My solution so far
is to isolate myself

and stay away. This
has seemed to solve my insides
but destroy
everything around me.

When I am
there
I am gone.
When you are
here
I am gone.
When I am
alone
is when I find
myself

When the millions of midnight suns rise;
I know he is with me.
I look to my sides. Nothing
but I still feel a pull into the sky. I know he is with me.
When I see the hole in my chest deepen, darkening in the expansion
I feel my heart glisten. He is the shadow in the blackest of nights.
I dream of entering into the mirror of his iris again
living in the remembrance of amber nights and sweet air.

He had the key.
He could stay with me forever if he pleased, unconscious in my bed and heaven in our crevices. I could still feel him inside me, in the moment when we joined and became the same. We are one now, but we were somewhere else then.
He lives a double life with me in my dreams, sleeping away the truth and indulging in ecstasy and lies. It'll never feel as real as his watered-down kisses, but it's close enough for me to forget what is right.
We'll try and shadow the pain of yesterday with
***, drugs, tears, noise
but it always seems to wake us from this bliss we want to belong in. Wherever I'm meant to be, in either heaven or the hell inside me,
burning or surrounded in light
I just know
I want him there with me.

Why do we accept shadows
The sun blocks light in one area and the area behind the obstacle is darker, creating a shadow. But why? Why can't we be pure light that allows us to flow through all that is? Why must there be a negative, a crease in the perfection of life, a never ending dimension of dark right before our eyes

I knew his soul wasn't ready. I wandered his shoulders with my touch each night that he wanted to cry and I still couldn't feel his warmth. Yet I wanted to, more than anything. A beautiful face and a clear mind are hard to find, and it was precisely what I needed. His head wasn't ready.
He rid of his name, his curls long gone. I still preferred those hypnotic locks than a combover. And when he came back to earth each morning when the suns rose, I knew he still wasn't with me. He was locked in his dreams, the far away dimension where we kissed for the first time. He knows, I know, and we will not forget.
Crying can solve nothing except to bring him back to me. Tears will only mend our cracked souls. Fear for his mind only leads to love, love in the frightening flickers of death that beat within his eyes. I wish upon him life and love, never fearing for anything except that which he cares for. Because when all is over and the day is done, I will always much rather be feared for than loved.

On the days you see me smile, 3 inches up there will be blue eyes. Blue love that looks to you in the sweetest of ways and speaks to you in the softest tone. Blue that beckons you to cry with her, no matter the time of day. Blue that reminds you of the night you wanted to drown in your oceans, **** your wings and become the waves that kissed your body. A six-hour-drive-blue that craves a touch of your hazel.

You have opened so many doors.
Endless dimensions of care and compassion, love with hints of lust, a calm to the ache of all that is; the perfect combination of forever. That one whisper, those three thrusts of breath, a sentence worth listening.
I will never forget the night
you changed me.
You look different now. No selfish woes, no worrisome words. You have created an opening, a new awakening of our spontaneous beginnings
to our everlasting ends.