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Cleo Younce Jun 2015
Depression use to be something that happened for no reason with me...
I had no clue why I wanted to just lay in bed all day...
I had no clue why I didn't want to eat...
I had no clue why I didn't want to talk to anyone...

Now I know why...
I don't want to get out of bed because I know I'm not going to talk to him...
I don't want to eat because I miss him so much...
I don't want to talk to anyone because I can't talk to him..

The reason I am depressed is because I realized that he is my life...
Without him I don't breathe...
Without him it feels like a knife is in my chest...
Without him I want to stay in bed all day, every day...
Without him I don't eat...
Without him I don't sleep...

Before I was confused why these things were happening to me..
Now I know why they are happening...

He is my life
He is my everything

Without him
I am nothing
Nobody
I am...
Depressed
Cleo Younce Jun 2015
Without you...

It's like a knife in my chest
It's like someone is punching me over and over again
It's like my whole world is falling apart

I want to curl up into a ball
I want to cry myself to sleep

I can't sleep
I can't stop crying
I can't breathe
I can't concentrate

I have a fake smile
I have a fake laugh
I have empty conversations

But when I'm talking to you...

It's like I have a heart beat
It's like nothing can hurt me
It's like my world is finally coming together

I want to cuddle with you
I want to cry from happiness

I can finally sleep
I can finally stop crying
I can finally breathe
I can finally concentrate

I have a real smile
I have a real laugh
I have meaningful conversations

I'm.... Happy
I'm.... Me
I'm.... In love
This is for the man that saved me.
Cleo Younce Jan 2015
I never knew just how alone I really was till just now...
I didn't feel alone when I had the razors and the knifes...
I didn't feel alone with the pills and the drugs...
I didn't feel alone when I lay talking to him at night...
I didn't feel alone talking to her during the day...
But now...
I feel alone because I don't have the razors or the knifes...
I feel alone because I don't have the pills and the drugs...
I feel alone because I don't have him to lay and talk to at night...
I feel alone because I don't have her to talk to during the day...

Things have changed...
Now I only feel alone when music isn't playing...
When he isn't talking to me...
When she isn't in bed with me...

I never knew what the feeling of alone was...
Cleo Younce Oct 2014
Every day I wake up in bed
I can still feel your hot breath running down my neck
I slowly slide my hand under my pillow
Trying to make it seem like natural movement

My heart begins to race when it's not there
My knife I keep hidden for when you are to return

Suddenly I feel the familiar cold blade
Layed gently on my shoulder
With a kiss I knew could only come from your lips

As it slides down my arm I hear you say
"You don't need this, your safe now. No one will hurt you, I'm here."
I wanted to say "Your the one I'm afraid of..."
But I couldn't get the words out.

Closing my eyes I search again...
This time I find the knife.

I hear someone saying my name
Shaking me, telling me to get up...
The hands came again
This time I woke up only to see that it was not you
That I was safe, and that I didn't need the knife

Yet still I slid it back beneath my pillow
Letting it sit there till the next morning
Knowing, I'd feel you there again.
Cleo Younce Oct 2014
"I've had no dreams only nightmares; wake up screaming in the dark. No one sees the tears I cry, because when I cry I hide in this place I call a life, when really all it is are lies you pretend are the truth."
"He said he loved me, when all he wanted to do was _ me; treat me like his queen, as long as I'll still get down on my knees.
You said you loved me; I said please, you wouldn't be here if I wasn't on my knees.
If you did love me, you'd say honey, in 4 years you can call me, in tell then I am sorry. Good bye is what you'd say when all I would hear is I love you. That's what you'd do if you loved me.
And now what I didn't realize till the fog was gone, the one who really loves me has been here all along. You've been there in my mind, you've been here in my heart; instead of trusting him I should have fell into your arms.
And now I see that the person who truly loves me, is the women who still hugs me.
She may not have been there when I was young, But the she's the person who still trusts me even though I've done wrong.
And I love her, and all who's been there for me when I wasn't strong. Who turned the nightmare I was in, into a dream that I live."
"I've had no nightmares only dreams, because I wake up every morning, to the people who still love me."
Cleo Younce Sep 2014
Going through life's history
I see this man staring back at me
with beady eyes as black as black can be

And when I wonder what he thinks
all I can see are the streets

No warmth just cold
When people see him they scold

Finding happiness nowhere
while finding death everywhere

Streets are where I belong
Sometimes sleeping on the earth's hard ground
wondering where my life has gone

Going through life's history
I see a man staring back at me
wondering where happiness might be

— The End —