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cole Feb 2014
i wish i could hate you
every bone in my body
repulses your touch and
your hair and your eyes
my mind says no but my
fingers crave to explore
every inch of your skin
and my palms want to
touch yours and my nails
need to dig into you to see
if you’re even real, my eyes
deceive me and say how
lovely you look even when
you’re a bit tipsy and high
but it’s okay because even
then you’re too cool for me
how am i supposed to feel
nothing, when im so addicted
to feeling everything with you

cole 1/24/13
cole Feb 2014
shivers roll over me, like that poem in third grade,
about the noises of the ocean like a dog’s bark

my eyes roll back, like that movie in fifth grade,
about the devil being casted out of that boy

hands gripping, like that documentary in sixth grade,
about the person hanging off a cliff, a foot away from death

body arching, like that class in seventh grade,
about the Roman’s building archs in their empire

sounds being heard, like that music i listened to in eighth grade,
about drugs leading to an escape, alcohol not being poison

if i down a few more, will i be free? like our country says,
in the ancient text written by Mr. Washington? will i be
voided from the pain, like those prescription pills mommy
takes? will there be a new beginning like all those Disney
princesses had? or will i live through all this suffering like
Ghandi? come through a leader? painless and harmless?
or is this all a lie to conceive that thinking equals maturing,
or like blooming, only the beautiful are devine

cole 2/6/14
cole Feb 2014
i can feel my lips mumbling
but no sound is heard running
from in to out to out to in, why
am i not bleeding my sorrows?
why is water not streaming or
skin peeling why is there no
actions to these emotions but
throwing up and having an echo
every time i swallow; tell me why
i feel so sad 23 hours of the week
please tell me how to fix this bug
how to rid of this disease, i
can’t survive much longer with
my lips being sown together

cole 1/31/14
cole Jan 2014
i hate how your eyes

still linger in my mind
and how my clothes
still smell of your hair
and how the pictures
still have you in them
and how i sleep with
this teddy you got me

i hate all these things
so deeply but more so
the feelings of footsteps
are tattered on my heart
and this coldness sweeps
softly through me, at 4 am
when your arms slid through
the gates of everything i knew
to be so safe

cole 1/11/14
cole Jan 2014
i cant cry
because crying
leads to showing
emotions which i don't
particularly have
because when you
left you took them
along with you

cole 1/16/14
cole Jan 2014
sometimes i wish i were a photographer
because i would take pictures of everything
the beauty on the streets, the beauty
in the sky or the beauty in your eyes
when you said how much you loved
all the particles within me, coursing on
through their daily routines and the
tears i shed over fictional deaths and how
lovely i smell even before a bath but
a picture frozen in time will never feel
as real as touching you feels

cole 1/18/14
cole Jan 2014
we sat down under a layer of charcoal black
and listened to seas roar deep sighs of pain
i explained how i don't feel any lungs or a muscle
where my heart belongs and that there are these
shattered peaces of nothingness left within
the depth of where emotion lays and tears
and happiness and joy and fear and soul
i never truly told you this but i tried to and
im trying to right now as my fingers pad away
on this bright screen at 1.30 AM because
memories haunt me in the night like ghosts
haunt me during the day

cole 12/12/13
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