i want to drive to your house
and say i'm sorry.
i didn't want to hurt you,
but i had to.

i want to lead you into the dark
where no one can find us
and finally tell you i love you
but it'd be useless.

i want to wipe your tears away.
make you understand,
and justify my actions.
but i don't have an explanation.

i want to kiss you.
to be close to you is to be happy.
we would both finally be happy.
but i don't deserve happiness.

i had trouble breathing
while walking down the halls today
(you had walked by)

my eyes were watering
so i closed them
(the tears were for the nonexistent us)

my throat was burning
and i couldn't speak
(one day i'll figure out how to talk to you)

i just wanted to lay down
and fall asleep on the floor
(your mixed emotions wear me out)

i think the worst is happening
how did i let myself get sick
(i fear that i've fallen for you)

i asked my sister what to do about you
she didn't know either
not that you're some enigma that i can't figure out
you're not supposed to know that

i desperately want to let you know
but i can't find the right words
and i don't know if i want to
because then it's all real and that's too scary

sorry i probably seem like some mess
that you can't seem to figure out
dont worry though
we're both in that boat

but i will say this one thing
because it's there and i can't deny it
even though i do try really hard to do just that
**soon