during the summer of the worst summer of my life
i found pieces of myself scattered across the kitchen
as i found peace with my mother who put a couple
pieces of lead down her throat

in the moment i found out we replaced our tile with
her blood i added my tears
as i mopped the floor with what remained as a mop stick
with dark hair just like my mother's

my dad moved to New Orleans immediately after
leaving me to attend to the house and what remained of my soul-less sister
who never knew someone quite as weak as our mother

i may have found peace but i don't forgive her for making me wipe up the handle from the frying pan of her blood she made sausage and eggs for us every sunday before  we watched the browns
who made us believed we actually wanted to **** ourselves

she actually wanted to **** herself
and the cleveland ******* gave her an excuse to ****** her family
by murdering herself and leaving everyone left in the agony
of wanting to know what we did wrong

my dad never found peace
instead
he found a 19 year old in New Orleans who made him forget each night
when she poured soco down his throat so he can pour himself into her

my sister never found peace
but
she did find a barbie doll set my mother gave her last summer
on her birthday right before we watched the fireworks

i found peace
because i knew i was set up for failure
i found myself
that summer because i knew i'm stronger than 2 adults who raised me

my dad may have found New Orleans
and his sober-less serenity
but i found myself
mopping our blood red tile into the state of oblivion

marking the distance it took from cleveland
to New Orleans
to bring my dad my sister's barbie doll set so he could tell her
barbie isn't our mom now