Why did I make it stop
and ruin everything
I almost had...

I don't want you to be sorry
or feel bad for me.
I want you
to need me.

                   My eyes sting
and my throat burns

when you start to acknowledge me again.


                                                                                                                                    *CVT

"I wish I hadn't done it."

The stale, freezing wind dries my lungs
and I feel how hollow my body is
lacking the comfort of your arms.

"The reason I want to act like things are normal,
is because I wish they were."

Your final words nip at my skin
along with the icy breeze
through my cracked window.

"I'm sorry that it had to come to this."

My breaths are shallow and abrupt
this season, and they match how I felt
when we said goodbye
for the final time.

"Live long. Happy."


                                                                                                                                    *CVT

Notice how miserable
you have made me

      and fix it.

I'm starting to forget
how fast my heart beat
when you ran your fingers through my hair
as I held my breath, trying not to cry.
But I know that I was shaking for days
after you left and it was all over.

I keep thinking that you're going to leave her
and everything will go back to the way it was,
but I know that isn't going to happen. Yet
something prevents me from accepting
this crucial detail.

I am terrified that I will never be happy without you.
Happiness begins to fill my body, until I think
about how ******* perfect you are. And once
I tell myself that I can't have that, everything else
is irrelevant. Then nothing will make me truly happy.
Only falsely felt, and for a slight moment
before I think of you.


                                                                                                                                    *CVT

You cross my mind
less
and less
e v e r y
day.

                             And maybe I should be grateful
                             to not be constantly reminded
                             of so much pain
                             and sadness

Yet here I sit
with sorrow in my heart,

not because I miss you.
but
I am sitting here
with tears blurring my vision

because we aren't close enough
for me to miss you
anymore.