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I didn't mind stepping on
Grass, dirt, differences,
And broken promises
the whole night
If it meant I could see the faces
That have become all too unfamiliar.

It was like looking at the night sky
For the billionth time
Except the stars that you knew had their places,
No longer did.
But the sky was still beautiful

Your voice
Pierced through me the way it always has
But with words that no longer made sense,
Words that forced it's way
Through a crowd of people you called
"Cool".

There was no problem with that, I tell you
But
My heart sank to the soles of my feet
In uncertainty
Because
You never liked that word,
"Cool".
You once told me that we were better off
Different

I grasped your hand for the first time
Since the last awkward silence,
And shook it.
Except you returned it with a grip
That felt like it belonged to someone else.
You smiled a smile that wasn't yours
Your teeth shone a light more strobe than candle

You told stories of laughter
But they were no longer about our adventures of fighting dragons and saving the helpless.
They were about jumping into the lakes
Not to enjoy the water
But to show off that new tan and flaunt that new body

And I could have sworn
Amidst the chaos you presence caused
And the enthusiasm of your story telling,
I heard you introduce yourself to me again.
But it sounded like you were saying:
"this my name but this is no longer my personality"

As my heart sank, my hopes followed
Because I was certainly standing before
A person with a piercing personality
A person with the same hands and the same feet
A person who lit up the whole room
A person who was, undoubtedly, beautiful

But that person was no longer
You
 Oct 2013 Clovina
Nadia DeLevea
Silent tears stream down my face,
As I look across the room.
You're smiling at her,
She's smiling at you.
I've been forgotten so soon.
And I only have one question...
What happened?
When was I dismissed?
We used to be so happy.
We used to live carefree.
Everyday together,
Laughing, smiling, joking,
Our hearts together were at ease.
Was it that easy to forget me?
Her I want to hate,
She's ruined my whole life.
You're all I've ever wanted,
You make my life complete.
I don't know where she came from,
But she swept you off your feet.
To me you've become blind,
She's made you push me to the side.
It hurts more than a sudden death,
Because we were so close.
The slow torture that you're causing me,
You're choking at my throat.
I've cried more because of you,
Than anyone before.
So many times I've run to my room,
And collapsed inside my door.
Impressions of my tears,
stained forever in my face.
My heart is in distress,
My breath a rapid pace.
I can't  listen about her,
A single second more!
Why can't I be the one,
Your heart desires for?
You've stuck me in the friend-zone,
Because you  care to much...
That statement has confused me so,
It makes me think uncertainly,
You care for me to much,
You'd rather hurt her than me.
Shouldn't that open up your stupid eyes,
To never let me go?
And now every time I see her,
I want to be enraged.
To claw her big brown eyes out,
Before you get engaged.
But then I look at you and see,
The smile that she brings.
It kills me more and more,
To see her in your life.
You don't think I understand,
Or don't see how much I care.
That I know you all too well.
One day she's gonna brake your heart,
And when you come to me,
I don't know if I'll be able to pick up the pieces,
And help you to your feet.
I doubt I'll still be around,
I can't take this agony much longer.
To see her take my place,
Reminds me what I could have had.
Today I saw a picture of you,
Her wrapped in your arms.
In that warm loving hug I've felt,
The one I know is yours.
The hug that saved my life,
The hug that told me I'm special,
And just how much you cared.
But you broke my heart today,
I'm shattered and destroyed.
For when I looked at your smiles,
I think I may have died.
Written through my tears after seeing a picture posted online...

The Picture With Her...™  By Nadia DeLevea
 Oct 2013 Clovina
Nadia DeLevea
You think I'm far to crazy,
A little bit loud, maybe lazy.
You think I rock out hard,
That I play like a beast on guitar.
My sparkles shine so far,
My glamour's far to much.
But this is me,
It's who I am.
So my style's glam,
Well baby, that's my plan.
With this glitter on my face,
I'll tie my black boots laced.
My eyes I'll do up too,
With liners black or blue.
So here I am,
This is the real me.
Now that I'm grown,
My life I live alone.
My attitude is cruel,
The dance floor I will rule.
Take a good long look,
Cuz I'm an open book.
**This is who I am.
Written in 2009, It was a surprise poem I found it in an old notebook.
Who I Am™  By Nadia DeLevea
 Oct 2013 Clovina
Nadia DeLevea
Never again,
Will I let myself win.
It's better to loose,
When you have something to prove.
I hate playing this game,
It makes me seem lame.
It's a battle, life's a war,
And we have to know what we're fighting for.
Life's A Game™  By Nadia DeLevea
 Oct 2013 Clovina
Nadia DeLevea
So here I am,
All alone,
So confused.
I don't know what I want,
I don't know what to do.
All I know is,
I still want you.
I'm singing you life's song,
Why won't you sing along.
I don't know what I've done,
I don't know why you've run...
So I'm sitting here wondering,
I'm sitting here waiting.
Please put me out of my misery,
Just tell me what you want from me.
Tell me what to do,
Tell me what to say,
Tell me how to walk,
Tell me how to talk.
Honestly I'm tired,
I'm sick of trying my best,
For I always come up short.
And now I'm sick,
I'm sick of trying,
I'm sick of hoping,
I'm sick of wondering.
Just tell me what to do,
Tell me what you want.
I'm always slipping up,
Never good enough for you.
I don't know what I've done,
Can't you just tell me what to do?
Tell Me™  By Nadia DeLevea
 Oct 2013 Clovina
Amelia
Sometimes
I get scared
that maybe
I don't like
the things that I like.

That my yearning
to be liked
has caused me
to lie to
myself.

The scary part is
I don't know
if I'm right or wrong.
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