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 Dec 2017 claviculea
Aisha Ella
His "I love you" came swiftly.
Like the monsoon pouring down on a leaky roof
Those three words broke through my defences.
At first they were an ambrosia;
They sustained my life and our relationship.
At least for a short time.

Then "I love you" became an excuse;
For absences, and purpose-filled accidents.
And I ignored the warning signs, the flashing lights.
I pretended like "I love you" was enough...

...But it wasn't.
His "I love you"s were like band-aids on bullet wounds;
Like using play dough to fix cracks in concrete walls.
But I rationed our good memories,
I held on as tight as I could to our love
And watched as it slipped through my fingers.

His "I love you"s became poison,
That seeped deep into my bones,
And turned blue skies grey,
And turned light into darkness,
And slowly killed whatever semblance of love
I fooled myself into thinking we had left.
It's hard to remember how everything was,
before people changed, before they turned into
a selfish and distant being.
Even those of us who refuse to turn into that
state of obscurity are considered weird, but the truth
is that we are exhausted and disappointed.
Those people who dare to call themselves humans
drain our positivity like parasites and take
advantage of our honesty.
I was lucky to know a true freedom for a while, a place
of remarkable spirit that was taken from me.
I will not yield.
yesterday, I kissed and danced
in the spring rain, as it fell to the earth
in first light, then heavy drops
there was a massive gray storm cloud,
but a corner of the sky was illuminated
with the hues of a red, pink, and orange sunset
I stood there and watched
the sky cry in bliss,
then in icy agony,
and its tears are what nourishes this world
and makes it thrive.
and I know nothing ever lasts
like the wind,
everything flies away.
but the clouds,
the stars, and moon
the sunsets, and teary skies,
have always been there for me,
for us.
so yesterday,
I kissed and danced
in the spring rain.
` ` ` ` `  <3 ` ` ` `
I want you to see
that in this world of white and black,
there is color to be found.

Even if you have to look through
the cracks and crevices in sidewalks and buildings
look behind closed signs, through empty storefronts

gaze into the starless
falling eyes of the boy next door
trying to remember what the night sky looked like

you will find them
because all lost things,
are meant to be found
one day in the end.

wow! just wow~
can you remember the flowers
the cherry blossoms that were your favorite because
you thought they smelled like me

the blue blue sky
the endless ocean of tears

and the stars
that were white
but dripping with every color

and you,
you are a rainbow,
not the one everyone expects

but a rainbow
of pain, solitude, forgiveness,
love (as hard as it is to believe),
and life.
for those whose shine is hidden by the world's contempt
 Mar 2017 claviculea
sweetrevoirs
Relei ingat. Baju hangat kuning kecoklatan, 4 kerutan di tangan kanan dekat siku dan 5 lainnya di dekat bahu kiri. Rok kotak-kotak selutut yang untung dan sayangnya tak pernah terisngkap sedikit pun angin berkata tiup. Adalah pakaian yang melekat di badan Malia kali mereka bertemu tatap.
Udara dingin malam Sabtu sama sekali tidak membuat para pujangga mengurungkan niatnya untuk berteriak kata cinta. Atau cerita patah hati. Mungkin iya di tempat lain, tapi tidak di sini, di 8th Avenue, sebuah ruangan tak terpakai beberapa tahun lalu yang di percantik jadi sebuah tempat pertemuan para penyair dari berbagai penghujung kota. Dengan satu podium kecil –sekitar setinggi 1 meter dan selebar tiga dada- di sebelah barat, membelakangi dinding yang berwarna merah marun sedangkan tiga dinding lainnya adalah batu bata yang tidak dipoles.
Malam itu Relei seperti malam Sabtu lainnya, berjalan dari kamar loft ke tempat favoritnya, menyusuri 6 blok dalam suhu 21 derajat dengan tentu pakaian hangat.
Semua wajah yang berpapasan, tak ada satupun yang Relei lupa. Ada 13 wanita, 8 diantaranya bermata coklat, dan 6 pria, satu diantaranya memegang setangkai bunga mawar, yang sudah bertatap sapa selama perjalanannya menuju 8th Ave. 8 bunyi klakson mobil dan 4 suara orang bersin yang selalu di balasnya dengan “semoga tuhan memberkati”. Tidak, Relei tidak selalu menghitung seperti ini dalam sehari-harinya. Hanya saja Relei selalu ingat.
“ Lalu bulan masih saja datang, pun tak sepertimu, yang malam ke malam, masih saja semakin semu.” Seorang wanita paruh baya sedang membacakan barisan terakhirnya di atas podium dengan parau sangat menghayati. Penyair lain yang ada di ruangan itu menjentikkan jari mereka terkagum, ada juga yang bersorak kata-kata manis. Kode etis dalam pembacaan puisi di 8th ave adalah : tidak perlu bertepuk tangan terlalu kencang untuk berkata bahwa kau kagum akan satu puisi, cukup dua jari saja.
“ Biarkan aku datang ke mimpi buruk mu, lalu mimpi indah mu, lalu mimpi mu yang kau bahkan tak tahu tentang apa, atau pun mengapa,” Selanjutnya adalah giliran seorang perempuan muda yang naik ke panggung. Ia bercerita tentang buah mimpi, bahwa Ia ingin menjadi fantasi yang dibawa kemanapun sang pemimpi berjalan.
Baju hangat kuning kecoklatan, 4 kerutan di tangan kanan dekat siku dan 5 lainnya di dekat bahu kiri. Malia –atau seperti itulah tadi perempuan itu memperkenalkan dirinya sebelum memulai puisi- menyisir rambutnya kebelakang kuping sebanyak 3 kali sepanjang ia membacakan puisinya. Ia bergeliat di boots hitamnya, entah karena grogi atau tidak nyaman. Malia berambut coklat ikal sepinggang, dan memiliki bulu mata yang lentik bahkan dilihat dari ujung ruangan.
“ Untukmu, yang bersandar ke bata merah dengan tangan memegang kerah.” Malia mengakhiri puisinya sambal menatap ke arah Relei. Tangan Relei yang sedang membenarkan kerah baju otomatis langsung membeku. Ia sadar penyair lain sedang mengalihkan semua perhatian mereka kepadanya. Tapi hey, ayolah, pasti bukan, gadis di atas podium itu pasti bukan sedang membicarakan tentang Relei. Gadis yang sekarang sedang menuruni tangga podium dan berjalan ke arahnya itu pasti bukan sedang- Oh tuhan, atau mungkin memang iya.
She is a doll,
a sparkly colorful cupcake,

her twinkly laughs carefully measured
before letting the sprinkles coat them over,

a shrill sweet voice made of syrup and chocolate

sometimes, the colors fade
for just a split second
before she once again grows sharp as a sweet icicle

so vibrant and sugary on the surface,
yet inside, so full of calories fuming in jealousy and fat
Once I was a child who loved to dream
I wanted that happy ending for the little mermaid
and so I rid the damsel who stood in the way
and then I waited for the prince
to remember the mermaid and love her again,
but he never did,
and they both died sad and heartbroken.
Meanwhile, from my dungeon sprung the damsel
now transformed into a fully fledged witch
who howled with rage whenever love approached
always appearing as the ugly stepsisters
the evil stepmother, the evil queen
taunting me in my dreams every night
thanking me for spawning her into life.
just thinking like a young child again..
happy endings don't come true when you have to hurt someone else to make them happen
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