
even as an adult that all men are not honest
and that you will be revered
as an object
to be had and not held
as an object
to be acquired and conquered
then quickly forgotten.

i apologize that your life will not be
the fairytale promised to you
and that the ethics and morals
instilled will be something
you're challenged to swallow
more than the daily bread and wine
you eat and drink

i would hope that you would know
you are more than the game you play
that your brain extends beyond the passing of a ball
and that the easy way to the top is not
by climbing into bed
falling flat on your back

i am sorry that
until you are old or i am dead
i must keep a sharp eye and a constant tight grasp
only to prevent you from running head first
into the world and cracking it
upon every wall  presented to you

forgive me for making me show you
the difference between
right and wrong
**** and love
honesty and duplicity
strength and weakness
sound principalities and ill gotten gains

i am sorry that
that when you get my age
crows feet will fall from the sky
and land on your face
gravity will pull at your skin
till it swings like pendulums
in the late time of your life
and that pink ribbons will
no longer belong
in your hair
but over your *******

forgive me but i must tell you
not to succumb to the *******
of a doctors tool
but to relish in your old age
knowing that it is your reward
and only proof
that you lived long
and loved hard

i’m sorry that out of my brief moment of pleasure
my ****** brings you into a world filled with so much pain

how selfish of me

but to think that maybe
just maybe
you came into this world
knowing my good intentions
and maybe
the first breath i bring into this world
will be one deep filled with purity
candor
valor
& the deep raging for equality

and that maybe
just maybe
my ******
finally did something right
after all

& he left

at 6 in the morning
like a cat burglar
stealing blue shirts, red striped ties
& stuffing my belongings in Calvin's underwear

well they was mine
till he left

smelling sour
from last night
but sweet from my perfume
with his fat ashy black feet
in grey & white socks

i guess it didn't bother him
they was mismatched
when he left

on a grey Sunday morning
i recall
the rain slid down the pane
the same way he did
outta bed
outta the door  
outta my life

quiet & slow
like a baby breathing
as he left

he swished his mouth out
with cheap champagne
closed the door
like a good novel
with reserve
& without sound

he left

she's gotta have it

she's gotta have it
every morning
before she leaves

cause it gets her going\
she likes it

non stop
like running water\
she likes it
hot
as a summers night

so sweat can drain down her sides slowly
like rain down warm glass\

she's gotta have it
bittersweet & strong

cause she loves the way it feels\
creamy & smooth
against her lips
titillating her body
caressing her heart

rousing it to beat rhythmically

it's the only thing on her mind when she wakes
to reach over
&
take it all in


that hot
thick
black
coffee

i'm sorry that the first breath i bring into this world
is one deep filled with pollution
corruption
fear
& the deep raging of man

i'm sorry that you cant revel in your nakedness
without the piercing of a perverts eye
or the prodding of a Catholics lance
and that you have to grow up, a Amazon
fiercely protecting your innocence
from those wanting to beat against it
until it resembles the tattered skin
of a well worn drum
& that the acceptance of self
is illusionary
in terms of cosmo stars ******* thin and skeletal
your identity, lost in sizes real women don't exist in
or in the way real men aren’t really perceived

i'm sorry that the meaning of friends
will often turn into the meaning enemies
who start rumors that will turn you into a *****
to be shunned while your virginity is vilely forgotten
in the backseat of a make-believe van
or that they
will give you falsities telling you being a man
doesn't really extend beyond the six inches
you hold at night

i cant apologize enough for the things you will find
lacking in others
the sad absence of esteem
that will wilt them away
like dehydrated flowers in the sun
killing all those around you
from ****** of needles, popping of pills, shattering
of bullets, gulletting of food
and yes even  from love, unprotected.
i wish there, you did not have to learn
that high school will be
a prison barring you of your freedom
stripping you of your identity
and ****** privy from your open grasp

i'm sorry that you may come to know
what parenthood is before i have yet
to figure it out
or that when it is time to venture
into the world alone
that college will be a constant search for self
because what defines you will change
daily based on the opinion of others

there,
i wish you did not have to learn
all men are not honest
are not faithful
and that you will be revered
as an object to be had and not held
as an object to be acquired and forgotten.

i apologize that your life will not be
the fairytale promised to you
and that the ethics and morals
instilled will be something
your challenged to swallow
more than the
daily bread and wine
you eat and drink

i would hope that you would know
you are more than the game you play
your brain extends beyond the passing of a ball
and that the easy way to the top is not
flat on your back

i am sorry that
until you are old or i am dead
i must keep a sharp eye and a constant tight grasp
only to prevent you from running head first
into the world

forgive me for making me show you
the difference between
right and wrong
**** and love
honesty and duplicity
strength and weakness
sound principalities and ill gotten gains

i am sorry that
that when you get my age
crows feet will fall from the sky
and land on your face
gravity will pull at your skin
till it swings like pendulums
in the late time of your life
and that pink ribbons will
no longer belong
in your hair
but over your *******

forgive me but i must tell you
not to succumb to the *******
of a doctors tool
but to relish in your old age
knowing that it is your reward
and only proof
that you lived long
and loved hard


i’m sorry that out of my brief moment of pleasure
my ****** brings you into a world filled with so much pain

how selfish of me.

but to think that maybe
just maybe
you came into this world
knowing
and maybe
the first breath i bring into this world
will be one deep filled with purity
candor
valor
& the deep raging for equality

and that maybe
just maybe
my ******
finally did something right
after all.

