I want to be a Teacher.
I want kids to feel the fire
that I do
not to just say
"Yes ma'am."
"Yes ma'am."
"Yes ma'am."
and not question
what they are being taught
I want them
to question
ME.
I want them to learn
not to take everything
at face value
and to
question
question
question
and I want that fire of theirs
to never go out

my skin
was rubbed raw
because someone touched me
on the sidewalk
without my permission

one time I didn't sleep for a week
because something in my room was
out of place and I
couldn't fix it

ive stayed up all night
wondering if all the doors are locked
so I check
once
twice
three times
four times
and so on
untill its time to wake up

the soaps in the shower
are put a certain way
if not
then I feel myself fall
apart

Ill clean for days
and not sleep
or stop
once

so please stop saying
"Oh, im so OCD!"
because you will never understand
what its like to have this crippling
fear
that everything will go wrong
if one thing is different

one time someone said a gruesome thing to me

"i swear to god i will slit you open and drag
you up and down my street by your entrails"

people have told me to

"**** yourself, your not worth the space"
"fat cow"
"worthless"

and I froze up with fear
from the hostility
and I thought
"Where has our humanity gone"

And I relized

We lost it with our sisters and brothers over seas
with the violence
on our TV's
with the routine crime
in our cities and saying
"its just how it is"
our humanity has been bread out
and society has created
shells of once humans

this is just another ******* **** poem
why just another **** poem?
you sit there and think
why talk about this so often
when the economy is collapsing
and children are starving
and there's a possibility of a
world war 3?

but guess what ******,
this poem isn't for you
its for those who's souls have been
tied down and beaten
for those who have lost all hope
for those who have been told that its
"all their fault"
to them, this poem isn't
just another ******* **** poem
it is their savior poem

the one thing that points
out the ****** up things
like double standards
and victim blaming
it may give them the
push that will break the ropes
that hold their souls down

this is the poem that will
restore hope for those who have
given up because society has
given up them and tossed them away
like a used ******.

and I will continue writing other
******* **** poems
until my mother stops telling me
to not forget my mace
until I dont have to pay for 500$
self defense classes, on the off chance that hey,
maybe I wont be ***** tonight.
until im not blamed for being attacked
until my ****** is not pitted for his
football carer being ended prematurely
until I can dress like a **** and get home safely

I will continue writing **** poems
until I have nothing ******* left
to write about