You are magic
You are cute
It's true, it's true

You are gorgeous
You are fine
It's true, it's true

You are infinite
You are pi
It's true, it's true

Let me kiss you
Just once
On the cheek
So my curiousity can finally be
Satiated
I want to feel your soft skin
Brush against my lips
As I pull back from your face
"I bit your ear," I say
And you laugh
Because I only kissed you
No biting here

Your face is lit up from the light on the screen
As you type on the only place you're ever seen
Press the control keys, make yourself jump
20 years crouching over gave your back a ****
You're following that woman with long flowing hair
High cheekbones, long ears, and she's going somewhere
You're led to a boat, though you've never been trained
To sail a three-masted beaut, it has been ingrained
For instructions are soon to pop before your eyes
With large flashing arrows hanging in the skies
You grasp at the rope and hoist up the anchor
And you turn to the woman to possibly thank her
She's there for a moment, but gone when you cough
The words in the air spell out: *She logged off

It hurts
Because I feel like I'm draining
The life
Out of you
Depleting what matters
Because I sure as hell don't
Stop loving me
All of you, please
It will only hurt us both
Because I'm not worth it

The smiles we fake
The measures we take
To ensure that the others don't see
Though my heart will break
For you it will ache
For as always
It will betray me

Writing poems but who are they for?
Are they secret notes to myself
To read
When I'm old and gray?
Are they
(Perhaps)
Simply lyrics to
Songs I'll never sing?
Are they my
Crudest representation
Of
My soul?
Yes they are.
Maybe.
I'm not ceratin.
To be honest
I have
No clue.

Love me, love me
Forever and a day
She says
But how can I love you
When I can't love
Myself
?
She has no answer
Because I never ask
The question

I'm too afraid to
Admit that I may never
Be able to love anything
Or worse yet
That I never have
Loved

I can't say that I know what it's like
To lose someone
And it's not because I have never experienced death

My Great Aunt died of lung cancer
Though she never smoked
And was the nicest lady
With what I assumed
Was a New York accent
To ever be convinced that I loved
Her Spinach Frittata
And who indirectly
Made jokes about my insatiable desire
To consume the apple pie

She died on the tenth of october in the year two-thousand ten
(10/10/10)
And I remember my father calling me to the kitchen
To tell me the news
I cried a little
And went back to my room to write angry poetry
But ultimately I was just tired
And went to sleep
Without really adressing anything

At her funeral, I remember my cousin telling me
The story of how her (then) long-term boyfriend
Used wire cutters to remove his braces
A week before they were due to come off
They called me over to put a shovelful of dirt
Into the grave
And I did
Then ran back, jumping as I did (jumping as I did),
To my cousin
Because her candid attitude let me know that it was ok
Not to be somber

My dad's friend had a stroke which dislodged blood clots and sent him
Into a coma for a long time
And while we posed with him for Christmas pictures
(I hated posing, I hated the picture-taking, I hated smiling, it all felt wrong)
And my father promised that hypnosis was going to work
My dad's friend died
In a hospital bed
In his home
In a historical region of uptown Whittier
My dad lost his friend
My mom lost hers as well
When she stopped talking to his wife
Who had been her friend first

The cousin who was talking to me at the funeral
Lost her (then) boyfriend
When she woke up one morning
To find him dead with her
In bed

So I can't say that I know what it's like
Because I have lost people
I've seen death
And I dislike it
I dislike the thought that all my
Teachers will die before me
And I am sad thinking about those days
That I will be in the crowd
One of the Touched

I dislike that I don't know what it's like
Because I don't see it like the others
I try to remember beauty in their life
Beauty that they shared with me
Beauty that I will keep alive
Like the energy cell
The Doctor blew life into
To power the TARDIS

But if I can't find it
If there was nothing we shared
If there is nothing to tie me to them
I feel bad that someone else feels bad
I dislike their pain and
I wish I could give them a hug
And that the hug would fix everything
But it won't
And all I can do is think about
How much I ****
At comforting grievers
And how much I wish
I could be a better comforter
But I'm not
Because I don't do well with death

Come on over,
I've got food!
It's alright if you
eat it all
I don't mind if you
want to watch tv
Just show me some sign
of you
not hating me

Mr. Wall if I needed you ever, it's now
I've lost the want, the drive, the spark
Mr. Wall I just need you to please show me how
To avoid the inevitable; build Noah's Ark

Take me away from this drowning feeling
Mr. Wall take me somewhere that's warm
Steady my head, for my poor mind is reeling
Harbor me now from this storm

Mr. Wall, I'm afraid of what I might do
What I might, in bad judgement, decide
Mr. Wall keep me safe. Please! I beg you!
Grasp firmly and stand by my side

I feel myself slipping, Mr. Wall, my good friend
I need you to show me the way
To stop all these thoughts from achieving the end
Please Mr. Wall, let me stay.