Transmitting long distance whispers
Telling you something I couldn't before
Things I felt and still do feel
Hiding from discovery to protect myself
Afraid of being singled out
Fear of being denied
Acting on impulse, but meaning well
Unloading these once hidden truths unto you
To take them or leave them
Believe them true, I would never lie to you
My identity, the only masquerade

Pupils widen, noticing you favor my admiration
You accept my infatuation
Your fondness of my words reveals myself to you
Happy to let you know, glad I let it show
If only we can get face to face
What bliss staring into your eyes would be....

Cody Shull, 2019

You shatter my self-esteem like glass
You drift away from me like wind blown amongst ash
Wallowing in fear and shame
Drowning with a lack of confidence
Never trusting, always doubting
Never smiling, always sulking
Wishing for a good day
Hoping for a better day
Losing my way, pushed astray
Not knowing who I am
Never knowing what I will end up becoming
Looking ahead in the far distance...
Only a bleak future waits for me
Grey sullen days and the blackest nights
All alone, all on my own
Destined loneliness is my calling
Ever since birth I’ve been falling
Fallen and falling still a crooked path
Tumbling down endlessly
No helping or guiding hand can catch me
Nor point me towards salvation
I am merely cursed to exist
From the beginning and until the end...

Cody Shull, 2018

Pleasantly lost
Within those windows to your soul
Never wanting to break this trance
Steadily gazing deep
Blissful mesmerization
Eye to eye hypnotic
An eternal stare of serenity
Forgetting past hardship
Losing myself in this moment
Enraptured by beauty

Cody Shull, 2018

Seeking validation, affection denied
Crawling for sympathy, decency defied
Shunned & left behind as all hope has dried

Caught deep within desperation
Deteriorating since the beginning
Barely able to stand on two feet
All my pride must be dead

To lift my head up high...
Would be suicide
My everlasting despair...
I cannot hide

Forlorn throughout bleak days
Sorrow enraptured
Stuck in a rut of dismay
Invisible as a ghost
Reality has long gone astray

Finding hope is trivial
There's none to be had
Cursed to exist in a hopeless world
With death always a certainty

Helpless as I grow older
Each year that reaches its conclusion...
Like a closing of a chapter
One segment of life closer to the end
One chapter can feel like an eternity
The diseased hands of death turning the page
Eerily & drearily pleased
Grimacing toward my existence

© Cody Shull, 2018

Swimming through fantasy
Stubborn, yet no turning back
Lost within a dream
Fading away from reality
Pointing out self-perceived perfection
Always meaning well

I'm stuck in the fantasy department
No one to help me out of this labyrinth
Caught indefinitely without certainty of escape
Trying to fantasize my way out

Finding my own secret euphoria
Drowning in waves of fantasy
Engulfed in doubt when reality opens my eyes
Emptiness & silence is all there is
But, I flee to where all senses are alight
I close my eyes for a better world

Stuck in the fantasy department
Nobody exists to help me now
No matter how far I run....
I try to fantasize my way out

© Cody Shull, 2018

Lost within your eyes
Your eyes a pleasant labyrinth
I yearn for no escape
Promise me you'll trap me forever in your gaze
Mesmerized beyond belief
Please, do not dare to look away
I'm not wanting to go astray
Been following your path for years
Lacking confidence, but the determination remains
Persistant flirtation, playing games
Several steps away from victory
Trailing behind and soaked in tears
You're the only one I want, my dear
In more ways than one
To hold you close and never let you go
Within an eternal embrace
You're the one I want here

Thinking of you on rainy days
With the sky above so grey
Matching my mood, the way that I feel
I know I'm needing you bad, because this pain is so real
Lost and alone, always on my own
To contemplate life
Swallowed whole in my own strife
My heart numbed to everything
Waited too long for something too good to be true
A hermit, a victim of my own insanity
Spriralling down with doubts to survive
Dying slow, unloved, and left alone

Cody Shull, 2018

I just don't know what to do with myself
She's only what my mind dwells on
Her eyes that drew me in
And her sweet tender voice
Yearning for a moment to be with her
Just her and I
Alone

Caught in awe
As her hair blows with the wind
And her pure, pretty complexion
Looking my way, I'm mesmerized
Wordless and nervous
I just don't know what to say

I know if I continue on this selfish path
I'll be left alone in despair
But, she's consumed me
Never will I be free?
Until I let go of this feeling
That has left me reeling

Her immaculate beauty taunts me
Reminding me she will never be mine
Strictly taboo and unorthodox
I guess in the end I'll be fine

Is it merely infatuation?
Intense, yes...but short-lived, no
Will she be my salvation?
To be redeemed I'll never know

I can't resist her addictive presence
As I leave subtle hints of my admiration
Mentally she sends me to a place of pleasance
If I persist, it will just end in adulteration

One sided from the start
Only in my dreams it's real
Trying to coax a spark
Can't seem to set her aflame
Never would I keep her ablaze

Doubting my confidence
I'm proud when I'm alone
Don't know how to go about it on my own
I'm king of nothing, nowhere, and nothing in-between

My adoration echos to the ground
Falling flat without a sound
Left behind in silence
Guilty of this emotional violence

Stuck in a depressive rut
Sinking deeper and deeper
Shackled, unable to be freed
Strapped in for a joyless ride
Stripped of all decency
****** into the void
Swallowed hole

Cody Shull, 2018