I could deal with the pain.
I could deal with this hurt
this new test,
this horrible challenge.
I could deal with it if you were here.
Instead, the pain is doubled.
Every time something happens,
I think, "If only you were here,
we could talk about it.
You would know what to do."
But you're not, so it hurts.
It hurts twice as much.
And I'm not sure I can handle it.

****.
I’m not good enough, am I?

****.
I don’t care enough, do I?
****.

I’ll never be enough, will I?

I miss you.
Again.
I miss how you used to send me
those stupid gifs,
to distract me
from life.

I want you.
Again.
I want you back by my side
talking, laughing,
making me feel
whole at last.

I need you.
Again.
I need you, but this time
you’re not here,
and it hurts more
than ever before.

I miss you.
Again.
I miss you every morning,
and every night;
at every silence,
I break apart.

Again.

I feel so broken and I don’t understand why.
It’s not like we had anything,
but now that you’re gone,
I just…
It’s not even like you’re really gone.
I still have ways to contact you
that are left untried.
I just thought that…
No, I didn’t think.
I’m still not thinking.
I don’t know what to do.
Should I let it go?
Should I cut my losses,
take a clean break and run?
Should I reach out to you?
Should I hope that you
still want to talk to me?
Is it better for me to wonder
what could have happened
if I’d tried?
Or is it better for me to risk
knowing for sure that you
don’t want me?
I don’t know what to do.
All I wanted was you.
I just liked to talk to you.
I liked to hear you laugh.
I liked your jokes,
and the way you could
cheer me up no matter what.
I liked how you were always
so caring and supportive.
I liked how you seemed confident,
but were actually sensitive inside.
I liked you.
Not because of your looks.
Not because of your age.
Not because of your gender.
None of that mattered.
It still doesn’t.
I liked you for you,
because you brought out
the best side of me.
And I liked who I was when I was with you.
Now that you’re gone,
I don’t know who I am without you,
I don’t know what to do,
I don’t know what I’m feeling,
I don’t know what I did.
All I do know
is that I want you back.
Please.