i don't want to look like
aunt rosa's grandmother
who no longer wears
a bra
but a ***** sling
a holster
built strong enough
to keep boulders
from dropping out
the sky

every morning
she would
bend over and
pour herself a D cup
then
lock them tightly
on the third rail
and pray that the
2 convicts
didn't take flight
in the middle of
the day

i try to prevent
gravity from
stealing
the perkiness
my lover loves
every time i take a deep breath
and they point guiltily at him
but
no matter how much
support i've crossed
my heart with
gravity
pulls and stretches
my new bra
till the straps
tether  and my cups
runneth over
spilling onto
on to the reality
of the hard
cold floor

do you remember
when
the world shut me out?

how quick we forget, now

when i was four
and they threw
sand in my eyes
& me out of the box
i cried so hard
i couldn't see
and you still told me
i was too special
for them to see
what they're missing

i'm blind to you, now
when
i was chubby
8th grade
and no one else
loved me
you still told me
how beautiful
i was
and that you
would always
see me that way

how ugly am i to you, now

when i was purple
haired and fifteen
you bailed me out of jail
you still told me
even if i was wrong
you could never leave me
there

you bail on me, now

when i got stood up
you took me to prom
anyway
you still told me
i will always
be there for you
especially when
others won't

you stand me up, now

do you remember
how proud you were
when you still told me
ill always be
your child

somehow
i must be adopted, now

i may be pregnant
i may be gay
i may be high
i may be sick
i may be dying

but,
i am still yours

do you remember
when
the world shut me out?

how quick we forget.

i can see the train
running on her tracks
from here
can you see it?

it’s saying
weave me, weave me, weave me, weave me.

you are right to not believe

for you
the silent cries
that carry into the night
do not existence the volume
of your tv is adjusted
& everything becomes
a mute apparition
illuminated
but not heard.

you are right not to believe

for you
the sounds of gunshots
are the popping of fire crackers
after holiday barbecues
& the screams
come from parades of people
cajoling down side streets.

you are right not to believe

for you
the only hanging you know
exists in laundry whites
bleached towels are a must
for wiping hands
clean
& unstained
from the bloodied bodies
of loved ones.

you are right not to believe

for you
the world doesn't exist
beyond these bordered white picket fences
& bakes sales
until your mexican comes
to clean

suburbia
when will you realize
the war to be fought
runs beyond 5’o clock rush hour
& taking away your son’s ps4?

the brownness of my skin
should not be the basis
for the deafness in your ears
to ignore the shouts
for you to move

take action

the brownness of my skin
should not be the basis
for the blindness in your eyes
to ignore the ignorance
for you to see

take action

the brownness of my skin
should not be the basis
for the blandness of your tongue
to refuse the opportunities
for you to taste

take action
for
the color of the hands
passing the plate
shouldn't matter
when you’re starving
for change.

things that happen in my world
don't exist
not in reality
for instance
the absence of racism
exists
not in some, but all stores
where i have enough credit
to try what i want
to buy what i want
without being patrolled

i've never been to prison

i mean my world
is a place where i can be
myself
and the absence of prejudice
exists
not in some
but in all cultures
where i don't have to ride
the white picket fence by day
and jump into
the black skin of my life at night
just to get by

i'm tired of being two toned

in my world
things are different
and
the absence of comparisons
exist
individuality is recognized
and everything fits
not on some
but on all people
here my size
always remains the same
and my image isn't constantly challenged
by the cutouts of paper doll magazines

i never looked like a model

i really like it in my world
because here
underwear models
really are accessible to me
the plane jane i am
and not some
but all men really like getting
dressed up to take you
somewhere
besides McDonalds for a burger
and a neck-bone in the park
here, in this place
honesty exists
not in some, but in all people
it is inconceivable to lie
a virtue
ingrained at birth

i can't stand backstabbing

you cant say that my world
isn't a pleasant place
here
no one dies
violently
the absence of gunfire
exists and
drive bys of the
boys on the corner slinging slang
overdosed  and full of crazed maddening screams
don't float like an evil spirits
through my window at night
trying to possess me
for garage sale bought tv's
while blue and red sirens
illuminating my moonlit skies

i don't need the extra lights

on the street
where we live
the world that exists
beyond these 4 walls
doesn't dictate me
i am not
plastered
in a mold

my eyes
see beyond the line
of my neighbors back yard
my vision
is not fenced in
by the suburbia
that surrounds me
i can see
where we live now
is a place
where blood is shed
& flows
like armies of rivers
where rocks are shells
of mortar
hidden in the depths of sand
where
my ears hear
beyond my daughters laughter
the cries of a mother
left barren as the drought ridden land
as she stands
holding her last legacy
in her blood soaked hands.

i want to sit in
Buenos Aires
drink coffee
till i am as wired
as the skyline
at midnight

i never sleep anyway

i want to kiss strangers
fake-ly
like they were my friends
i lost somewhere
but recently found

i need new friends

i want to tango
with a white Patagonia
rose
clenched in my teeth
while my clenched *******
rise and fall
to the beat of the waves
in my water bra

i never had lessons anyway

i want Argentina
full of faux marble
dance hall floors,
scuffed shoes, burned beans
and fish markets full of thorny
roses

i need to feel full

through the spaces
between
curling flowers
and a lattice framed
yellowing
fence

i could see them

i could watch them

every
day

the barbeques
slamming of doors
pool parties
birthdays
late nights
x rated

the loudness of it all
left me panting
for more
&
living vicariously
through their lives