I think of you
every day that passes.
And then I think about how
you don't love me anymore.
I don't know how to cope with this
and I'm just hoping
that if I refuse to truly accept it
after awhile,
it'll happen without me realizing it
and I won't have to feel as much pain
but I can't imagine
it being much worse than this.

You don't love me anymore.

I find myself in my head
saying that I'll stop hoping that
you'll want me back,
next week.
Next month
or maybe
next year.
I keep making excuses for you
and thinking that I should keep waiting.
And so I just keep needing to say to myself that

you don't love me anymore.

I almost have to resist cringing
when he touches me
because I feel like
I'm cheating on you.
And then I remember that

you don't love me anymore.

He is your absolute opposite
which I hate most of the time
but sometimes it helps.
Sometimes I even come close
to convincing myself that
I actually like him.
And then the thoughts of you
flood my mind
and I know that this
is nothing more than myself
being too weak
to be alone.

I love you.

I can pretend that I
am the one you want.
But I know your heart
lies with her.

And I know that I act
so cavalier
and nonchalant.
I feel like
I am about to end
what we never were.

The truth is though,
I care more than you think.
More than just "friendship",
and not all fun and games.

But I see your face
every time I blink.
And all I want to do
is scream your name.

You make me feel
perfect.
You make me feel
like I am the only girl.

But the fact that you say
that nobody better suspect
                                             we're together,
                           makes me want to hurl.